I’ve been with my fiance for 5 years now. We are high school sweethearts and have been engaged 1 year now and have been living together for 4 years have been living alone together for 2 years the other 2 years lived with his mom. About a 2 years ago I made the biggest mistake of my life and I cheated… this crushed my fiance as I was his first girlfriend, kiss, sexual partner everything a first with him… it took him a while to finally talk to me and come around of course. He told me that there were 2 choices he could leave me or he could 100% forgive me and move on with our relationship. He forgave me and asked me to marry him a year later.
Lately, I have been noticing that he’s not as loving.. he used to come home kiss me and give me a huge hug, now he’ll do other things like shower then come down and still nothing… other times he will… I’m a jealous person I hate when he talks to other girls or gets a text message from someone and I want to know who it’s from or what he’s doing on phone or computer… I’ll ask what he’s doing when I work all night… if he doesn’t answer his phone I think he’s with someone or doing something. I have no right to think this because he’s never done a thing to lose my trust but I get these urges to ask. I hate myself for doing it! I wish I could learn to be trusting and not jealous! I’m ruining my relationship. I’m the luckiest girl to have such a sweet and caring fiance but I don’t know how to stop being controlling and non-trusting! I grew up watching my parents in different relationships always having problems…
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I had problems as a child too I was molested by my mom’s friend while she was drinking, my own father asked me to have sex with him in return id get a nice tv in my room… I don’t know if my childhood experiences are blocking me from truly loving with all my heart and being able to open up and not be closed off and being controlling and jealous? I’m also the one in the relationship that has a low sex drive…
I used to want it but once I got it and didn’t feel anything made me not want to as much… he says it’s fine that we don’t have sex much at all but I know its not healthy for our relationship. I’m wondering if my childhood experiences are putting a block on my sexual drive. I have never felt anything with any of my previous partners or my fiance… Any suggestion/Advice?
Thanks for taking the time to read…
-Missy
