On theCoupleConnection.net forum we see lots of posts about sex, or lack of it. Lots of you worry that your partner doesn’t fancy you anymore because they never initiate sex. The big question is often, ‘Why?’
It’s normal to worry that you’ve become too used to each other. But when you feel your partner no longer makes an effort it can become a vicious cycle; you stop trying because you think they have. So what should you do? It’s a common problem, but being in a long-term relationship doesn’t have to kill off the excitement in your sex life. Research shows its normal for sex to decline, but that doesn’t have to mean you give up trying.
And while relationships, where there is no sex at all can breakdown, what makes this more likely, is indifference to the situation. So take comfort in the fact that you’re worried about it; if you care, you’re more likely to make positive changes.
It’s true, lots of couples do “survive” without sex, claiming that “sex isn’t what matters in long term relationship and it isn’t the most important thing”. And while these relationships may last, the couples still miss out. Sexual intimacy is one of the most important things that bind us together. It makes us feel attractive and loved, emotionally closer to each other and relieves stress in our busy lives.
Remember there are lots of reasons why your partner might not want sex anymore and it may just be temporary.
- Tiredness from work or looking after kids.
- Boredom from routine sex, it is all too familiar, or your partner’s body doesn’t excite you anymore.
- Confidence (one or both of you mind) gaining weight, emotional problems between the two of you, unresolved differences in attitude toward sex, depression or a medical condition or a past affair.
But whatever the reason, sex is a really delicate issue. Remember you need to be kind to yourself and your partner when discussing it, but keep in mind that indifference will never help the situation. Here are some things that might…
- Make an effort every now and then and you may find you can rekindle the passion.
- Getting in shape and feeling good about your looks will always help confidence, and self-confidence is good for your sex life.
- Romantic nights in or out, getting dressed up and some nice food and wine. Make an effort like you used to.
- Try new things in bed together. Even if it feels weird at first, try and surprise your partner, and don’t lose your sense of humor.
- Don’t force yourself. Sex is not an obligation, and if you’re too tired or just don’t feel like it, it’s better to wait another day.
When you get used to each other, sex inevitably becomes less spontaneous and scheduled sex can feel unromantic. But it can be extremely arousing. So why not suggest sex to your partner every now and then and tell them you’d like some physical affection?
Resentment and thoughts like, ‘My partner doesn’t love or fancy me anymore’ won’t help. It’s hard, but try not to let the fears that arise when your partner doesn’t initiate sex affect your relationship; they’ll only put more pressure on the situation, which can be an instant passion killer.
Above all, have fun and make an effort…just like you used to.
If you liked this article you may find some of our other articles about sex and intimacy useful
- Loss of intimacy
- Tips on sex and building intimacy
- Sex and relationships – how to improve sex within your relationships