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Ex BF offering to pay my health insurance premium -- is guilt his motivation?

Posted by: Larkspur
Mon 4, Dec 2017 at 2:30pm
Money, Getting on Better with my Partner, Life transitions, Communications in relationships

My boyfriend and I broke up this past summer after a 13 year relationship. We are in our 50s. Here are the circumstances: I was to travel to the beach with him to spend 4 days with his family. However, my child became ill; I told him I would meet him there on the 2nd day of the vacation, so I could get her stabilized.

The night before I was to leave, he sent me an email (which he later admitted was designed to be hurtful) in which he told me not to come, bc it would be too much trouble to show me where the hotel was and to take time carrying my bags up from the parking lot — time he could otherwise be spending with his family. The email did indeed hurt me, and I was uncertain if I should even go. I set off for the beach but eventually turned around bc he wasn't responding to texts or emails. This set off World War III.

He texted me that I had destroyed his vacation, that he was forced to eat dinner alone which was all my fault, that I should definitely NOT come to the beach bc he was changing hotels specifically so I could not locate him, causing him to incur a double hotel expense which was also my fault, and that my not showing up the first night was a 'dealbreaker' and the relationship was over. He is very close to his family, and I don't know how much they know of these details, but I imagine if they DO know or did observe any of his anger, it had to be embarrassing for him.

Two weeks after he returned from the beach, we met and he told me in person that the relationship was indeed over, and that the cause was not his histrionic blowup at the beach, but that he had actually fallen out of love with me before that, and so the vacation fiasco was just the final straw. [Not sure I believe this.] He says we are fundamentally incompatible.

He has now contacted me and offered to pay my health insurance for the coming year, which he can easily afford, and I totally cannot. On the one hand, it would be nice to HAVE health insurance, which I will otherwise have to forgo, but I feel like he is offering this financial support in order to make himself feel better about how he treated me. He SAYS it's simply because he genuinely cares about me, as a friend.

I need some comments, please!

  This was of help to 100% of people  


  • User-anonymous Achyheartface Flag

    Hmmm tough, in my country we have option of Medicare or private health insurance, so if it were here I would say do not accept.

    It will make him feel better, will he forever use it against you and make you feel obligated to do things and behave a certain way? Or did someone tell him he was being a dick so he is genuinely just going to help becausè he can. If the latter, accept it.

    Sat 16, Dec 2017 at 2:05pm