I have been with my girlfriend for 4 years and we have a good, loving relationship. Up until about 7 – 8 months ago we have had a good sex life but things have been changing. We kiss and cuddle and hold hands when we are out and about but whenever I try to be a bit more intimate I get a brush off a comment like “I thought you were going to sleep” or ” That’s enough kissing I’m tired”. In fact, most of the time she will just turn away in a way that I cant stroke her skin or kiss her neck.
This is making me feel awful and is now adding to the problems because whenever I get that rejection which is now all of the time I don’t even want to cuddle her or be close because it makes me feel unhappy because I don’t feel any connection and feel as though she doesn’t realize how hurtful it is to me. I realize that my reaction is probably not good either as it is making the situation worse. However, I have tried to talk about it and explain how she is making me feel. Every time we have a conversation about it we argue and cry and seem to makeup and everything is fine. But in fact, it isn’t. Nothing changes. What should I do?
Things that she has mentioned to me are: She feels ugly and fat, she doesn’t get turned on by me anymore and that I don’t realize that the foreplay starts hours before going to bed. All these things are difficult for me to hear because it makes me upset about how she feels and also is a massive kick in the stomach for me. However, I’m a grown-up and can accept criticism.
I am always telling her how beautiful she looks and how pretty her face and hair are and that I love her very much.
As for the comments about me, well, I suppose recently over that last couple of months the romance has not been superb but I still cook for her, clean the house and try to sort out the things that she has been struggling to catch up on recently like Ironing, banking, cleaning her car, etc….. With regards to romance, I think deep down I am starting to give up. I used to always buy Flowers, take her out to the theatre, go for an impromptu dinner, Cook a nice candlelit dinner at home and things like that. But now I can’t really be bothered. I know making love after a date is not the be-all and end-all but isn’t that all part of the romance.
The stresses on our relationship are :
-She is off to Afganistan for 3 months in January !!!!
-She is short of Money
-She is working every hour that God sends
-She is upset about her weight ( and she isn’t overweight )
-She was emailing a work colleague last January with quite flirty intimate chat. She left her emails open one day and I noticed the emails. She said that she was going through a difficult time and was doubting our relationship, they nearly kissed but nothing else happened and she loved me very much.
-I am facing a possible redundancy
-Money is a little tight but ok!
-I get annoyed when she spends all day at work then comes home to spend most of the night on facebook or checking her work emails.
She gets home from work at about 8 pm every night which is driving me bonkers.
I am going to stop writing now because I am getting upset writing and this is a long post anyway so most people probably won’t read it all anyway.
I hope everyone else is well though. X