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Posted by: MRae
Fri 4, Aug 2017 at 4:59am
Communications in relationships
Break up,cheating,tapped

I'm 17, and I've been with the same person for the past 2 years, and it got incredibly serious. We came up with names for our kids, wanted to get married, we planned college together etc. But recently I just feel like I want something new, I'm young, I should be able to grow and explore myself, I haven't felt so happy with him as I have been before, and our future has become fuzzy for me. He is very emotionally invested and since the beginning has had severe emotional issues and it even got to the point of being suicidal, and even now he tells me he has nightmares of me cheating on him or leaving him for someone else. He's improved now but still has problems. Because of that he became very emotionally dependent on me, which at the time, being young, I thought it was ok, it was romance, love, and it was. I know it came from love. But the problem is there have been times when he tells me "I do everything for you." and that concerned me because I want him to do things for himself. And when I told him that he just says he doesn't see a point in that. He says things like this all the time, which at the time seemed romantic, but now it scares me. I feel like if I leave him he would hurt himself, or forget about school, or ruin his life, or all of the above. Some would say that this is manipulation, and maybe it is, subconsciously, but I truly believe that he doesn't mean it that way, he just loves me. I don't want him to do those things, I will always love him, he is a huge part of my life and helped me grow as a person, I don't want to see him do those things. I almost feel kind of trapped. I feel like I have to choose between being in a relationship that I'm not happy in, even trapped, or having the person I love ruin their life. I'm finding myself interested in other people and almost willing to cheat, that way I don't have to choose, but I know that's wrong and I'm not that kind of person. I love this person, I still want to at least have a friendship with them and if in the future I decide that's what I need, be able to come back with him, but not if he has hurt his life in terrible ways I'm anticipating.

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  • User-anonymous kdinthahouse Flag

    Have you ever talked to him about this? Because to me this seems as a lack of communication. You should talk to him and tell him how you truely feel. He needs to understand that you're still in high school (I'm assuming) and college has a lot to offer. Ask him if he wants an open relationship if you really want to see other people? I have a friend who's married to his high school lover. His story is what keeps me going sometimes, but to summarize it, it's a story based on the saying "If it's truely meant to be together, life will find a way to make it happen." As much as your boyfriend loves you, he will need to understand that he shouldn't hold onto things so tightly (there was a saying for that, it had to do with sand). I wish you luck and hopefully my advice helped in a way :)

    Wed 9, Aug 2017 at 3:23am