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Partner has fallen out of love with me

Posted by: Anonymous
Tue 10, Apr 2012 at 11:30pm
Sex/Intimacy and romance, Affairs and Jealousy

I was with my partner for 3 and a half years. We split up 3 weeks ago. Things weren't going well for a while and I could feel that we were going to break up but it just doesn't feel real at the moment and I'm still in shock.
We probably didn't get together in the best way...I was in a relationship at the time which fizzled out and then we met. There was instant chemistry.When we first got together things were great. We were in that honeymoon stage and it was exciting and had sex all the time.
I'm not sure if I had completely gotten over my ex but about a year later when my ex was dating other people I would get jealous and angry in front of my partner (which probably wasn't good for her self-esteem!). I think I still had feelings for my ex or thought I still had feelings for them which is when things started to turn bad.
I started to be really cold towards my partner and we split up twice which was my decision and then got back together. Last year I discovered that she had been emailing somebody else for 6 months who she had met on holiday when she went away with friends. Nothing physical happened but she had been emailing this person and saying that she had been dreaming about them etc. When I questioned her about it because I had a gut feeling something was going on she lied to my face. When I found the emails she admitted everything and was very upset and didn't want to lose me. I decided to stay with her.
Since then everything has gone downhill. I never really forgave her for what she did and brought it up when we had arguments. Towards the end we were arguing all the time because I think we both had issues with trust and I was getting jealous every time she talked to someone when we were out or anytime that she sent a text to someone. I became this crazy angry person that I didn't like. We also didn't have sex for ages and I kept mentioning that to her and she said she felt pressured because I kept on at her about it.
I knew something was up a while ago when we stopped having sex and we were basically just friends because there was no passion in the relationship anymore. We were out a few weeks ago, ended up having an argument and she said that she couldn't do this anymore.
When we spoke a week later she said that she still loved me but we would end up hating each other if we carried on. We stayed in contact and were sending texts to each other for two weeks. I was so confused over those two weeks because it didn't feel like we had split up. I finally decided that we needed to talk so I actually asked her how she felt. It turns out that she's not in love with me but really cares about me which I'm absolutely gutted about. I haven't spoken to her or had any contact for a week and it's been the longest week of my life. I'm giving her space and time to think in the hope that she'll change her mind but I know I shouldn't think like that.
We get on so well together and for me I still want her but it hurts that she doesn't feel the same. It's sad to think about what we had and the experiences we shared/places we went together. I can't imagine my life without her.
I know that I would change and things would be different but I'm worried that I've pushed her away too much and it's too late.Is it possible for someone to fall back in love? What should/can I do?

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  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    To answer your question the hardest thing in the world to do. Accept that it’s over and get on with your life.

    It hurts a lot and you think of everything but the good times always seam to out weigh the bad. Then you end you back together and everything’s the same all the bad comes flooding back and it all starts again.

    The hardest part of any brake up is the part a few months after when you feel you want to go back/ they want you back. But you split for a reason and that reason is still there.

    If you two are going to get back together it can only be after a complete brake. Most couples that get back together and stay together have been separate for year’s in-between. 9.5 out of 10 couples that get back together after a short brake split again eventually sometimes weeks sometimes years later but the relationship is never right and enjoyable in that time.

    It’s easy to think you would change but in reality changing your self is hard and takes a long time. Honestly do you really want to be in a relationship where you need to be different for it to work you should be able to be your self.

    It feels impossible but surround yourself with friends and family, do new things and hobbies just keep busy and try to accept its over.

    What happens after that will happen you may get back together you may find someone that you feel much stronger about look back and see it was fun and happy but it just wasn’t meant to be.

    Im going through something similar and haven’t managed to get over her yet but I think I will. I hope you get over it quicker than me wishing you luck.

    Wed 11, Apr 2012 at 11:19am
  • User-anonymous muso_29 Flag

    Thanks for your advice. It really helped :)

    Thu 12, Apr 2012 at 1:26pm
  • User-anonymous confused1234567 Flag

    Hiiya im going through the a woman and my boyfriend has fell outta love with me.due to my stress and depression. I know how horrible it feels. Hold your head up and high and smile. Its hard but in time youll slow soon get over it.

    Thu 12, Apr 2012 at 4:08pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    This has not happened to me yet but I feel like I'm on my way there. I have major trust issues with my boyfriend and the sex has more or less fizzled out. What you've said that really caught my attention was that your ex said "she couldn't do this anymore" which is currently ringing bells with me. My boyfriend says this almost every time we argue and then breaks up with me. I don't know how I manage to convince him to stay with me but I do, but I'm getting fed up with fighting for him when he wont do the same for me and that's the thing you need to keep in mind. You have to remember that she's been unfaithful DURING your relationship so you have every reason to suspect her actions. Obviously, the fact you are often jealous or suspicious of her is going to irritate her but she was the cause of it. She should've taken responsibility for her unfaithfulness and made it up to you by rebuilding your trust. Instead she left. I hate to say the words because they seem almost emotionless but it is genuinely "her loss". The right thing for her to do was accept her mistake and made amends but she didn't, she complained and left. You don't want a person who wont fight for you when you will for them. That's a one-sided unfair battle and that shows a sign of lack of respect.

    Wed 18, Apr 2012 at 10:25am