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Is he manipulative?

Posted by: Anonymous
Wed 12, Apr 2017 at 2:42pm
Getting on Better with my Partner, Communications in relationships
manipulation,mental health

I feel like my bf is very manipulative. He tells me off for doing things but then does it himself. Or he will do something to me and then he expects me to forgive him... but if say I did the same thing back he will punish me and be harsh towards me.

E.g. my birthday last year we were sitting in a restaurant and I said I didn't think he was paying attention to me. He got angry at me and got up and said 'I'm leaving'. So he was wanting to leave me alone at a table on my birthday. I was really angry as well as upset. Anyway, I forgave him!

It was his bithday the other day and I didn't do anything directly to him to upset him. I ended up getting really distressed because a large group of people were harassing me on facebook. I apologised to him on the day and explained that I was sorry if it seemed like I was ignoring him, but it was just a really upsetting experience.

He seemed to understand but then the next day he had a go at me for it despite me already acknowledging what I'd done wrong. I was really angry because he said I didn't make him feel 'special' on his birthday!!

But yet last year he was perfectly fine with leaving me alone in a restaurant because HE was upset. He doesn't think of other people AT ALL. It's always about him. He is such a selfish person.

I don't know whether he actually has something wrong with him or if he's just a psychopath. Because he won't just being unsympathetic towards me but it's other people as well. He shows no remorse towards others. And even when he's in the wrong (like when he's driving) he will shout at other people even if he did the first thing wrong... he's a really unreasonable person. And I feel like he's somewhat a narcissist.

He wants sympathy from everyone else but gives nothing back. And when he's wrong he will somehow always make it about him and how he's been wronged instead.

I have depression and he somehow makes it about him and won't support me.

Also he is a liar most of the time. He has lied to me about countless things in the past. So it's made me untrustworthy of him and admittedly I've 'checked up on him' or gone through his phone. But he then will use that against me. Like he will probably tell other people that I keep tabs on him. But he won't mention that it's because he's lied to me. He makes me look and feel like a terrible person.

I often have to question myself as well. He will 'build' problems up over a space of time and then tell me everything in one go. So he will refer to something that I did 2 weeks ago or a month ago and I have to try to remember everything that happened. He will say things to me about what I've done wrong but he won't actually tell me on the day it happens. I feel like this is really manipulative to do as I can't always remember things from that long ago!! How can anyone?! But it's like he does it on purpose to make me look worse. It feels like he deliberately won't tell me things because he doesn't want to fix them. He just wants to build up ammo for later.

He also will make decisions and then blame me for them. When I do make decisions he's also not honest about what he really wants and then will punish me for not choosing the right decision.

Like a week ago, it got to 2am and I asked 'do you want to go to bed now?' and he said no and stayed up until 3am and then sat on the edge of the bed giving me a lecture on how he needs more sleep!!! Why would he say no to going to bed then?! How can I possibly take any of this seriously!?

I feel like I can do no right!

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  • Cc jaybee (moderator) Flag

    Hi, what a sad story. It sounds like neither of you are happy in this relationship, or have I got the wrong impression?

    Tue 18, Apr 2017 at 4:06pm