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My fiancé left his 4mnth daughter and I.

Posted by: Anonymous
Thu 1, Jun 2017 at 10:51pm
Life transitions, Communications in relationships

I'm sitting here and a week ago my fiancé got up and left. Last year I found a text which flashed up 'hey babe just in from school'. The girl was high school
Age. I found all different aliases and dating apps/chat apps on the phone but he took it and smashed it. He managed to get into my head and explain it was a misunderstanding. Two months later same thing only he had a second phone, the girls were of normal age but he still
Used fake names and profiles. Somehow, we got past this and I fell pregnant last year. When my daughter was four days old he had to admit that his mum never knew I was pregnant nor did she know we were together the whole three years. Add to this the amount of debt he got into behind my back and we have a situation. It came to a head last Tuesday, he left mid row, turned his phone off, never went to work and arrived the next morning to leave us. He left everything except he took a bag of hard drives which seemed important! He has now sought a solicitor for access and the whole situation is making me ill, to the point where I blame myself for all this. I don't want my baby dragged through courts or the legal system.
Not one call or text to see if baby is ok. I blame myself because yes after the second phone and denying his daughter I felt horrible resentment and it caused rows. It's been three years of lying and secrets and I should feel relieved but why don't I!?

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  • Cc jaybee (moderator) Flag

    It's been nearly a week since your post and I'm sorry that you've not had a reply from anyone so far. How are things now?
    It sounds like, when this first happened, you could see why your partner leaving was perhaps the right thing but on the other hand you also felt sad and sorry that he had gone, is that right?
    That seems very reasonable to me.
    If the separation is permanent then certainly the next step might be for you and he to come to some arrangement for your daughter to still have a relationship with her dad. It doesn't have to involve the court or even a lawyer. Have a look on our partner site- the Parent Connection -
    There's lots of articles and information on there about drawing up your own parenting plans, using mediation and other problem-solving ideas.
    Let us know how you get on.

    Wed 7, Jun 2017 at 3:15pm