It's easier to break off an engagement than end an unhappy marriage. Going to couple counselling would help you both to discuss and explore these differences. Perhaps you could also post this on the forum?

It doesn't sound like she understands how much she hurt you and that this continued contact makes you doubt her. Have you asked her to stop or is this man a colleague of hers? Try posting this on the forum.

Could you give a little more information please? Or you could post on the forum. It's hard to answer without knowing more about the situation.

That sounds like a really tough situation to be in. Often people who say nothing feel numb, or scared they will say the wrong thing. ....so they say nothing, to avoid making things worse. Does this make sense at all? Maybe you could get some relationship counselling ...usually a relationship counsellor will have experience of working with couples who share the same pattern...I.E one partner does most of the talking and trying to sort things out and the other withdraws. Relate and Marriage Care offer relationship counselling. There are also resources on the site on communication you and your partner might find helpful

Maybe you could start by showing him what you have written here. It may be that it hurt so much when he compared you to his ex's that you are afraid to trust him. There are good resources on the site for building trust in your relationship. Why not have a look? You could also post on the forum and see what others have to say. It sounds like you really want this relationship to work...good luck!

You do not say what age your boyfriend is. It does seem from what you say that the "umbilical cord" has not yet been broken. This is going to be a hard decision for you as he is defensive of his mother. The trouble is that it feels as though she is divisive, but to get his loyalty wholly for yourself will make you actually divisive. Not what you want to be, really? I wonder if you can start by making friends with her yourself and then suggesting times when you can both spend some time with her doing something interesting with her. This could allow her to start thinking of her son as now being part of a couple relationship. See what I mean.? Good luck.

Welcome! You may be interested in the Relationship Advice section which has articles, videos and animations about what problems there may be in a relationship and information about how to improve things. The courses has videos and things to think about e.g. there is a helpful one on arguing better. The Forum is where people can post a question/problem in more detail.
I hope you use the site and find it useful. We're always open to feedback.

he thinks your family hate him,...... perhaps he is afraid they will react to him or treat him in a biased way because he dishonoured his marriage vows.

Many men have a roving eye, and a lot of them might return to the woman in their life that is their solid rock or soft target.

its a hard one because for many women, if a man has been introducing them to unknown body fluids without considering their position, that means it is over.

if the man deserts the marital home, the average woman would take that to mean it is over.

what makes your husband uncalm?
why do you need his permission to talk to your family?
why are you in your relationship?
what is the benefit of this liaison to you?
are you happy?
are you dependent on him for support financially?

if you are asking when to know if it is over, then it is likely it is over.

some people give what you call a last rag chance and set a timeline to see if their partner changes or if things improve or if dialogue improves.

they also will sit and speak to each other about the failures and weaknesses they perceive and the difficulties they are afraid of and concerns they have about each other.

They also agree to set goals and boundaries and ground rules which will pace their relationship and agree that if after all that dialogue its not working then they will mutually part ways.

Marriage is not bondage, so concentrate on what is important, you you you

next thing is you and him and how you relate to one another.

keep your mind clear and settle down and both be adults and work it through.

the man is not horrible, he is just doing what he likes.

if he really wants you then he will get with the program, or if he wants to go then open the door.

in my time, i have met women who had to get on their knees and bet their man to go and let them be, don't become a footmat of an emotional wreck

the golden rule of relationship thriving is dialogue

if that fails, groundrules

if that fails milestones to change

if that fails assessing the stakes

if that is done reevaluate and give a last rope

if you can make the rope long

if he hangs himself, bury him.

did he have the affairs recently or have things been ok in last 4 years....also its interesting that he wont or does not want you to talk to your family...maybe they are a better judge of his character and he knows it. Is he controlling and manipulative?...and what do you mean when you say he is horrible?

your boyfriend is not doing anything to you, he does not think it is okay and its not acceptable.

the reason it is happening is because you are in it, and the reason you are in it is a choice you have made.

Some men are more afraid of losing their inheritance than losing their future wife

A lot of men are able to move on from relationships that do not exist anywhere tangible.

After 7 years, you should have given up on playing to the piper, you could be nothing more than sweet taboo to him and when the time comes to stand up to family position, he will drive past your house in a convertible dressed like a sultan serenaded by drummers before your very eyes.

I don't want to sound wicked, but if they want you or not, his action toward you should give you a level of respect and he should be able to encourage his family not to interfere with his ability and knowledge of what he should do to respect you and honour you.

Ultimatums are not nice, but i would ask you to gently let him know that you do care but cannot continue to do things the way he is dictating and let him know what you expect.

if he cannot include you in his families life that is not a problem, but if you cannot be a part of his life without suffering some detriment because he does not know how to include you in his life and keep his family then you need to admit to yourself that he has a problem and maybe you need to give him space so he can solve it and take some space for your self to detox yourself of the cloak and dagger existence you have come to accept which is slowly eating you up.

No, such a way of giving in to their prejudices is not okay. I am afraid to say that it seems as though his family will always come first for him and you will come a rather poor second, and they have such a hold on him that this situation is unlikely to change. In a way it is a lovely thing that they have such a strong sense of family values, but when this is over the top, it can become very controlling. Money can be a BIG carrot, but I don't want to speak unfairly here. I don't know the situation. Keep posting and I do wish you well.

If he can't talk to them in front of you it's probably not innocent if there was nothing to hide he would be open about it don't you think?

It may be a transition thing...having to get used to speaking as your boyfriend rather than as a single person. Is there any way you can work trogether on it...maybe have a gathering with his friewnds and yours. If that is too much at once just get to know them as individuals...with his help?

When I started reading my first thought was that you need to meet your boyfriend away from home next time.
When I read the next few paragraphs, I was confused

By the time I got to the end, I kind of heaved a sigh of relief, but I guess, you want reassurance that you did right by ending it all.

Without knowing the other party, all I can say is that it is odd that a parent would be doing that and its actually abusive to do so, that is not love.... unless of course he has the brain of a child.

With regard to family relations, it may arise from time to time that what we expect and what is expect and what we do and what is perceived are different, but this sort of thing does arise within ethnic minority families commonly.

What do you think. Are you both matched well enough, does he have attributes that supercede dealing with a dragon in law?

To pass judgement on what you have outlined, I should say....End of chapter

I can understand why you were feeling so uncomfortable with the situation. I can't help but think that it's better to finish things with him before you get married, than struggle with the problem all your married life. Being respectful of a partner's parents is very different from putting them on a pedestal and accepting they are always right. When a couple gets married, they should really be putting each other first - not their partner's parents. Sorry to be harsh, I'm sure they are a very loving family - but that love needs to be shown in a way that is acceptable. Stay strong and start going out to have some fun with your friends.

That does sound a bit insensitive.. I wonder if he was upset that you were spending a week away from him. Whatever the reason you both need to get to the bottom of what is going on between you. Having a baby is a huge event for a couple...it may be that he is reacting to knowing his life is going to change in a big way when the baby arrives. Why not post on the forum and get other peoples opinions too. In the meantime why not let him know that all the anger in the texts was just a cover up of the hurt you felt...?

there isnt a why

there is a me, and you

you feel vulnerable

he feels a bit scared of losing batchelorhood

you are sensitive and feel a bit tetchy and weepy and emotinal

he feels your temper is on a short string.

he wanted you to know he loves you, wishes he could be with you but is going to man up and go play with the lads for two days and won't be labelled a nancy by diving off to text you every moment, you wanted him to make an outpouring of love.

tricky.

if it was me, i would leave it be and let him contact me on his return.

when he does if he asks about the outburst, then tell him you are suffering from a hormonal imbalance due to agreeing to let his dna invade your system and sorry you are becoming unhinged but it will all be over soon as baby arrives.

And tell him well, when baby gets here, you will have to cope with the invasion too, so sorry for the texts, I am drawing up a feeding roster as we speak, we need to agree who is going to do the 2-5am shift with baby.

he is probably going to laugh and apologise

As for you... Tropical...........hmnnnn........... pregnancy is strennous but labour is out of this world, start to practice your breathing lessons and relax and enjoy the time you still have where you don't have to work, cook, clean, be nursemaid to dad and baby and also pay the bills.

try to learn calming techniques, a lot of people experience anxiety in pregnancy, be thankful no one has said you have anything but pregnancy pains, you are not insane, you are carrying a half of foreign dna and its hungry, growing, energetic, does not care whether you are sleepy or tired it does its own thing, so no wonder you feel strained, anxious and worried. Relax.....you will be fine, baby will be fine and the other baby who is going off with the boys will be fine.

bless you

There are lots of posts on here about people who can't forgive or forget that their partner cheated. How you feel is how you feel-It sounds as if you're not letting his cheating ruin your relationship so enjoy what you have!

I totally relate to this... I shouldn't excuse his behaviour but put stresses through life that caused it... My worry is my trust has gone to zero percent yet can't be without him in my life!

You don't say how long ago this was. It is certainly possible to learn to love again if trust can be rebuilt. It sounds like you rally want the relationship to be like it was before but you have doubts.

You don't say how long ago this was. It is certainly possible to learn to love again if trust can be rebuilt. It sounds like you rally want the relationship to be like it was before but you have doubts.