Don't know what to do with my relationship
It'll take you a little while to read it but I really feel to explain it in details so you'll get the picture. I'm 34 and married to a man for 9 years. He is bisexual and apparently so am I. Before we met he had had some one night stands (all men), but he was in love with one man, he didn't had sex with, they were just friends. Before we met I had had a crush on one girl, but we were just friends, I have never had any sexual experiences with woman (or men other than my husband for that matter). When I met my husband we connected right away. We started dating a few months later and everything was great. Sex was always awsome! We are best friends, we love eachother very much. But there are some problems anyway.
His problems are pornography and observing women on streets. He watches porn a lot. Straight porn that is. And he watches women on streets all the time. He is aware of this and he hates himself doing it. He accuses himself of being unfair and unfaithful to me because of watching porn and women. He shows remorse all the time and it's a bit annoying. He went to some spiritual and natural healers about his problem and they helped him a little, but didn't achieve a lot. The problems are still there.
My problem is this one woman I fell in love with a year ago. We occasionaly work together, she is much older than me and also married. I have never shown her feelings I have for her but somehow I have a feeling she knows. Moreover, I have a hunch she has some feelings for me too. Sometimes she is very kind to me and observes me in a way other females don't, but other times she tries to be as distant as possible. It's like she loves me too but holds herself back and wants to be faithful to her husband. I fantasize about her a lot. Not just about making love but also about living with her, being with her. It seems to me I just can't get over her. I don't want to be unfaithful, but I've realized it is not just a crush. I have never loved my husband as I love her. It's funny because she is not my best friend and I don't know much about her, but what I know makes me love her.
OK, back to my relationship with my husband. We are still best friends. We still have sex, it is still great, but much more infrequent. We tell eachother everything so I have also told him about this woman. He blames himself for my situation with this woman even though I have told him it's not his fault.
What do you guys think I should do about the whole situation?