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Will my husband come back to me?

Posted by: Anonymous
Sun 26, Oct 2008 at 5:36pm
Affairs and Jealousy

4 weeks ago my husband returned from a 6 week tour of Canada (he is in the Army) to tell me that he did not want our marriage anymore.  I discovered a week later that he had met a girl in a bar one night and subsequently spent a few days with her and was unfaithful.

I am completely and utterly devastated.  I had no idea that he was unhappy with our marriage at all and he has not really given me any reason for leaving me.  The only thing I can think of was that he was unhappy with the usual routine of it all.

He has now been signed off work with depression for a few weeks and has completely disappeared.  I have now discovered that he has gone back to Canada but apparently he is staying with his aunt and uncle but obviously I am thinking that he has gone over there to continue his "affair".

I love him completely and really want him back.  I cannot just chuck away 18 years of my life without a fight.  (We've been married for 8 years and together for 10 before that).  He is 35 and I am 34. 

His texts and emails to me are completely cold and it is so hard for me to accept as 6 weeks ago I was perfectly happily married or so I thought.  He has told me via email that he thought we were more like brother and sister but I do not accept this comment at all.

I am just wondering what he is really feeling and will he ever come back to me.  I cannot see my life without him and I am having so much trouble coming to terms with it all.


  This was of help to 0% of people  


  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    Dear Anon - all may not be lost.  Your husband may just be going through a "life crisis" of some sort and may need help - obviously he is not happy either and is depressed.
    Do you have any support from the forces?  An army chaplain maybe that you could speak to?  I'm sure they come across this sort of situation all the time with those serving in the forces and are away for spells away from their spouces - along with the stresses and strains this can put a relationship through.
    Sorry I can't be of more help - but I do have a few mates who have "strayed" unintentionally and have managed to work things out with their wives.  It does take time and you will probably both need counselling together - but if he is willing (and you seem determined enough) - then there is always hope and relationships can be restored.  I've heard that Marriage Care are very good - Relate seem to be a bit clinical and you often get treasted just as another "case", whereas Mariage Care seem to have more compassion for the couples they are working with.
    Good luck.

    Mon 27, Oct 2008 at 6:24pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    Six weeks ago my partner did a similar thing. After 10 years of living together - she said she was not happy with her career and needs to work out who she is on her own - without me.   Two or three weeks later she started a relationship with someone from work - they are now an item.  She is still living with me - but in seperate bedrooms - sleeping with someone else - but giving me a friendly kiss goodnight and goodmorning.    

    Wed 31, Dec 2008 at 3:21pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    My husband had completely switched off from me earlier on in the year, as a result we have seperated and I'm now 8months pregnant my baby is due at the end of February.  He is determined we are not getting back together and has accepted that our marriage is over and even said that it was over a long time ago despite saying he wanted this baby and getting me pregnant. I had Post Natal Depression for the past four years with my first child and this has certainly had a strain on our marriage but have been able to work throught things. Now that I'm so much stronger and have come out the other side he has been throwing himself into his work and would spend every evening upstairs in his office on his laptop working and not making any effort to spend time with me at all. Even when I found out I was pregnant he just became worse, I did end up asking him to leave as I could not take any more of it all and he also has been very much a control freak and undermined me as a mother and has very high expectations and standards. We had two marriage counselling sessions before Christmas and I made it very clear I was there to save our marriage, he just sat there and talked loads of crap and made no effort to get back together. I now have to come to terms that our marriage is over and think about the birth of my baby, fortunately my parents have been great support for me but I am very scared of how I'll cope on my own with a new born baby and a 5 years child who will be going to school in August.  

    Fri 2, Jan 2009 at 10:28pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    to the last poster it sounds like you've have done all you can. your doing the right thing by putting your mind and energy into you children. if you have lots of support from you family and friends then you'll get through. It will be difficult to juggle baby and child however imagine if you had him to deal with as well. Once your older child goes to school in August it should make things a bit easier and just think when he has the children at somepoint during the week this will give you time to be just on your own and do what you want for a few hours. I wish you luck, strengh and courrage.

    Sat 3, Jan 2009 at 8:57am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    me and my husban was together for 19 months when we got married 2 months after we got married he tells me that he dnt love me and married me only becouse he didnt think the mother of his daughter would ever come back do you think he would ever come back

    Wed 18, May 2011 at 1:22pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    i would like to know what i should i do too get my husband back  to me me and him have been apart for couple of weeks and i don tknow what i should do and i am staying with a  friend and i just would like to know what i should do please i would like him to come chase me down and then we would go from there really and so thats why i am asking this question because i have been stuck on this question for a while now is what i should do too have him come back to me  will you please help me out please and thank you 
    tarah jean rayl 

    Wed 22, Jun 2011 at 3:37am
  • Cc Morwenna Flag

    To the last commenter above, you might well find you get a better response from the site community if you put your question up as a new post.  Good luck with the way forward, I hope you get some good support.

    Wed 22, Jun 2011 at 9:20am