I am at my wit’s end, I really need some guidance as I have exhausted all of my own resources to no avail. I married my husband 2 years ago and we now have an 8-month-old daughter. Our relationship has had consistent traits which I could manage before our daughter was born, but find myself unable to do so now.
My husband always puts his family first. Our life has revolved around their needs for almost the entire relationship now, and become progressively more of an issue. EG. I work from home, my father in law would come at least once a week to visit during working hours, he would talk and talk for 2-3 hrs and ignore my requests that I really DID need to get back to my work. My husband felt he was showing he cares about me. Our wedding was originally in new york, just the two of us. I did not want a family wedding for 2 reasons, I am divorced (my first husband defrauded £120K from me and then disappeared off the face of the earth, I was granted a divorce and am still repaying what emerged to be online gambling debts he fraudulently and without my knowledge secured against our home) and 2nd because, I wanted my wedding to be about us, not his family, just us. Our wedding was, in the end, a large family wedding where every decision was made by his family, any attempt by me to ”push” what I wanted was met with apocalyptic abuse and threats. I was to get ready for my wedding in a suite paid for by me, my husband’s mother and 2 sisters arrived on my wedding morning and took over this suite, I did not even get to wash my hair. I could not do this the day before because my husband’s sister who was a bridesmaid decided she no longer liked her gown, I, therefore, had to re-model it…., my husbands view?
They just wanted to share the day with me….one the birth of my daughter (who sadly was born premature, very low birth weight with various health problems and almost died before she was 4 months old) I struggled with my own extensive health problems (which were aggravated by the pregnancy) and the extreme worry for my daughter as none of the doctors could work out what was wrong with her. I was told that I would attend his sisters 31st birthday party when my daughter was 5 weeks old. I refused to take her at night to a restaurant when it was virtually impossible to breastfeed her in perfect surroundings (she vomited up to 45 times a day – I was breastfeeding her for 90 minutes then taking a 60 minute break then a further 90 minutes – round the clock – as she vomited so much, she was losing weight and dehydrating to the point of being life-threatening at least twice a week) she was in a lot of pain and would cry terribly after feeding. I felt it inappropriate to expect me to consent to demand (not an invitation) to bring my baby to a party under these circumstances. My husbands view – it was his sisters birthday and we should consider her feelings, she would be sad if her brother and niece were not there…..? thoughts anyone, advice???