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In love with my best friend, but he has a girlfriend. What should I do?

Posted by: CarolineW
Mon 13, Nov 2017 at 10:04pm
Sex/Intimacy and romance, Communications in relationships, Sex and Affairs
Relationship,love,best friend,confused,desire,problem,help

Hi guys!

I'm in a situation and I just have absolutely no idea what to do!

My best friend Tom and I have known each other since high school (just over 12 years now), and have been super close ever since. When we met, I was dating one of his best mates but when we broke up Tom and I continued to constantly hang out. We have both been moving around the world separately during the last few years, but every time we finally get to meet again and catch up it feels like the world stops (sorry for the cheesiness!). He is one of the very few people I feel like I can relax with and he means the world to me. He is the first person I want to tell things to when something happens, and the person I want to hang out with the most. Almost every time we hang out, we always end up sleeping together (not having sex, nor making out), just lying there holding each other in our underwear. I always figured we just had a very close friendship, but lately, I've realised that I've always felt more.

Since high school, my friends have told me that Tom has had a crush on me but I never took it seriously as I thought they were just messing with me. But during the last few years, I feel like he has hinted it but has never actually clearly said anything to me about it. For example, taking care of me when I'm sick, telling me I'm the best person in the world, wanting to hold me a lot, tells me I'm beautiful, his favourite person etc.

For the last two years he has been dating a girl, let's call her Anna, but every time I ask about her or her name comes up he has just been telling me that its nothing serious, that he's not interested in her and that he wants to end it. Then he always asks me if I'm seeing anyone, and every guy I date is never good enough. "You deserve better". But as him and Anna now live together (she's moved from Poland to Norway for him), I really feel like he's been lying to me about his feelings for her. Especially since he calls me when he's drunk, saying that he only wants to sleep with me and that he thinks him and I should spend more time together. Things have escalated a lot lately.

The more time goes by, the more I realise that I feel more for him than I've ever felt for any of my exes (all long-term relationships), and I can't imagine a life without him in it. I think about him constantly, and as we now live in the same city again all I want to do is see him. His girlfriend doesn't let that happen much and we mostly just see each other when with mutual friends (don't blame her, I think she might notice that I like him even if I try to hide it) and I really want to tell him to get it off my chest even though it terrifies me, but I don't know if that is the right thing to do.

His girlfriend is super nice, and I feel it would be mean to tell Tom how I feel as this may ruin Annas relationship with him. But at the same time, if both me and Tom have been walking around for the last 12 years secretly wanting to be together I feel like I want to give that a chance!

Really don't know what to do! Any tips? I need your help!


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  • User-anonymous . Flag

    Tell him how you feel!

    Sun 19, Nov 2017 at 11:03am
  • User-anonymous kamilla Flag

    You need to tell him. Don't keep it bottled up. Maybe he's waiting for you to say it??

    Wed 22, Nov 2017 at 10:38pm