so I’ve been with my boyfriend for a little over 4 years – we met abroad, then, after a year or so, we moved back to my country and he found a job and some buddies here.
Our relationship, on the other hand, started going downhill; We have common interests – except that he’s social and likes to go out, while I am and do not… – but he’s very practical, down to earth and career and money are important to him, while I’m a typical dreamer: I couldn’t care less about career and money, I want to do what makes me happy – in my free time as well as professionally – and I don’t want to be faced with financial and bureaucratic issues every single day…I’m not saying that one approach is better or worse, that the other, I’m just saying, that we’re different and we want different things. We argue a lot and while I’m overly patient and careful with what I say, my boyfriend gets very aggressive and overwhelming. Aggressive as in pushing his opinion into my face, not letting me talk, not listening to my point and not taking them into account…then, a few hours later, when he calms down, he acts like nothing’s happened…Other time we’re okay, he acts like he still loves me and wants me, he makes plans with me, yet we don’t do ‘romantic stuff’ and don’t talk about our thoughts and feelings much…
And, that you have an idea of my ongoing relationship…: I’ve met this guy on a long weekend with friends about a year ago and we ‘zinged’. We’re very similar, he’s also calm, introverted, but very caring. We make each other feel special and good about ourselves. We message each other, we talk sometimes, but we don’t push it. I know he likes me, and I know he knows that I like him, but we don’t say it…because I have a boyfriend and I don’t want to hurt him and while he knows the problems we have, the other guy respect it.
But I can’t stop thinking about him. At first I thought it was a crush or something I felt because my boyfriend and I had problems, but still, I think about him and when I see him, it’s like… I’m just happy. I think I’m (falling) in love with him.
Yet, my boyfriend and I have been together for so long and we’ve been through so much…he’s a kinda troubled person and I’ve been trying to help him and he’s also been supporting me through a lot, even bad decisions. It feels kinda unfair even to just have feelings for someone else and thinking about being with someone else…What the hell should I do?