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Growing together

Posted by: Anonymous
Wed 19, Apr 2017 at 11:24am
Money, Work, Housework, Finding Time for Each Other, Getting on Better with my Partner, Making a Commitment, Bringing up Children Together, Word from the street, Life transitions, Communications in relationships, A Psychologist's Perspective

I'm a 26 year old female with a 3 year old daughter. I have been with a man that I love very much for 1.5 years now. We got engaged in December and have lived together for pretty much the entire relationship. He's great with my daughter and my daughter loves him very much. For the first time in my history, my family actually likes him and I love his family. I love this man. He is the most honey, loyal, sensitive, passionate and all around knight in shinning armor, BUT he's not the wisest. We see life very differently. He doesn't worry about money, the future and he pretty much lives in the present. I live for tomorrow. I'm a go getter. I'm always working, always doing something and this has strained our relationship. When we started dating I had just started my photography business, aside from my 9-5. It was slow at first so I didn't dedicate as much time to it. My business has moved up a lot and it requires much more of my time, not only to currently manage it but also to educate myself on how to make it even bigger so that within a 2 year time frame I can quit my 9-5 and work for myself. He absolutely hates that I work so much and feels like I don't spend enough time with him and he doesn't see why I commit so much time. I picked up a copy of The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey and I'm really motivated. I want us to be successful in life and start working hard now so we're not working hard at age 60 barely getting by like a lot of other Americans. I discussed this with him and it turned into a huge argument. He thinks that all I do is worry and stress about money. I got the feeling that he feels sorry because he can't provide me with all that I want, but he doesn't understand that I don't want him to give me shit but his support and alliance. He doesn't want to combine our financials and that sort of holds me back. I want us to do this as a team not you handle your and I handle mine. I don't know what to say or do. I feel like we are just so different when it comes to our thinking. How can two people with different mindsets get married and make it last? We love each other and cherish one another but when it comes to making decisions we just can't agree. He feels like we always do what I say and his ideas get passed on. Yes, some ideas I've completed disregarded but that's because they weren't smart moves. If I can do the research and proof from someone else's mistake that it's not a smart move why make the same mistake when we can just learn from that other persons mistake!? I would love some advice. My heart is torn. My mind is telling me that we just can't work together in the long run but my heart says otherwise.

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