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So confused

Posted by: Anonymous
Tue 24, Jan 2012 at 9:16pm
Affairs and Jealousy

I need some advice and views on what is going on in my relationship currently. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now. We have a 2 year old daughter and we love together. Prior to dating, we had been friends for like 6 years so he has been a huge part of my life for a very long time. We have had a lot of up's and down's in our relationship...his drug addiction being the biggest of all. For the first 2 years of our relationship he had a serious drug problem. I supported him through this financially, I basically took care of his every need. He didn't work or do anything really. Finally after having our daughter he decided to go to rehab. He has now been clean for a year and a half. I know I should be thankful that he is clean and an amazing father who now works and helps support our family, but I'm just not in love with him anymore. Yes, I have lots of love for him in my heart, but I'm certainly not in love with him. I have so much resent and anger built up from the past that it's hard to move forward. I also feel like I've grown up so much over the past few years and I'm not the same person I was when we started dating. I'm much stronger and wiser now.
A few months ago I ran into a ex-boyfriend of mine from the past and ever since then I can't stop thinking about him. We text and chat on facebook all the time. We have even met each other out at bars, but nothing physical has ever taken place. I believe I'm still in love with this man. I've told him how I feel and I'm pretty sure he feels the same way, but he won't really have that discussion with me because I'm still involved with my boyfriend. I'm completely torn over this situation. it's not even completely about this other guy because I have been unhappy for a long time. This other guy has just made it easier to see. The few friends that know about this feel like it is black and white...I need to leave my boyfriend. But, when you share a life and child with someone it's just not that easy. Plus, I don't know how my boyfriend would make it in life without me. He has depended on me for so long. His family doesn't live close by either to be able to help him out. I also don't handle confrontation very well at all and I have been having severe anxiety over what to do. I know if I tell my boyfriend how I'm feeling he will not take it very well and a big fight will ensue. Please help!!!

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  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    Life is odd and strange sometimes. I know, I've been the 'ex-boyfriend' of a similar situation acutally. Your constantly worrying about what the best thing to do is and what would make everyone happy? You've just got to sit down and be honest with your self about what you want. Because it seems to me that your giving excuses not to break up with him. Which makes me question whether you do really want to leave? The grass is always greener on the other side. If this is the case you need to talk to your boyfriend and see if you can make it work, you owe him that at least? And after that you have to ask "What do I want?" Once you've stopped giving excuses and complicating it, you'll know what you want. Then you'll start the new day of your new life which ever you choose.

    "I never said life was easy, I just said it was worth it"

    Wed 25, Jan 2012 at 5:43pm
  • User-anonymous DCRoper Flag

    Hello, If I may. I have and still am on major drugs.. prescription one not illegal ones. But my point is that I know that drug addiction is a very hard thing to live with and it changes a person into someone who they are not. It clouds the mind and it can make you nasty to be around,short tempered, a total git really. Then when you have no meds or you have had a really bad month and run out or are ill and run out then you go into withdrawal. This is the worst time for any one with drug dependencies as their life is shot to hell. The support and love that you gave to him in those dire times will be a memory he will carry forever. But also he will know what a strain he put onto you. even if he is not wanting to admit it. He will know. If he wants to be a major part of your life give him the chance to get to know you again as the person who was on drugs... is not the person he is now. His mind and chemical balance will be different now so the man he is now should be a better more loving person. Maybe if you tried a few dates or even wrote a letter each explaining how you feel it might help you both see what you have and what you will lose when its gone. Because as you might be bored of him now when he is not always there you might actually notice that the very person you have come to dislike. Is in fact the person you cannot do without, you just need to get to know the new him now as the old one is long gone.

    Tue 7, Feb 2012 at 11:05pm