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Relationship advice with immature boyfriend

Posted by: cr45599n
Sun 10, Sep 2017 at 1:17pm
Housework, Making a Commitment, Bringing up Children Together, Mixed Families, Life transitions, Communications in relationships, A Psychologist's Perspective

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and 4 months. We have a one year old daughter together. We also live together. We each have a child from previous relationships. I have an 8 year old who lives with me and he has a 3.5 year old that he gets overnight visitation with. Over the last year I have been slowly building a lot of resentment towards my boyfriend because I feel like he isn't as great a father (or partner for that matter) to OUR daughter. Whenever his oldest daughter is around, he has always basically ignored our daughter and only focuses on his oldest. I get that he doesn't get to live with his and he wants to spend time with her, but it just isn't right that he totally disregards the existence of our shared child. She is little now and doesn't really understand but she is getting older and I do not want her to experience the out right favoritism he has. I basically do 95% of the work for our child. And when his daughter is around I basically then do 100%. I keep telling him he has two kids and must parent as such. I treat both my daughter's equally and take care of them both the same. He is always working so he is barely home with our youngest. My resentment keeps growing over the fact that he is constantly saying how he wants his oldest to live with him. That he wants custody. He is willing to do 100% of the work for his oldest BUT doesn't help ME with OUR child and expects me to do EVERYTHING for our baby. How is that even right??!! I refuse to have him live with me and all he will do is work and take care of his oldest while I take care of OUR child, my other daughter, cook, clean, do laundry, and run all the errands. He should be putting in 50% of the work for our baby and our home. He works but so do I. I work full time and still do everything. There are days he has off from work and the baby is at daycare. He is alone in the house and does NOTHING. Meanwhile when I'm home alone I do a million tasks. I feel like if he took more part in the home and OUR shared child that I would be more supportive about him getting more time with his oldest. But right now I just feel anger building in me. I feel like he doesn't treat our child as a priority and just doesn't care about her as much. He would go to the ends of the earth for his oldest and wants full or 50 50 custody in the future but I know for a fact that he would never persue the same for the child we share. He is just so lazy and when I tell him I don't think he can take on his oldest full time he gets offended and calls me names and says I'm negative when I'm just being honest. I refuse to live with someone who is only going to focus on work and taking care of his oldest while I take care of OUR child and do everything else. I just don't know what to do anymore. When he is home he does help once in the blue but it just isn't consistent cause he is lazy and immature. I have two kids and I just don't have the mental capacity right now to take on the work of his child too. I'm already on the brink of insanity with my two.

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