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Should I be worried

Posted by: itmehere
Wed 6, Dec 2017 at 11:25pm
Making a Commitment, Communications in relationships

Hi all just looking for a bit of input. Hope Ive got this in the right place. Ive been with a girl for about 5 months. We get along really well together. She is pushing to get married. She is extremely secretive about her past and told me she was never going to tell me anything about her past. I got pretty upset and told her its making me feel like I can’t trust her. So finally shes opened up a bit.

Keeping it short this is what she told me. She has never been single for more than a month, She has had at least ten boyfriends. She has been engaged 3 times. In some cases she literally left one boyfriend that she was engaged to and walk to the other side of the room (in the pub) and found someone else to go out with. She was still seeing her last boyfriend when she asked me to go out with her. She also told me that the last few boyfriends she had including one she was engaged to she never had sex with because she didn’t feel close enough to them. On top of that she was hanging out with an ex who was trying to get back with her. She told me he was only a friend. I only found out he was her ex and was trying to get her back because I over heard her say it to her friend. To her credit once I confronted her she told him she will have nothing to do with him and deleted all her male friend numbers of her phone because she didn't want it causing problems with us. Not that I was worried about her have male friends and if I knew she was going to do that I would have said not to.

Should I be concerned by this. She basically breaks up with one and just finds any man to go out with. Even some guys she’s gone out with she said she didn’t even like them when they asked her out but still went out with them. Sorry it’s a bit long and please this is not about how many guys she had sex with.

We get along really well together and I want the relationship to work. She says I am nothing like her exs and she is serious about me. I do believe her when she says that because most of her exs were unemployed and were either alcoholics or drug uses and she would just get with the first guy she could once a relationship ended so she made poor choices in finding someone. I am employed full time and drink very little and never touch drugs. Also she is asking to move in with me and she has only ever lived with on other guy all the others she never moved in with.

Any thoughts on this would be much appreciated as I have come out of a long relationship and are very inexperienced at beginning a new relationships.

Thanks you for your time.

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  • User-anonymous Achyheartface Flag

    Hi, how old arè you two?

    It sounds like she had a bit of a rough past. It's not healthy to always be in a relationship. She doesn't know who she is and is afraid of being alone, you can be close friends with someone without dating them. It sounds like she is lacking something in her self and tries to find it in guys, any guy.

    She needs to learn to love her self first. It's not good she lied. You have forgiven her, no more lies allowed.

    Do not get married, my ex wanted me to marry him after 4 months. I agreed to being engaged but that's it. Relationship failed 8 months later. When people move in, they tend to show more of their real behaviour, if you do so, make sure you have a good exit strategy.

    Be a strong person, she should want to be with you for you, not because she is too scared to be single. Definitely should be with her and it sounds like you are enotionally stronger than her so it may be what she needs and had been looking for (dating every guty is not how).

    She definitely 100% needs therapy, clearly has abandonment and loneliness issues.

    Sat 16, Dec 2017 at 2:18pm