Feeling your partner is too controlling is a serious issue; often the warning signs are there very early on in a relationship but tend to get ignored. Possessive and jealous behaviour gets excused, taken as a sign that your partner is so madly head over heels in love with you and they just want you all to themselves.

However, over time controlling behaviour usually gets worse not better and can really undermine the good things in a relationship. Admitting there’s a problem can be painful; and difficult for both of you. But facing up to it is the first step to ending it and getting your relationship on a more equal footing; but how you might wonder?

People mistakenly think that a relationship is only abusive when there is physical violence or bullying. That’s a common misconception. There’s emotional abuse too; this takes many forms and feeling you are being controlled should be taken as warning sign. No one should feel scared or intimidated by the person they love.

Unlike physical violence ignoring, denying or excusing behaviour is especially common when the abuse is psychological, rather than physical.

Feeling constantly controlled or manipulated will over time destroy your confidence, make you anxious and depressed, and often isolates you from people and situations that make you feel good about yourself. The first step to changing things is recognising when things have become abusive only then you can get the help both of you need. There are many signs that behaviour has become too controlling. The most telling sign is feeling scared of your partner. If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around them or constantly watching what you say or do in order to avoid a row —then your relationship is in danger of becoming abusive. Other signs are that you partner puts you down or will try to control you what you do and who you see.

But it’s important not just to focus on the other person’s behaviour; think about how it’s making you feel …..Do you feel less confident, isolated or unable to get through to them?

Think about how you would answer the following questions

What next

If you have answered yes to some of these questions then you need to open up the conversation with your partner about how you are feeling and changing things for the better. Using some of the exercises and articles on thecoupleconnection.net can help get you started …..Try and approach things together.

Articles and exercises about improving communication and getting on better will help get you started. Sometimes overly controlling behaviour comes from insecurity so make it clear to your partner you want to change things because the relationships matters to you.

If you have answered yes to most of the questions then you need to take action and may need to seek additional support to help you work through things together. The relationship  forum is moderated by trained counsellors and mediators who can offer advice and signposting. But you may feel more comfortable having a private discussion by using the listening room.