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we literally never argue, help please

Posted by: Anonymous
Thu 9, Mar 2017 at 2:33pm
Sex/Intimacy and romance, Getting on Better with my Partner, Communications in relationships


i've been dating this guy for 6 or 7 months.
We have literally NEVER argued, not even a small fight not anything and there is not really any passion in our relationship or much chemistry but I really like him, I say like and not love because right now i'm not sure what I feel anymore.
Maybe i'm just messed up because I dated a bad guy before him who used to hurt me so we were constantly arguing but there was on the other hand insane chemistry and passion between us constantly... and that is what I miss (not the part about being hurt though of course).

There has been plenty of times when he could've gotten upset with me for something but he is always so accepting and kind.. it is driving me insane! He is a fun guy though, very adventurous but not "exciting"... always goofy and making bad jokes. I think it is important to me that there is a lot of spark in a relationship... this is cliché but I mean like in the movie The Notebook.. they fight all the time but they love and care for each other and I don't think their love story would have been so epic if they didn't honestly.

So what can I do or should I just leave?

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  • Cc jaybee (moderator) Flag

    Hi, thanks for your post.
    I don't know whether you should stay with this guy or not. What does occur to me is that you maybe associating lack of conflict with lack of connection. However, you may just be with someone for whom this not part of his 'love language'.
    If you leave, fine, but how about getting some help with finding out where this need for sparks to fly comes from? It may be something to do with the understanding of relationships that you have grown up with; your 'love language' if you like. But like you say yourself, there's a negative, possibly even dangerous side to it that you clearly want to avoid in the future.

    Sun 19, Mar 2017 at 3:14pm
  • User-anonymous Lyanna Flag

    I understand where you're coming from but I think you shouldn't associate the fact that there's no passion in your relationship with the arguing. There can be passion without constant fighting and there can be constant fighting without positive passion in the relationship.
    I've been for a long time with my boyfriend and I really love him but I admit that often I feel bored about the things we do and I would like it to be more exciting and passionate. Even so, I assure you we fight but this doesn't make me feel that the relationship is more passionate! When in the end of the fight, we understand each other better and I know that it helped us to get more intimate, well in that case I guess it adds some passion but except of that it's not the fights themselves that bring the passion in the relationship but how you resolve them and what you get from them! At least, that's how I see it.
    What I'd advice you (and what I try to do) is to find ways to make the relationship more fun. Just define what passion means to you and try to achieve it (but of course you need the cooperation of your partner)!

    Sat 25, Mar 2017 at 12:46am