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Shoul I Leave Him?

Posted by: Anonymous
Tue 1, Nov 2011 at 10:09am
Sex/Intimacy and romance

Hi Guys Im Kinda New To This Site...
Okay So Im 16 And Going out with a guy who is 25 ( Yes 9 Years InBetween Us.) 3 Days Ago Was His Birthday, so as usual he picked me up from school with his car. So when we were in the car he said " So Whats My Present?" I Just Looked At Hiim And said " You'll see" then he just when we came to some really quite place,he started to touch my legs and keep on going up and down, Then he told me to go to the back of the I did then he came. We started to kiss then i gave him heads (suck his dick,Im not a slut!) then he pulled me up and we started to kiss we were kissing he put his hand up my skirt and tried to pull my pants down! But i realised he wasnt wearing a condom
So i told him to stop,but he didnt! He pushed me and went on top of me..i started to cry but he didnt care! He opened the buttons of my school shirt..then i screamed "you fucking rapist get of me" the mintue i said that he pulled away. He got out the car, i started to cry even more because he was shouting out " what the fuck im I doing?" he said that about 3-4 time and got in the car and dropped me off on my street. I Didnt say a word and left! That night i told one of my best friend what happened. The day later my friend forced me to come school ( so maybe i'll forget him), so i came to school and everything was normal. When school finished i Saw my Boyfriend With His car again! I got angry and went up to him and said " what the fuck are you doing here" then he said " we need to talk"( and said some other things but i dont remeber them) so i got in the car and we went to the same place. He got out the car and came to the back, where i was sitting. When he got in the car he got really close to me and i started to cry and asked him " why did you stop last night? " then he replied " coz dont wanna hurt the girl i love" the mintue he said that i felt powerless..I forgot everything that happened last night and hugged him. I dont why but everytime he touchs me i forget all my problems and feel lose, I Feel like he would protect me from all the bad things and i feel specail! Why? Why do i feel liike thiis for a man that nearly raped me? Isit love? 
So anyways he put his hands on my shoulder and said " im not the right guy for you! Ima player type, look Amanda Lets end this before I Do something dumb and hurt you, coz im feeling things that i've never felt for any women in my life,i think im falling deeply in love with you,and that dangerouse for you, please baby undestand me and help end this realtionship" (he said something in between these lines, i dont remember it word to word) i was shoked,i didnt know what to do because i really did love him!
So What Should I Do? Break up with Him? Stay with him? I am confused please help me, I Really Do Love Hiim! 

  This was of help to 100% of people  


  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    first of all it is NOT ACCEPTABLE behavior on his part. You were in a situation where you were forced to have intercourse----yes that is rape (in my opinion). Are you ok? Take a deep breathe, you were in a relationship with him, and he obviously cares about you. His behavior to be honest is a typical 25 year old male.

    My boyfriend is 9 years older than me, but I am 24. So I am sure you have heard this before, but it has to do with the age difference. You are VERY young, and he is too, but you have to ask yourself "What is a 25 year old doing with a 16" you should be dating a 16 ot 17 year old boy! What I am trying to get at is----he was "in the moment" and should have RESPECT YOU AND YOUR REQUEST to stop/wait. who knows what else he is capable of doing, in my opinion RUN. Hes 25, he should be dating girls more his age----you are a wonderful girl I am sure, but trust me (from experience) and older man can be a dangerous thing to be with. They are older, wiser, and may take advantage of you---and you are too young and wonderful for that to happen.

    SO PLEASE, talk with your best friend. Talk things over with someone else. Let him be on his own. He is an adult, he can figure things out on his own. If he "LOVES" you or as you said "coz im feeling things that i've never felt for any women in my life,i think im falling deeply in love with you,and that dangerouse for you"--hes saying that because he feels bad for what he did, and because of your age, he doesnt want to hurt you or get in trouble. He cares about you, but you really need to think about this----do you want to be with a man who PUSHES you to have sex (FOR ONE THING WITHOUT A CONDOM----MY GOODNESS thats a bad thing)?? Do you want to be with a man who is aggressive like that?

    Good luck, be strong.

    Tue 1, Nov 2011 at 3:38pm
  • User-anonymous AmandaLovesHiim Flag

    Thank You For The Advice & I Agree With What You Said About Me Going Out People Closer To My Age.

    Amanda x

    Tue 1, Nov 2011 at 4:30pm
  • Sun Skywalker Flag

    I dont why but everytime he touchs me i forget all my problems and feel lose, I Feel like he would protect me from all the bad things and i feel specail! Why? Why do i feel liike thiis for a man that nearly raped me? Isit love?


    For me, the above is a very telling part of your post, because it's about 'need', not love.

    At 16, this man is too old for you, but I think you know that already, however it can be flattering and exciting for a young female to be sought after by an older man, especially if they have certain needs, as I suspect you do.

    The needs that you have mentioned make you vulnerable to exploitation by older men.

    My advice is for you to talk through what you mention above, i.e. "all the bad things", etc, with someone trained to listen, and help with any questions you might want to explore.

    You can do this in complete confidence with a counsellor at relate - google will find their website.

    They won't try and tell you what to do, and you will be in complete control of how you want to explore things. Just talking things through may well be enough for you to get to grips with difficult issues or things that are a worry.

    Hope this helps, take care of yourself - Skywalker

    Mon 7, Nov 2011 at 11:38pm
  • User-anonymous AmandaLovesHiim Flag

    Thank You For The Advice..
    Me And Him Are Over Now,But Were Still 'Friends'...Im Starting To Forget Him,Which Is Good Sign (I Guess)

    Sun 13, Nov 2011 at 9:50am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    Although this behaviour isn't acceptable really, I don't think the age gap was a factor. I met my boyfriend who is 27 when I was 16 and we are still together and still perfectly happy, getting happier by the day:) We have future plans, holidays booked, we've just got back from New York. I think that it all depends on the people. To me he sounds a bit irresponsible for his age and maybe not someone you want to be seeing, being around your age I can relate and I don't think I would be happy being with someone who forced himself upon me like he did in your situation. I think it's wise to find someone else who is more suitable, although not necessarily someone younger as I think it can work if you like older men.

    Tue 20, Dec 2011 at 10:34am
  • User-anonymous MyRylieBug2011 Flag

    Girl, I know you love him, but what he did was just not cool. If you say stop, he should have, right then. It shouldn't take but once for you to say stop for him to stop but even if he didn't the first time and you said stop again he should have definitely stopped that time. If he cared about you he would have. No man that cares about you would force himself on you when you're not comfortable with it, period. You seem like you have a great head on those shoulders of yours and a huge heart, one that sometimes might out weigh how intelligent you are. I think you know deep down inside what you need to do. I don't think he has anything to do w/ the age difference or anything like that. Love has no number. And I don't doubt that he may love you, however, that situation should have never occured, and I know your parents taught you what he did to you was wrong. Whether you give him a second chance is up to you, I don't know the guy, therefore I cannot judge. You need to listen to your mind on this one. Like i said before, you seem to have a big heart, one that'll take you down a path your mind is telling you not to go down. In this situation you need to really consider what your mind is telling you. I think you already know what needs to be done, and it won't be easy, I know, I was in a relationship with a guy from 14-23, a very abusive relationship, and he was my first love and I would make excuse after excuse after excuse for why he'd hit me or why he'd verbally assault me. But it took a life changing event for me to finally say enough is enough. He was crushed under a 50,000 lb tour bus and survived, and luckily had no brain damage b/c of how he was under the bus and the brake drum caught the bus on the side his head was on so he was crushed from his chest down. In the hospital his parents (who are also very abusive towards their children and each other) made my life a living hell b/c i was his power of attorney. I made a promise to myself that if he ever laid another hand on me, I was gone. And sure enough, as he started to rehabilitate, and learn to walk again, he hit me, pushed me down and tried to walk on top of me w/ his walker ... and I kept that promise to myself. I packed up, and never looked back. Unfortunately, I've fallen back into a relationship that isn't as physically violent but more so verbally and emotionally abusive and i'm on the brink of leaving him now. You don't deserve that. No one does. If you do give him a second chance, which I wouldn't think bad of you for doing so, but if you do, promise yourself, and hold to that promise, that if he does anything like that again, you're done. Believe me, it's hard, but you'll be happy in the end and it'll all work out for the best. Good luck girl, I'm thinking about you and praying for you. Much love!

    Mon 16, Jan 2012 at 11:08am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    Sorry i didnt login for a long time, & just saw your comment now.... Thanks for the advice, & im sorry to hear the horrible things you went through..
    May God Look after you x

    Sun 15, Jul 2012 at 6:57pm