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Wife won't forgive me for having an affair

Posted by: Anonymous
Wed 20, Aug 2008 at 1:40pm
Affairs and Jealousy

I have always had a stronger sex drive than my wife and I had an affair which ended 3 years ago (I felt lonely, wasn’t getting the affection I needed ….you know what I mean). My wife found out about it and confronted me.  The evidence was all there so it was pointless denying it.  The affair did go on for a long time (4 years) and during that time I must admit between work which took me abroad a lot and my lover I also ended up neglecting our teenage son who I love dearly.   But as I said – that was all over 3 years ago – but my wife just cant forgive me or forget the affair.  She raises it whenever we have an argument, we no longer sleep in the same bed I really do love my wife, she is a fantastic mother and a caring partner.  I have apologized over and over again for what I have done, but it seems to make no difference.  I cant just keep apologizing so I have stopped.  I asked her how I can make it up to her and she just cries, we have been to the GP but she wont accept any counseling or any other help.  If I even suggest that we get some help she gets so angry she shouts and screams and tells me what a loser I am.  I just don’t know what to do.  Should I cut my losses and leave?

  This was of help to 0% of people  


  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    No don't leave.  Show her your post, you obviously love her.  
    One thing is missing from this site and that is explaining the male physical need and how it is not emotionally linked all the time to our love for our partner. Some of us, and if we are truthful many of us have times that our bodies are crying-out for sex, it is probably due to hormones.  There are those who say masturbation could help, but it is only a temporary release as there is nothing like someone being part of it, wanting you physically.  Women may not understand, it is not something you can turn-off it is a chemically driven feeling.
    You do describe that other woman provided affection.  I wonder whether you meant that in the physical sense.  Marriage is a two way thing, presumably you have reacted to not getting what your body needed for a quite some time; two wrongs don't make it right, but perhaps it helps in understanding why.
    I think it is a good idea to stop apologising.  You have done it and the more you say it the more weak it sounds.  If your wife raises it in an argument, perhaps consider telling her that you love her, because you clearly do. Say it with feeling and each time you say it the stronger the bond, it takes time.

    Mon 25, Aug 2008 at 8:58am
  • User-anonymous penny Flag

    Hello, this post has deeply troubled me as it is similar to my situation. I'm just wondering if it turned out for the better. Best wishes.

    Wed 31, Mar 2010 at 2:08pm