Cookies on The Couple Connection: The couple connection uses cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. If you continue to use the couple connection, we will assume that you are happy to receive all cookies from this site.

Extremely difficult long distance situation

Posted by: yucatoa
Mon 11, Sep 2017 at 2:34pm
Long distance

Hi guys - have never visited this site before but I'm in a bit of a nightmare situation and could do with a bit of advice.

So I'm 20, I'm just about to go into my third year of university - about 3 months ago, I started a relationship with a girl who I'd been really good friends with for about 6 months. We'd had a lot of fun together over the year and it seemed like the obvious next stage of a really good relationship. The only catch was she was about a month away from starting a year abroad in Australia, while I studied in the UK. While this might be an obvious red light for most people to begin a relationship, we were very in love (and a little naive, as it's the first serious relationship for both of us).

Over the summer though, the relationship has been massively massively tested. I was exposed much more to her extremely insecure side, which has made it very taxing for me, and her, to continue this relationship. At first I assumed them to be natural teething problems of a new, long-distance relationship. But it seems she is not the person built for a long-distance relationship, or at least she is not secure enough for one right now. She is constantly obsessing over the idea that I may be getting with other people while she's away, and this has often come out in quite controlling fashion. She is often very sad and has struggled with this in the past, and while that should never be a reason to break up with someone, I am beginning to feel like she has become emotionally dependent on me - if I am not going all out to make her happy, then she is extremely sad, and takes it out on me.

When the time came for her to leave for Aus, I suggested coming to visit around September time. My flight is actually tomorrow. However, I think in the last week or so I have come to the realisation that I cannot deal with the relationship in this state for another year. Part of me is ruing not ending the relationship a few weeks ago, where it really seemed like there was no way back. However, the whole time we told ourselves to keep it alive until I went to see her, when things would be better. But now the trip is a day away, and I'm struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am trying to have a positive mindset, but all I can think of is finding the best way to break up with her, and I don't want to continue stringing her along, as I know that despite how angry she gets she is very attached to me.

Our plan for the 10 days I am there is this - begin at her uni in Melbourne, and then after 3 days travel to Sydney, and then after 3 days go on a catamaran voyage to some islands on the coast.

I am stuck in a dilemma - do I break up with her before we leave Melbourne, so she is still with friends, but then face a long while in Aus on my own and leave us both wondering what the trip might have been - or try my best to make the trip work, and break up at the end if things have gone badly? I personally am not considering not getting on the plane as an option, as I am willing to make the journey to do it face-to-face - I am fed up of talking from behind a screen.

Any advice on how to play this in a way that hurts her the least and makes things the least difficult. I am not too worried about myself - I am a proactive person and will be able to travel Australia on my own to take my mind off it, but I know she will not deal with it in the same way.

Many thanks for any help!

  This was of help to 0% of people