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bad situation

Posted by: Anonymous
Sat 14, Apr 2012 at 5:19pm
Affairs and Jealousy

Ok so I have been married to my husband for just over 2 years, we have been together since we were 19 (6 years) He's a really fantastic sweet loving generous & trustworthy guy who loves me, the only problem is he's not very affectionate with me I'm a cuddly person & admittedly I love attention & feeling 'wanted'. We have a good sex life & this is pretty much the only time I get affection. He never wants to kiss or cuddle me :(
So in november (2011) I went on a night out with my 2 best friends & they introduced me to their male friend let's call him A. I got very drunk & he ended up coming home with us that night, we shared a bed & as it was winter I was very cold n was shivering, he put his arms around me n held me all night. Nothing else happened & at this point I had no intention of cheating, I didn't know the guy, but I enjoyed the cuddle, made friends with him on facebook & left it at that. I put it behind me & even told my husband we had shared a bed but nothing happened, he wasn't too bothered by this. Christmas came & went & I had no further contact with this guy although after another night out I admitted to my best friends I had a little crush on him...
So, this year I have slowly got deeper n deeper with A. Every night out I would share a bed with him n each time we would take things a little further, but mostly I just loved how he wanted to kiss & hold me ALL night n tell me I'm beautiful. We started messaging every day as well as texting. We started to have feelings for each other. Until finally we slept together last weekend! I felt awful & so guilty but we carried on talking none the less.
My two best friends don't know we slept together, we are keeping it a secret but they know everything else, and are getting sick of hearing about it as it is ALL I talk about! My life literally revolves round him :( I am obsessed!
So last night me n A shared a bed again, we didn't have sex but other things happened. This morning we agreed that this has to stop so we deleted each others numbers & agreed to sever all ties.
I know its the right thing to do & I do love my husband & want to stay with him & I need to forget this guy. I told my friends its all over & they are happy.
Just wondering if anyone has any insights or advice for me, I need to forget this guy, move on & treat my husband better!

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  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    In your last sentence you have told yourself what you need to do - focus on the positive points of being with your husband - fantastic, loving, sweet, generous and trustworthy. In a way, I suppose, he is there for YOU to love. How about it? You can do this. Most people would give up and try for someone new who they think will give them what they want. But that is not you, is it?

    Sat 14, Apr 2012 at 7:38pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    I don't want to leave my husband because there is no greater guy and I realise that with another man comes another set of problems I have tried to talk to him about the lack of affection but he doesn't seem to think there's a problem.
    Now I just need to get over A & deal with my guilt! If I were to be with A I don't think he would make a good boyfriend as although he is affectionate he's a complete player n would mess me around & hurt me, I know that for a fact.

    Sat 14, Apr 2012 at 7:54pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    I wonder if your husband is quite shy of his sexual prowess? He may need a lot of encouragement, and need to know that he is the one love of your life. It is not always the case that men can just "have sex". For some sween, loving trustworthy men, I think lovemaking is an expression of a tenderness and gentleness between the two of you. Perhaps you may have a feeling that you broke that bond when you slept in the same bed with A, but I think you have the strength of mind to put those those thoughts behind you and determine that your husband will be the one with whom you have sexual thoughts and feelings.

    Sat 14, Apr 2012 at 8:10pm
  • User-anonymous maybaby Flag

    We have never had a problem in the sex department, I think he can be shy but not sexually, he's quite confident now. I do show him I love him but I am going to put more effort in now. I am going to change my life & stop going out all the time! Avoid A at all costs and above all get my marriage back on track!

    Sun 15, Apr 2012 at 10:35am