Many people think that men always want sex. Let’s be honest—it is understandable why people might think this, with so many movies and TV shows dedicated to guys trying to get laid. There is also some truth in sex being on most male minds pretty often.
However, this doesn’t mean that men are always ready to knock boots at any time, or that you should worry if you have experienced a lack of interest in sex lately. There are plenty of reasons that men’s libido can decrease, which we will explore here.
1. Sex has become repetitive and lacks variety
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One reason that men often lose interest in sex is that the sex that they have been having has lost its excitement. They may be in a long-term relationship where sex with their partner has become routine, in the same place and in the same positions, with little to no experimentation. Try adding some sex toys into the bed.
While regular sex is great for your health and happiness, sexual attraction and arousal is linked to novelty and excitement—too much predictability can reduce interest. Repetitive sex is not just limited to long-term couples, though. Even if you are sleeping with plenty of different people, if you are sticking to a standard sexual “routine”, you can get bored.
Reading up on different sex positions, trying sex in other places, and experimenting with sex toys are all ways that you can spice things up again.
2. Attraction to a partner has decreased
A man’s loss of interest in sex can sometimes be down to a loss of attraction to his partner. Finding the urge to be intimate with somebody who just no longer turns us on is not easy.
This can happen for various different reasons. It may be that something about your partner has changed. Their appearance may have changed drastically in some way, such as a change in dress sense, weight, or hairstyle. The difference can also be emotional—perhaps you have discovered a side to your partner’s personality that is a turn-off.
If this is the case, you may want to consider an open relationship. According to a relationship blog GoDates, exploring a unique connection with another partner might be an option. It may bring the spark back and rekindle sexual attraction.
3. Feelings of shame about body
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Sometimes a loss of desire to have sex is not due to a change in your partner’s body but yours. Whether you are single or in a relationship, feeling a lack of confidence in your body can make you reluctant to take your clothes off in front of another person.
Perhaps you have put on some weight lately or had another change in your appearance. If you are feeling insecure about your body, there are two things that you can do; change your body, and learn to accept it. You do not have to pick just one—why not get into a regular exercise routine as well as learn how to be more confident with what you already have?
If you are struggling with this, take a look at couples around you. There are probably plenty of beautiful women you see who are with less conventionally attractive men. You may think, “why is she with him?” The University of Kansas study revealed that women are often more attracted to qualities such as humor than they are to physical traits and this may be the answer to your question.
4. Insecurity about sexual performance
It might not be his body that a man is insecure about; it could be about how he puts it to use. It’s common for men to wonder if they are good in bed, and a single negative or neutral reaction from a sexual partner can really knock your confidence.
What’s important to remember is that everybody likes different things in bed. Women in particular often vary widely in what turns them on sexually, and there is usually more of a psychological and emotional role in arousal and pleasure for women than for men. However, there are some ways that you can improve your skills at pleasing most women.
Another issue that may be causing insecurity is porn. Porn often creates unrealistic expectations, as the videos may be highly edited or even faked. There is a high chance that the guy on the screen isn’t really giving the girl ten orgasms in five minutes—they’re called porn actors for a reason.
5. Stress or depression
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Stress and depression are more common than you might think and can affect our lives in many unexpected ways. Things that we used to love or even be obsessed with can be forgotten about or simply not seem that exciting or appealing anymore.
Low sex drive is a well-known side-effect of depression and other mental health issues. If you have been feeling down lately or under pressure from work or other commitments, this can affect how things happen (or don’t happen) in the bedroom. If you realize that you haven’t really been horny since a stressful or upsetting life event, for example, these things may well be linked.
Even if you have the perfect girlfriend and logically should be desperate to rip her clothes off, mental health issues can be extremely destructive to the libido. If you feel stressed, anxious, or depressed, consulting a doctor or therapist can be a beneficial step. Another recommended thing to do in this situation is to confide in your partner, as they may be able to support you and lift your spirits.
6. Side-effect of medication
Low sex drive can actually be a result of various different prescription medications. Libido levels are linked to the hormone testosterone, which can be reduced by blood pressure medications such as ACE inhibitors and beta-blockers.
Other medications that may have a reduced libido as a side-effect include opioid painkillers, cancer treatment drugs, steroids, and certain antidepressants. If you are unhappy with this side-effect, you may want to ask your doctor—there may be an alternative medication that does not kill your sex drive.
If antidepressant medications are affecting your libido, it is worth considering if this side-effect is itself making you feel more depressed. Don’t forget that depression itself can also cause low sex drive, so there may be a balance to strike here.
7. Substance use
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Prescribed drugs are not the only substances that can reduce interest in sex. Smoking either tobacco or marijuana is believed to be linked to a decrease in testosterone and can also reduce your physical stamina in general. Heavy alcohol use can also decrease your T levels over time, as can many illicit drugs.
Another way that substances can slow you down sexually is if you form a habit or addiction. Addiction can rewire the brain and shift your priorities, so you may find yourself craving your substance of choice instead of craving sex. Whether the substance is legal or illegal, this can happen, prescribed or illicit.
You do not have to be a heavy drinker or substance user to notice a decrease in your libido. I once went on a weekend break with my partner that included a wine-tasting tour, boozy lunches, and bar-hopping at night, after which we would get back to the hotel and pass out as soon as our heads hit the pillows. We realized on the way home that we hadn’t had sex at all on our “romantic weekend away!”
8. Dietary issues
Our diets have a massive effect on all aspects of our general health, and our sex drives are no exception to this rule. Not only can a poor diet reduce the testosterone that plays such an important part in getting us “in the mood,” but also trans-fats that are found in fried food can actually affect sperm production.
Other issues relating to food can also cause trouble in the bedroom. If you are not eating enough or getting all of the nutrients you need, your general energy levels will deplete. On the other hand, if you are overeating, nothing kills the mood like feeling bloated or sick.
Eating a healthy, balanced diet with the correct portion sizes may be the only thing you need to get your mojo back!
9. Testosterone has decreased through aging
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I’m sure you are aware that testosterone, and sex drive, along with it, gradually reduces from middle age onwards. However, it isn’t just older men who can be affected by this—this process can sometimes happen in the late twenties or thirties. Health supplements or dietary changes can slow or stop this decline if this is an issue.
Even if you are in your late teens or early twenties, it is common to notice a sudden decline in libido. This is perfectly natural—it is simply because you are no longer undergoing the changes that started with puberty and are now entering “full adulthood.” This is a good thing—you can’t stay a horny teenager your whole life, or you would never get anything done! A healthy standard adult sex drive is expected to be lower than when you were in your adolescence.
If you have found yourself losing interest in sex—don’t panic. Putting yourself under unnecessary pressure is only likely to make the problem worse. Fluctuations in libido are a normal part of being human, whatever your age or gender. If you want to get your groove back, looking after your mental and physical health and trying out new things in the bedroom can help get you back into the swing of things.
