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Confused continued

Posted by: Anonymous
Wed 21, Jun 2017 at 10:02pm
Sex/Intimacy and romance, Making a Commitment, Communications in relationships

Been dating in our 50's 2yrs. Go for wonderful weekends away we really enjoy each others company. Yet every 8 or so weeks he goes on plenty of fish probably 2 days in a row for 10 mins. Usually after we have been away. Been doing this since I met him. Why?

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  • 17155723_1276060565776625_4168236093605263369_n Jarzebkowska_Iga Flag

    Commitment issues or middleage break through
    He might have always have a commitment issues and he's the hell out scared of being in a relationship, while he already reach to the point in his lfe that he can date several women.
    I have no idea if he's divorced and ( or ) has kids, but this would explain a lot too.

    Mon 26, Jun 2017 at 7:42am
  • User-anonymous Tee123 Flag

    Hi he's divorced twice, no kids, last long term girlfriend left him for another so yes you are right commitment issues but what I don't understand is why he has a pattern of going on the dating site mostly after we have been away and had a wonderful close time?

    Mon 26, Jun 2017 at 7:17pm
  • User-anonymous Tee123 Flag

    Also you may think me naïve but he simply has no time to go out with anyone else on a proper evening date as we see each other every Saturday through to Sunday morning. Surely the other woman/women wouldn't put up with that?

    Mon 26, Jun 2017 at 7:20pm
  • User-anonymous Tee123 Flag

    Meant to add sorry.... do you think I should confront him with this? He gives no sign at all that his feelings have changed towards me in fact we seem to be getting more and more close. I have a key to his house have met his family and friends also.?

    Mon 26, Jun 2017 at 7:22pm
  • 17155723_1276060565776625_4168236093605263369_n Jarzebkowska_Iga Flag

    Hmm I truly believe it's connected with the commitment issue. For you it's obvious as you had a wonderful time and it leads to the way of relationship, while this scares him the hell off. He might have developed some feelings for you but he also wants to be free as he was married. Marriage is something serious, something that you commit for your life.
    I honestly think you are a great "option" for him, because you see with him every saturday/sunday, so the weekend is already fulfilled. I also think he has feelings for you as you've met his family and friends. So I think he keeps you on hold, because you allow him to. He has a proper woman while still is able to date others.
    Confront him. That's my advice

    Tue 27, Jun 2017 at 12:12pm
  • User-anonymous Tee123 Flag

    Thank you for the reply. He's been on line again tonight after 4 days off. What you say does make sense. I am so frightened to say anything to him. I just don't want our relationship to end. Should I ask him if we are exclusive or just tell him I've seen him on line and ask him why? As for dating other women I don't see where he would have time. He gets up at 4am home and then bed by 9pm Monday to Thursday. Friday if we're not away it's his pub night and then he sees me Saturday night Sunday morning. Unless of course he is looking to replace me but then why get me so involved with his family and life?

    Tue 27, Jun 2017 at 8:35pm
  • 17155723_1276060565776625_4168236093605263369_n Jarzebkowska_Iga Flag

    I don't think you should just put him in a situation that there's no escape from : like or we're exlusive or we won't see each other any more because you'll end up in tears and he'll run away.
    I think you should tell him that you fancy him, that you have feelings and at that point it's impossible for you to be with someone who also seeks for attention of other women. That you respect yourself enough to know that you don't want that kind of relationship any more. And then if he needs time to think about it, just give him some space. Remember, you don't own that person. You will be already doing a move. Then will be his turn.

    Wed 28, Jun 2017 at 10:57am
  • 17155723_1276060565776625_4168236093605263369_n Jarzebkowska_Iga Flag

    By the way, if you decide too do so, tell me how did it work out :) I keep my fingers crossed for you

    Wed 28, Jun 2017 at 11:02am
  • User-anonymous Tee123 Flag

    I certainly will let you know....being honest and knowing me, I don't like confrontation and I don't want to lose him but I have become so anxious when I am not with him it is unhealthy. It's so confusing because when he is with me he's wonderful and even when he's not he always keeps in touch morning, noon and night. But thank you for you advice I do realise I have to have that conversation.

    Wed 28, Jun 2017 at 5:22pm
  • User-anonymous Tee123 Flag

    Just to say i'm off to see him later. He's been online every day!! Even today he texted me morning at 7.30 am and he went online for 10 minutes. 10 minutes the day before! It is so upsetting I cannot eat or sleep! But I am such a coward and will not say anything now. I think I must be in denial as I keep thinking he's only going on out of boredom as it's always when he's in bed last thing at night or first thing in the morning. I'll keep you posted.

    Sat 1, Jul 2017 at 7:27am
  • User-anonymous MelaninMagic Flag

    Hi Tee, I hear you saying that you really care for your partner and you have a great time together but I wondered why you are both still on a dating site if you are in a relationship? I know from my own experience it can feel awkward to talk about this when you are starting a new relationship but I think there need to be some healthy boundaries put in place so you both respect each other and know what is expected in your relationship.
    you met on a dating site so why not talk about when you feel it is a good time to delete your account and maybe hide your profile out of respect for each other while you figure out if you are compatible. is it possible he is giving you the wrong signals? from what you said it sounds like he enjoys his weekend away with you but is not committed to you so he continues to talk to other women online. I hear you saying that you are afraid to talk about this with him because he may say something that doesn't want to that if you know whats going on then you can decide what you want to do and if this relationship is what you think it is. Take care and good luck

    Thu 10, Aug 2017 at 11:44am