Myself and my husband would be classified as newly weds. We’ve been married for almost a year, but have been living together for only 7 months. I’m 23 and he’s 26.
When we first met we’re very passionate and close. We still are quite close but have a lot of outer stresses pulling us down, more so myself and I fear our sex life is doomed because of my diminishing esteem. I feel as though I’m in a vicious cycle of stress that can dim my mood, then I know coming home to my husband majority of the time sad, exhausted and angry is making him back off. But it hurts when I try to block out the meaningless stresses, for us and he supports me – even though he never says anything back because he doesn’t understand and then its more of a case of me feel crap because I know what I’m doing and can imagine that is frustrating for him all the time if I’m upset.
In relation to the sex thing, things changed rapidly when I caught him masturbating one morning last Dec. I was in tears and he followed with being so sorry and actually cried (never does) because he realized how much I was upset. Something which I never thought could hurt me so easy and still makes my esteem suffer when it comes to sex. We used to be quite playful and both initiating it, and even him seeing me naked would tease him a bit. Now with the bad in the past, its like things feel like a routine for us if it happens. He’d like things to happen naturally as do i. But he’s whole physical feelings towards things have changed, and I realize me constantly nagging for sex is annoying. It’s just lately we said we’ll let things evolve on their own but mainly for his sake. I’m always up for it unless I’m ill etc. I’ve told him it’s affecting my esteem by brushing off sex or me doing something to him to get him in the mood. Its either he’s tired or sick or not in the mood. I feel as though my mind is going insane believing there’s someone else or he hates my body, or he’s so annoyed at the whole topic that he can’t be bothered.
I feel as though I’ve been doing everything in my power to let things slide and see if things happen but they don’t. Then comes the arguing, my tears of low self-esteem and I end up crying about everything all the time because he’s numb to it all. Like he doesn’t care. and then we have really good moments and were always hugging and kissing and comfortable in each other’s arms, and just when I think it’s ok and things WILL happen – they don’t. I want to ignore him and see if he comes around. But I feel as though I’m giving him everything he wants and doing what he wants to save arguments but it happens again and again. He mentioned the other night he prefers and likes cuddles and affection there more than the sex. Which I love and appreciate. All I want is for him to look at me like he uses to and be aroused on the occasion to be closer and more intimate with me. He’s a great guy and we both love each other to pieces.
Any suggestions and am I being ridiculous about thinking he’s cheating?
Also, I’ve loads of underwear and have got things prior to spice things up but that doesn’t seem to work anymore. I really don’t want to end up doing things on my own for satisfaction. I want the old us back, with our comfortable new life.