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What started it?

Posted by: Anonymous
Thu 5, Jan 2017 at 5:14pm
Getting on Better with my Partner

Hi all, I'm Alan, the last year has not been good for myself, partner or family, 2016 started with our daughter being bullied at school, it got so bad, we had to involve the police, who really did nothing, as did the school, we moved her to a different school and we now have a happy and vibrant daughter with a totally different outlook on life with a lot more friends who are all good and they get on well. Following this, we lost our family dog due to an odd occurrence, he had a spinal stroke and had to be out to sleep. After this, there were two more incidents involving the police, non of our doing, but had and still has, far few bing problems, this has left my partner and l at each others throats at times. During the year, my partner's health hasn't been very good and her mother has had many trips to the hospital, constantly going to the doctors, changing medication and generally not being well herself. We had a water leak in the yards which was not attended to by the local authority and left us with a lot of water causing damage inside the house, even though the leak was outside. Because this was not dealt with, it caused more stress in the home and there was bad feeling all round.
Every week we had problems and issues developing, eventually, in mid-october, l had a nasty siezure, luckily l was in the local surgery at the time and was dealt with quickly and efficiently. I was taken to hospital and was very delirious, by the time l had any sense about me and had an idea of who and where l was, l was convinced it was 1984 and l was 23 years old again. Another problem was, l had no memory from then up to the present day, l would say that only about 10% has returned and is causing me really big scary moments, my partner and best friend has been filling a lot of the gaps, but l cannot remember the birth of our children, getting together with my partner, an accident in 1986 which left me with life and physical changing infirmaties, another accident in 2008, which l cannot remember, left me with spinal injuries which further exacerbated my previous injuries and a constant battle with back and joint pain every day. Following the seizure, I've been getting treatment and have to have an EEG and MRI scan in the next month or so. My driving license has been suspended, so I'm virtually useless and housebound, my partner is having to spend more time with her mother and I'm not in a condition to do very much at home, this is leaving her with almost everything to do, its wearing her down physically and mentally. It's also playing on my mind, as I cannot do anything. Recently, our finances have taken a bit due to the DWP cutting my benefits after knocking me off ESA and putting me on JSA following a medical, because l appealed their decision, theyve halved my money. This has had so much of an effect on me, I've become withdrawn, angry, short tempered, argumentative, in fact, down right horrible. Ive become so hung up on these issues, it's caused a huge rift with my partner, she wants me to leave the house and live elsewhere. This is understandable and l can understand her feelings and request, l have approached the local council for a property, so it's a case of waiting for them. My local doctor is in the process of arranging counselling g for me for both my well being and medication, as the doctor thinks my meds might be having an effect on my behaviour.
I could go on and on, but wouldn't stop, could or would any of the learned members please advise me on what l could or should do, to help my plight, get my life back on track and hopefully mend my relationship.



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  • Cc jaybee (moderator) Flag

    What a catalogue of disaster! But well done for showing so much insight and accepting responsibility for yourself and the way you have been towards those around you. I can see why you might pin the way you are feeling on all these things that have gone wrong but I guess what you are struggling with is the loss you are feeling as a result of these life-changing events in relation to your health.
    It's great to know that you are being offered some help with talking through what's happened. I see it's a while since your original post so hopefully that's underway now. I hope it's helpful to you and that those around you benefit from you feeling better about yourself.
    The other thing you have managed to do is to keep sight of some of the positives in your life, such as your daughter being happier at school.
    My hope for you is for things to improve enough for you not to have to take the drastic step of moving away from your partner but, above all, I hope you find some clarity about what's best for all of you..

    Sun 15, Jan 2017 at 12:19pm
  • User-anonymous wack Flag

    Hi all, my apologies for not being online, there's been a big change in my life, I now have a nice bungalow to live in, it's taken me a while to get sorted and I finally got carpets down 3 weeks ago, but I managed to grab some furniture etc over the last few months.
    I'm living about 150 from my ex and actually, I'm midway between her and her mother and the footpath leads right passed my property, but she never sets foot near me. My finances are sorted, I'm not very well off, but I can live very frugally and can still eat well, so I'm doing fairly well. I still have a lot of property at my old home, but getting it it very difficult, I ask when I can go around to collect it, but when I do, she's gone out, this has happened on 9 occasions, so I've spoken to my solicitor and he's told her in a letter she'll get tomorrow, to either furnish me with a set of keys within 7 days or, I will seek bailiffs to go in and take contents to the value of half the contents. I've not done this lightly and don't want to do it, but she's pushed me far enough.
    Another problem I've had, is not getting all my mail, I've had phone calls more then once, asking my why I'd not attended a meeting or appointment, when I queried this, she denies any letters have come. I've had my mail redirected with the PO 3 times, but, I think some of it slips through the net and goes to my old address.
    She will still not accept responsibility for spending all the money last year, even though the bank statements prove otherwise, I was around there last Monday and wasn't feeling very well to start with, I wear a prosthetic leg and I developed an infection in the stump, but the infection had spread and I'm very worried it gets into the bone and I have to have further surgery, if this happens, I'll lose more of the leg and become and above knee amputee, this will make a massive and very bad difference to my life and lifestyle, she knows this and still started berating me and hurling a barrage of abuse at me, the neighbour were out wondering whats going on. Because of the seizure, I've been told not to get into any heated or stressful situations, to protect myself, I started to walk away, then she upped her game and started calling me "a wimp and I couldn't hold a conversation with her", In our relationship, she was the one who wouldn't talk to me, I just kept walking and haven't been near since.
    I'm feeling much better, mentally and physically, I've dropped almost 3 stone in weight and have had several positive dates, so I'm back on the horse, so to speak. I know for a fact, my ex isn't happy that I've got my act together, so maybe that's why she's being so aggressive.
    I could go on and on, but I'll leave it here for the time being and hopefully, I can carry on improving and continue to enjoy life to the best I can.


    Mon 12, Jun 2017 at 11:46pm