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Long Distance Relationship Advice

Posted by: Anonymous
Sun 12, Mar 2017 at 10:26am
Finding Time for Each Other, Affairs and Jealousy, Communications in relationships

My partner and I have been together for 3 years and the relationship has drastically changed over the course of the past 9 months or so when she told me she had been talking to a coworker outside of work that was interested in her. She told me after the coworker allegedly tried to kiss her. Her story concerning what actually happened has shifted. For about two weeks before confiding in me she had grown detached and would rarely talk to me. I asked her repeatedly if she was talking to someone else, she denied it until she finally confessed to hanging out with her coworker and that her coworker tried to kiss her. She initially said it was just about getting high and relating to someone who had a similar childhood. While going to visit she got high and told me that she cared about the co-worker and I read texts between them that seemed to imply it was more than she said.
I left angrily and we didn't talk for about a month.

When we did start again she told me she was going to rehab and that her coworker didn't mean anything to her. I believed her because I wanted to believe her. We've been through a lot together and I genuinely saw her as being the person I could spend my life with.

After months of her still getting high randomly, not doing rehab and her randomly disappearing at odd hours, I'm not sure I see that future anymore.

I've tried talking things out with her but things haven't really changed. She makes an effort to come see me but is constantly busy or preoccupied otherwise and it's gotten to the point where she only contacts me on the go or right before she goes to bed. She's rarely present in our conversations and when I try to tell her this and all she does is say that's she's trying. I constantly feel like I'm being needy and it's kind of a gross and somewhat maddening feeling on top of dealing with insecurity.

I know her family is dysfunctional to say the least and she's had to move back into the center of the dysfunction. She swears that all of her time is preoccupied with family drama or work.

I don't know what to do anymore. Ive tried giving her the benefit of the doubt and I've tried asking point blank if there is anyone else. She insists there isn't. I'm not sure how to move forward and if it would just be healthier for both of us to just step away from the relationship.

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  • User-anonymous Jazz375 Flag

    You don't say how "long" the distance is, but it is always difficult maintaining a relationship if you don't share your life together on a daily basis. I can empathise with your situation, but I'm afraid I can't tell you what to do. Only you can decide if the relationship as it is, is worth the pain it is obviously causing you. From what you say, it doesn't sound like your partner is as committed to the relationship as you are. (What was the rehab for, by the way?). When it comes down to it, if you feel this is the person you want to spend your life with, you have to be living together to have any chance of forming a stable and mutually satisfying relationship.

    Tue 21, Mar 2017 at 5:04pm