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i love my wife but!

Posted by: Anonymous
Fri 16, Jul 2010 at 8:18am
Getting on Better with my Partner

I love my wife but, i feel we are about to seperate, I know this has been said alot . But i would like help good or bad.

i work 5 days ,pay the bills etc ,my wife runs homme cooks etc.
been together 18 yrs. She does not have a job nor wants one ,i am happy with that if this is is what she wants.

We argue mostly ,but usually over nothing in my opinion! She calls me FAT ,LAZY ,MISERABLE . i get up walk dog ,work ,come home walk dog feel tire sometimes have nap for 15mins. Worked all life manually, now desk job running own company ,which is ok

She does household ,pack ups for kids ,evening meal , i wash up usually but not always.
I have kept quiet but feel i am being laughed at ,and used for comvienience.
for me breakfast ,then other jobs before leave for work, not other way round.

You can tell upset at writing this and jumping around. But she wants me to leave whilst still paying for all things ,this is not possible as i would have none left to live on, and i will not leave my children.

I do feel she maybe going through menapause or lost plot , but everything i do or say is wrong.

I now get accussed of not talking as i keep quiet now and only talk if ,talked too, I feel i have lost all respect providing for her and kids for over 16 yrs only to be what i feel it is like is being bullied?

  This was of help to 0% of people  


  • User-anonymous Tony Flag

    Dear Anonymous
    I can really feel your confusion and how unappreciated you feel despite all you contribute.  I can understand how this can feel like being bullied and how unreasonable it seems to be asked to continue with all your responsibilities while not even being allowed to stay with the family.
    But your last paragraph does suggest that she would like to be able to talk to you, even if she finds it hard to do so in a calm and respectful way.  So perhaps relationship counselling could help.  Having a third party there could help you both to communicate more effectively with each other.  Even if your wife refuses to participate, relationship counselling could still be  a help for you in organising your priorities and communicating more effectively, so you feel less bullied.  You can go to or for access to counselling.
    i hope you can both find more peace of mind in your relationship.

    Sun 18, Jul 2010 at 10:49am
  • User-anonymous SamsMummy Flag

    She sounds a little frustrated with her life. I know you say she doesn't want a job. Do you go out together? Do you ask her if she wants to go out? Do you go out with friends? Does she? (Sorry for the 20 questions!) If no to any of them, or all, can I suggest you do at least one of them??
    Speaking from my own experience, not talking will only make things worse! My partner is doing that now, and I feel I'm having to second guess him, which is hard work to say the least.
    It is unreasonable of her to call you those things. And only she can explain it. So I wont try to.
    How old are your kids? Staying with her so you still see your kids is the wrong reason to stay! I'm assuming she has no grounds to STOP you seeing your kids if you were to split up? Because you wont lose them.
    Asking you to move out but still pay for everything is unreasonable, and why should you?!
    I think there might be more to her behaviour than meets the eye, but only she can tell you what it is. Can I suggest relate? If not for both of you, then for yourself.
    Good luck. I hope you get the answers you want soon!

    Tue 20, Jul 2010 at 11:00am