Will it always be like this?

Your longed for first baby is here at last, and you are looking forward to life of as a family…….

After a couple of months though you might start to think “Will it always be like this”? Dirty nappies, feeding the baby, little sleep, no sex. The books can’t tell you what becoming a parent is really like or the changes it will make to your life.

As a new mum you might be overjoyed with the baby one minute and crying the next. As a new dad you might just feel left out and useless. So it is not surprising that these feelings can lead to you arguing and snapping at one another in ways you never used to. Of course your baby’s needs come first, and considerable time will be taken up with his or her care, but you both need to care for one another too and be able to find the time to sit and chat like you used to.

It is really important to try avoid things becoming a competition over which of you feels you are having the hardest time. As a new mum you might be getting upset about not returning to your normal body shape. As a new Dad your problems are different. You may be missing having a sex life and wonder when your partner will have time for you. It is quite normal to have these feelings. It can be hard to talk about sex for fear of upsetting your partner but it is important to tell one another how you feel. Sometimes a loving hug is all both of you need to show you still care about each other. That your relationship is still important and has a future.

Use the cartoon as a start to think about these questions:

• How could you make time to do something together that you enjoyed before the baby came along?
• What would help you feel more cared for?
• When would be the best time to talk about sensitive feelings?