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The Silent treatment...

User-anonymous
Posted by: Praegers
Flag
Sat 29, Jul 2017 at 6:21pm
Categories:
Affairs and Jealousy, Communications in relationships
Tags:
silent treatment,narcissistic behaviour,victim,abusive relationship

Hi, I'm new to the forum, I'll try and keep it short.

We've been going out over a year - all fine. He's always said he isn't jealous of me, and is actually pleased when other guys find me attractive, it's a boost to his ego. He has said so himself.

This is the problem: I still speak to my ex, the relationship finished over 2 years ago and was platonic for a while before we split, but we bump into each other at times and when we do I'm fine with him.
We aren't friends but I'm civil to everyone I meet. And my partner, whom I'm CRAZY about, knows that I'm generally nice to everyone, don't hold grudges, etc. I was also careful to tell him I am still civil with my ex. And he was ok with that.

So to cut a long story short I went to buy my partner a gift and my ex saw me and asked me to stop, he wanted to show me some cheese (we used to work together in catering). Cool.

That's exactly when my partner passed, and saw me talking to my ex, and since then, NO CONTACT. Nothing but 'I don't need you, go away, I don't want to talk to you, you hurt me', etc. I texted him (of course, silly me) and tried phoning but he's only replied to a couple to say he's hurt; I need to know how much it hurt him; he's trying to get over his disappointment,

Then silence.

I'm hurting really badly; I haven't initiated contact for 2 days. This came totally out of the blue for me. I'm sued to talking things over, had no idea he seem to be exhibiting narcisistic behaviour, and is going against ALL the things he led me to believe.
Any advice appreciated - I'm going mad here.

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Comments

  • User-anonymous Whatamilike Flag

    He sounds like her over- reacted, (which I am the queen of doing)
    Perhaps an email explaining it pretty much as above would help. He can see you've made some effort to put it right and can read it a few times to let it digest. You sound very sincere and the meeting seems harmless but maybe he is more insecure inside that he lets you know about

    Mon 7, Aug 2017 at 11:06pm
  • User-anonymous Praegers Flag

    Thank you for taking the time to comment. You're right, he overreacted. I forced myself to wait for him to work through things and we're ok. There have been some repercussions - first of all, he's seen how much I care, and though I was afraid it would scare him off,it hasn't. In fact its done just the opposite.I've seen how he reacts when he's insecure. Not great. And I've cut contact with my ex - I realised he isn't over me.

    Thu 10, Aug 2017 at 8:05am