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He doesn't like to talk about important things.

Posted by: Anonymous
Sun 16, Apr 2017 at 4:47pm
Money, Getting on Better with my Partner, Making a Commitment, Communications in relationships

Hi Everyone! Just looking for some advice. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years, living together for 3. I'm feeling a little stuck, we have our daily routine and it's great, we generally get along really well, we enjoy each others' company. But I guess I've kind of been hinting at marriage. Just to see where he stands on the matter and if that's the direction we're heading in! Also if there's anything he feels we need to work on to get to that point.

He shuts down whenever I bring it up and it turns into a huge fight. He doesn't want to even discuss the idea of marriage and since we can't get past that, we've barely discussed the idea of children (I'm about to turn 32, he's 34 so I at least want to be able to discuss it.) My newest problem is finances, we agreed to keep them separate until we do decide to get married which I'm totally fine with, but he is well aware of what I make and what I have in the bank. I know nothing about his finances. I've asked if he'd be willing to share and he responded by saying it doesnt matter how much money he has, he has enough to pay the bills and that's all I need to know. I suggested maybe we open a joint account that we each put some money into every month for vacations/nights out etc so we know we're splitting everything's my 50/50 and he simply said he wanted nothing to do with that.

Should I respect his privacy? I've always been really open about discussing my feelings and opinions and I was really hoping after 5 years, we'd be able to have open and honest discussions about these things.

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  • Cc jaybee (moderator) Flag

    Thanks for your post. Sorry you've had a bit of a wait for a response.
    I guess if your partner doesn't want to talk about these things you can't make him. What do you think would happen if you never talked about them again? What would this mean to you? To your relationship? Where do you wanna be in, say 1 year's time? 20 year's time? Can you share this with your partner - as your vision of the future? Are you ready to spell out to him what your 'bottom line' is, if he decides that he still doesn't want to look at these things?

    Sat 22, Apr 2017 at 5:00pm