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Facebook proof your relationship

Tags: Affairs jealousy and facebook, facebook, partner flirting with others, marital affairs, marriage affairs, affair, married affair, having an affair, jealousy, jealous, cheating, cheating spouse, unfaithful, trust, trust issues

Most of us are guilty of looking up an old flame on Facebook and having a good old nosey at their new life without us. But at what point does common curiosity turn into plain old cheating?

Facebook can be a great way of reconnecting with old friends and keeping in touch with those who’ve moved away, but it can also pose a risk to your relationship if you let the past interfere with your present.

It’s wise to think carefully before you accept or add an ex-lover on Facebook. Sure, it’s interesting to see what they’re doing now; you may even want to share some old memories with one another. But getting nostalgic often leaves us thinking about all the positive feelings we once had for someone and rarely any of the negatives. By exploring old memories and emotions you could risk misinterpreting your real feelings for both your ex and your current partner. And what’s simply nostalgia to one person can be mistaken for love interest by another.

“I started to get suspicious when I noticed my girlfriend had added her ex on Facebook. She insisted it was innocent; they were just old friends keeping in touch. But then he started emailing her, texting her, calling her... and it soon became clear he just wanted to get back together.” - Simon, Hertford.

To avoid any potential Facebook fall outs (or full on cyber warfare), sit down with your partner and work out what you’re both comfortable with. Most couples will find it helpful to set some boundaries for their time on Facebook. You might discover you’re both happier if old flames are off-limits on Facebook, but perhaps simply telling each other about any new FB friends you’ve added will be enough to maintain trust.

Facebook can be addictive and the advent of the iPhone has meant some fans find it difficult to log out. Many couples now set aside some Facebook-free time, during dinner times and date nights, so no one feels neglected in favour of the news feed.

“Every time I look round my husband has got Facebook up on his phone. I get that it keeps him entertained while we’re in the supermarket or on the bus, but when he’s still on it while we’re sitting in a restaurant waiting for our food to arrive it really, really infuriates me.” – Louisa, Cheshire.

When one partner spends too much time on Facebook it can arouse suspicions and jealousy from within their other half; it’s easy to wonder just whose profile they’re scrolling through or why they can’t seem to turn the chat function off. But don’t let your imagination run ahead of you. Talk to your partner and ask them to include you more in their online life – it needn’t take place in a secret world you know nothing about; often sharing a funny status update is enough to make a partner feel included.

Are you and your partner on Facebook? How has it affected your relationship? Why not head to the Talk it Out forum to discuss your experiences on Facebook with other Couple Connection users?

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  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    Just go to Relationship Forum at the top left hand corner of the page. Then type in your post. Hope it works out for you.

    Wed 11, Dec 2013 at 8:21pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    Just go to Relationship Forum at the top left hand corner of the page. Then type in your post. Hope it works out for you.

    Wed 11, Dec 2013 at 8:21pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    I'll gladly share with the forum group, but i am not sure how to do that.

    Wed 11, Dec 2013 at 3:23pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    Hi Anon, having read you post on this article I wondering if it might be helpful if you posted on the Forum side of this site to have a wider conversation with the community so you feel more supported as not everyone posts on the articles.
    I think you have highlighted a very important element in your relationship - the need for trust. All relationships need trust and they also need love, support, patience, commitment and I find a sense of humour works well. You also need respect for each other and understanding and your boyfriend isn't really giving you the opportunity to try to understand his situation. My partner works in retail and he speaks to female customers all the time and I understand that he will get on better with some people than others but I trust him. In fact, often when we are out having a coffee we both love people watching and somehow I always when he has seen someone who he thinks whoa but I guess I am a bit more subtle - I think its the difference between men and women but when we are in a deep and loving commitment we know when this is a fleeting moment and when it is something more. This comes through knowing each other a deeper level that comes with time and understanding.
    I wish you well as you try to work this through and getting support through posting on the Forum.

    Wed 11, Dec 2013 at 9:10am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    Facebook is ruining our relationship. We met in January 2013 and dated for a few months. We were both at a bad place in our life and so he was seeing other women and to this day never told me their names.

    Somehow, we kept reconnecting during the summer.

    Since the beginning of November 2013 we are in a committed relationship. The problem is that he's blocked me from Facebook because he said I would not understand why he has some women as FRIENDS on Facebook. I know he has a few Xgirlfriends, but it's the one that he says I won't understand why he has them on his FRIEND list" that I curious about.

    We can't even discuss it because he gets very angry. How can he expect me to trust him when his status on Facebook is single and he's blocked me. Everyday, I try hard telling myself that I need to trust him, but my conscious tells me otherwise. What does he have to hide? To me, this is the same as cheating if he's chatting with other women.

    We seem to have the perfect relationship except one of the most important things is missing: TRUST

    Wed 11, Dec 2013 at 6:03am
  • User-anonymous jake_aard Flag

    Good grief.
    If you have to ask (or tell!) your partner not to text/FB/tweet/whatever on their phone when you're on a date, bin 'em! They're clearly more interested in their online friends than you, and you deserve better.
    And as for "set aside Facebook-free time, during dinner times and date nights".... People have to be TOLD this?? Isn't that just common decency? Have people really got that bad at relationships?

    Mon 11, Nov 2013 at 1:33pm