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Don't know what to do with my relationship
It'll take you a little while to read it but I really feel to explain it in details so you'll get the picture. I'm 34 and married to a man for 9 years. He is bisexual and apparently so am I. Before we met he had had some one night stands (all men), but he was in love with one man, he didn't had sex with, they were just friends. Before we met I had had a crush on one girl, but we were just friends, I have never had any sexual experiences with woman (or men other than my husband for that matter). When I met my husband we connected right away. We started dating a few months later and everything was great. Sex was always awsome! We are best friends, we love eachother very much. But there are some problems anyway.
His problems are pornography and observing women on streets. He watches porn a lot. Straight porn that is. And he watches women on streets all the time. He is aware of this and he hates himself doing it. He accuses himself of being unfair and unfaithful to me because of watching porn and women. He shows remorse all the time and it's a bit annoying. He went to some spiritual and natural healers about his problem and they helped him a little, but didn't achieve a lot. The problems are still there.
My problem is this one woman I fell in love with a year ago. We occasionaly work together, she is much older than me and also married. I have never shown her feelings I have for her but somehow I have a feeling she knows. Moreover, I have a hunch she has some feelings for me too. Sometimes she is very kind to me and observes me in a way other females don't, but other times she tries to be as distant as possible. It's like she loves me too but holds herself back and wants to be faithful to her husband. I fantasize about her a lot. Not just about making love but also about living with her, being with her. It seems to me I just can't get over her. I don't want to be unfaithful, but I've realized it is not just a crush. I have never loved my husband as I love her. It's funny because she is not my best friend and I don't know much about her, but what I know makes me love her.
OK, back to my relationship with my husband. We are still best friends. We still have sex, it is still great, but much more infrequent. We tell eachother everything so I have also told him about this woman. He blames himself for my situation with this woman even though I have told him it's not his fault.
What do you guys think I should do about the whole situation?
Comments
Hi from your post it sounds to me like you are in love with two people and not sure what you want. This is a situation that happens to quite a lot of people and usually around times when their relationship reaches a different stage or development due to life changes brought about by stress through work or health issues, bereavement or wanting soemone else more than your husband/wife. Look at the articles under Relationship insight on the left hand side of the screen here, particularly Stages of relationship.
It sounds from your post here that you and your husband have a really good relationship where you both communicate in an honest and open way. I read that your husband blames himself for your current situation - have you really talked this through with him, especially around why sex has become more infrequent. What has caused this infrequency - other people involved (for you - this woman/for him - his male friend). How might these outside influences be affecting your relationship? Sorry if this sounds too intrusive but its often easy to put the questions when you are not in the situation.
Perhaps now you have put your concerns into words and had time to think things through perhaps you now have another perspective on what you want for your future. It would be good to hear how you work things out.