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Affairs, jealousy and Facebook

Tags: Affairs jealousy and facebook, facebook, partner flirting with others, marital affairs, marriage affairs, affair, married affair, having an affair, jealousy, jealous, cheating, cheating spouse, unfaithful, trust, trust issues

Most of us are guilty of looking up an old flame on Facebook and having a good old nosey at their new life without us. But at what point does common curiosity turn into plain old cheating?

Facebook can be a great way of reconnecting with old friends and keeping in touch with those who’ve moved away, but it can also pose a risk to your relationship if you let the past interfere with your present.

It’s wise to think carefully before you accept or add an ex-lover on Facebook. Sure, it’s interesting to see what they’re doing now; you may even want to share some old memories with one another. But getting nostalgic often leaves us thinking about all the positive feelings we once had for someone and rarely any of the negatives. By exploring old memories and emotions you could risk misinterpreting your real feelings for both your ex and your current partner. And what’s simply nostalgia to one person can be mistaken for love interest by another.

“I started to get suspicious when I noticed my girlfriend had added her ex on Facebook. She insisted it was innocent; they were just old friends keeping in touch. But then he started emailing her, texting her, calling her... and it soon became clear he just wanted to get back together.” - Simon, Hertford.

To avoid any potential Facebook fall outs (or full on cyber warfare), sit down with your partner and work out what you’re both comfortable with. Most couples will find it helpful to set some boundaries for their time on Facebook. You might discover you’re both happier if old flames are off-limits on Facebook, but perhaps simply telling each other about any new FB friends you’ve added will be enough to maintain trust.

Facebook can be addictive and the advent of the iPhone has meant some fans find it difficult to log out. Many couples now set aside some Facebook-free time, during dinner times and date nights, so no one feels neglected in favour of the news feed.

“Every time I look round my husband has got Facebook up on his phone. I get that it keeps him entertained while we’re in the supermarket or on the bus, but when he’s still on it while we’re sitting in a restaurant waiting for our food to arrive it really, really infuriates me.” – Louisa, Cheshire.

When one partner spends too much time on Facebook it can arouse suspicions and jealousy from within their other half; it’s easy to wonder just whose profile they’re scrolling through or why they can’t seem to turn the chat function off. But don’t let your imagination run ahead of you. Talk to your partner and ask them to include you more in their online life – it needn’t take place in a secret world you know nothing about; often sharing a funny status update is enough to make a partner feel included.

Are you and your partner on Facebook? How has it affected your relationship? Why not head to the Talk it Out forum to discuss your experiences on Facebook with other Couple Connection users?

Other articles in the series:

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Comments

  • User-anonymous toughth Flag

    My wife had an old boyfriend start back up with her on facebook. While I was in rehab for five months last year he stared seeing her. After I arrived home after about 2 weeks my wife received a phone call, she told me she was seeing and old college friend, the next day. I knew she went to an all female college but the way she cut out of the house the next morning seemed to be funny, I wanted an introduction, But she got up and left so fast all I could do was watch as the person and her went down the street in a Solstice. I called several times but received no answer on her cell, I received a call at 6:33 that night, She said she would be home by ten that evening, I waited until 1:00 am, then activated the tracker on my cell, I found she was at the downtown Hyate. I rose the next morning and watched as they started back. I trapped them in the drive and found out it was her old BF. She asked to take the discussion to the living room and I did I unblocked the car and fallowed. As I passed him he thought it would be funny to kick the cane I use for support out from under me, I hit hard on the floor and the jerk started laughing saying pathetic, I just took my cane and threw it as hard as possible catching him in the side of his head fracturing his scull. I ended up in a stress center for anger management, My wife said the hurt I did was far out of proportion to the offence. The last year I have been defending my rights as a husband. I make her angry, my father and his friends angry by being an person that refuses any request to let my wife in any private situation, four men including my father have been hurt for my defense of my rights, My wife is bi polar and the state forced a guardianship on me years ago, I can't divorce without breaking the bank.

    Fri 1, Aug 2014 at 8:23pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    facebook is evil I have just caught my partner chatting to a woman on it who he knows . He has deleted it and her and wiped her from his phone. where do you go from that.. there is no trust just hurt

    Wed 2, Jul 2014 at 11:49am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    my husband is always on FB...I also...he keeps changing his password but when he forgets to log out i have seen that he is in touch with old girlfrieds from 40 years ago...its funny how they are on his contacts but never comment on his status... and also on my e mail( if i have a facebook message) it comes up there as both have the same e mail ...however my husband never has messages on his e mail with a link to facebook...i wonderered if somehow he got this tken off so i cannot check what he is saying to old girlfriends.....hate technology now it has made me very insecure!

    Fri 15, Mar 2013 at 12:40pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    i have tried to talk to my bf about fb but he has trust issues and i wonder if something is going on i went the extra mile and gave him my fb password but when i asked if i could see his he simply ignored me we have had many problems with him talking to his ex behind my back and i have been trying to talk to him to open up to me but hes always shut down i hope after he reads this article maybe he will come around...

    Sun 3, Feb 2013 at 4:45pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    I spend most of my time on facebook and my partners hardly around, When hes away, he rings me everyday and asks me who i've seen or spoke to but when i ask him what hes been up to, he changes the subject pretty fast. He doesnt trust me at all. I have to constantly reasure him. He tells me to behave and to do nothing he wouldnt, before he hangs up the phone. Most of my friends are male and i talk to them all the time, i'm not going to ignore them just because im seeing someone, He wants to know who im talking to and if its a guy, he wants to know whats being said but i cannot know who hes talking to. My partner isnt on fb but hears me and my friends talking about resent conversations on there, he says he might sign up but tell no-one. When hes away he says he has people watching me, just incase i do something he wouldnt want me to do. I've been going to the shops with my brother one day and he rang and asked who i was with. When i'm in a public place and can hear a males voice he goes mardy. I'm going to uni in september and cant wait, He wants to buy a house near my uni so i can move in with him and only go on campus when hes taking me to my classes. Hes an amazing guy (although how i've wrote all the negitive things down, he wouldnt sound it) but i feel like hes suffercating me at times. I want my space to do what i like without being watched by his friends. I want to go to uni and live on campus to have that experience. How do i say this to him without hurting his feelings? Help..

    Sat 12, Jan 2013 at 5:29am
  • User-anonymous azrieal4 Flag

    My girlfriend spends all day on facebook talking to her ex's and while I understand that they were in her life first I cant help but wonder if all they are doing is talking. She keeps her world private from mine mostly and when ever I try to get her to open up to me its like pulling teath.

    That said I think that after reading this article I might have made much to do about nothing.

    Tue 18, Sep 2012 at 9:10pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    thank you all, for help my family, natural family it is always the future of the world....

    Thu 21, Apr 2011 at 11:36pm

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