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My husband betrayed me

Posted by: Anonymous
Tue 18, Apr 2017 at 8:50am
Communications in relationships, Living Apart Together

I am married with my husband for last 25 years have 3 grown up boys. I knew my husband for last 38 years. We had our courtship for about 6 years. We got married after so many hurdles from our family side but I stood firm and loyal to my love and husband. Before my marriage. I found that my husband is in touch with two teenage girls whom he met during business trip. He was writing letters to them (both girls were friends to each other) He was writing to those girls very frequently exchanging birthday and other cards. To protect them from their family he was using some female name so that their parents see female name on the envelop. My husband mentioned to me that during a trip two girls were after me and asked my postal address (As no mobile were there at that time) but I did not give my address. One day I found those girls letters and cards in my husband’s cupboard and we had a fight , as we were not married at that time , I told my husband that if he wants those girls ,I will leave and will not marry him. He said sorry and swear to God, me, his dad and mom that he will not contact them again.

We got married , and then I found that he is still in touch with them even met them in our city while those girls on a Uni trip . Again we had a fight. I got pregnant. When I was 4 months pregnant he went to the same city in which the girls were living. It was an official trip . I begged and told him not to contact those girls he said no he will not. When he comes back I asked if he met to those girls? After a long interrogation he said yes he met them accidentally on a road, which I did not believe and we had a big fight again. After that Our married life was like a roller coaster sometimes very good and happy moments sometimes big fights. I always used to loose my temper and throwing things on him. After 7-8 years of marriage he was better, little caring etc. Though I could not forget that he was flirting with two young girls while in relationship with me when I was very honest , over caring and have an extra loving attitude towards him and I left my home and family for him because they were against our marriage. There were also 2-3 small incidents of flirting by him were caught while he was in relationship with me but I ignored because the girls did not give any lift and he had no option to stepped back. Whole of my life I could not fully trust him. I got busy with Kids and my career.

Three years ego, one of those two girls contacted him on facebook wished him on his birthday, he did reply without asking who is she (because girl was not in his facebook friend list so message came as message request) I also saw his facebook message on his mobile while he was away. I knew the name of the girl , though I never saw her photo before ,her 2nd name was different as she was married I saw her city and could make out who is she. My husband pretended that he did not recognize because it’s a 22 years old story. I knew my husband’ facebook password, so I changed his login email and facebook password . Had a chat with that girl as my husband and I pretended that I did not recognize her. To remind me she told me everything How they met , started writing letters and my husband’s last visit to them , which was well planed not an accidental meeting.

I spoke to my husband about that. Why he went to meet after our marriage when I was expecting our first baby. Was there anything more than that? why did you lie that it was a 5 minutes meeting on a road? After long fights and many questions he just said , no it was my childishness , I was not serious, nothing was between us , no emotional attachment, I never ever even shake hands with any of those girls. I told him if you will lie , I will leave you. He again sewer to God even to children that he was foolish and it was his mistake to contact them again and again.

I told him that his facebook account is with me and I am in contact with that girl, if you will lie I will not forgive you. He said he has already told me the truth now there is nothing else to hide. The girls are in our home country Sri Lanka and we are in different country now the girl is not very frequent user of social media and she is from a conservative family. She does not talk to me much as she is worried if husband will find out something fishy. Recently I came to know about that while on the trip to their city my husband called one of the girl to his hotel room and proposed her. I asked again to my husband that I know few more things , if he confesses what he has done I might forgive but I do not want any lie. Again we had fights, we ended up sitting in front of the lawyer for divorce. He then said yes he called the girl in the room, and only gave a friendly hug and kiss. where in our culture at that time boys never used to hug or kiss the girls and taking them to the hotel room. Even today it is not that common.

Now I do not believe him and I thik it was more than that. He says he only loved me , in past it was only a foolishness and childishness . We have visited to counsellor also because I am trying to forgive, but asking him to tell everything. Now he is saying there nothing happened more than that and there was no emotional attachment with her. Is it possible that if someone writing letters for 6-7 years, meeting and contacting them after stopping and begging by me so many times, and there was no emotional attachment? I came to know that in meeting , girl told him that she recently got engaged and can not meet or write him anymore.

I am going thru so much of stress. For 2 days I am fine then, suddenly I start thinking about them and again I fight with him and ask him to tell me the truth. Please suggest what should I do? Should I trust him?

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  • User-anonymous PedroOSmith Flag

    No you should not trust him anymore. He is just taking the advantage of your innocence and trust. You are successful and independent. Move on with your kids and enjoy a stress free life. My sister also faced such situation and after giving so many chances to her husband, she decided to move on and consulted a lawyer on and filed for divorce. It is better to be alone rather to be with someone who cannot respect our feelings.

    Wed 5, Jul 2017 at 11:41am