Love does not really stop, ever. When you love someone, with that all-encompassing and unconditional love, it lasts as long as you are alive because it is a part of you, and it is the part that includes all kinds of love. But the relationships end. That is a fact. You love someone, but you no longer want to be with them and share your life, your hopes, and your fears with them. You feel that you are done with that person and that you can stay in that relationship for the rest of your life for a million reasons, while there is only one reason to leave – you choose your life and the opportunity to be happy with someone again.
Love does not stop and does not change, but your feelings and your aspirations do, and the path you take leads you further away from your partner who, again, goes the other way or stays in the same place. Things that made you fall in love with someone are no longer important, priorities change. But, why?
1. You Grow and Change
The common situation in relationships or in marriages that last for years and decades and that women talk about with a sigh is this – they have grown, they have taken on life responsibilities, they have changed, and he has not. “He’s still a teenager. He didn’t find his path. He can’t follow me and he doesn’t support me in my development. He just wants everything to always be the same.” When you and your partner do not have the same life priorities, ambitions, interests, and goals – this happens. And of course, a man can feel absolutely the same in a relationship.
So, you did not know that it would be like that, you believed that you would go through life hand in hand, and it turned out that you were the one who kept going and you were alone in that because your partner has no desire to go anywhere at all. You change, and he/she is still the same person and wonders what bothers you given you fell in love with him/her as such? And what bothers you is that he/she is still the person you fell in love with, but you are no longer the person who fell in love with him/her.
2. The Partner Grows and Changes, Too
Yes, as you develop your potentials and change, so does your partner. But, somewhere along the way, you stopped being a couple because you do not develop in the same way, you do not nurture the same values, you want different things that cannot be reconciled and you cannot make a compromise. You discover that you no longer like your partner, that they have become ruthless, too focused on material values, that their taste has deteriorated, and that the ideals you shared at the beginning are now considered stupid and a waste of time.
Everyone who develops uses the material they carry within them – you were not aware how different you and him/her are, but when each of you started to mature and discover themselves, it turned out that you were looking for materials that could not be combined to give something solid and lasting.
3. Your Relationship Is Changing
The relationship has its own dynamics, which encompasses your changes and your statics, combines them, and adjusts them. What constitutes “us” in your relationship undergoes changes (or stagnation) that each partner introduces and changes accordingly.
And so you discover that you are no longer happy with the things in which you function best together, that this is not what is important to you at all now, and that you are no longer as good a team as you used to be. The challenges of life have changed and the fact that you like to cook together, or travel, or throw parties, is no longer enough to maintain your togetherness.
4. You Realize That Your Partner Isn’t Your Soulmate
You have nothing more to talk about, you have different standpoints, tastes, types of friends, intellectual interests – and you wonder how it did not bother you before.
You were in love, and then you were not anymore, but life was fast and many things were happening and somehow you went through it together. And it turns out you have almost nothing in common. It happens more often than you think.
5. You Fall in Love With Someone Else
This happens more often than you think, too – you just meet someone else and feel that you are alive again and that you are ready to risk everything, to be with that person.
It is clear to you that you may not stay with this new person, but with them, you have discovered that you are still capable of take-off, intense exchange, excitement, and that you need it to live on because, in a relationship in which you are at that moment, you feel like you are slowly dying.
6. You’re Dedicated to Your Career
You have taken your relationship for granted and you are investing all the energy you have in professional development. You are constantly at some seminars and conferences, you have too many obligations and responsibilities, and when you have the opportunity to rest, you just want to sleep or be alone so that you can read the news on your smartphone, surf through the Instagram wall, or bet online at bookmakers here who provide you with easy-to-use payment methods. The partner may live the same way, or perhaps they feel rejected and betrayed, but the fact is that you are moving further and further away from them and that the relationship has become a limiting factor, not a base of support and support.
Love is no longer your number one priority, and maybe love is not at all what you thought it was for a long time – or at least it is not the same for you and your partner.