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girlfriend keeps breaking up with me

Posted by: Anonymous
Wed 31, May 2017 at 1:39pm
Getting on Better with my Partner, Communications in relationships, A Psychologist's Perspective

well this may be long.
I have been dating this girl for the past 8 months, from the beginning i felt very different about her and felt great being with her, things were going great. Shes had a bad past with her ex of a few years so with that I have been understanding and keeping calm whenever she fights. From what i could feel I could feel she loved me alot and saw me as her future husband.
However we did have a few arguements which got resolved in an hour or so, basically it was about me being busy while she was on her periods one time, or a comment on girls pictures months before we met, she would usually speak of break up but then be fine. two months into it and one day she tells me she does not want to be in a relationship, does not feel the way she did for her ex, does not want to kiss or make out even though she would be the one who initiates sexting all the time. I tried to explain things to her because at that time she was away in another country for 2 months, but it did contradict everything she told me before she went away.The next day she was back talking like nothing ever happened. 2 weeks later she did the same but apologized and came around a few hours later, i tried my best to talk to her about it and to not worry I am here to help you out of your past. A few days later she saw me like food pictures uploaded by a girl and went on blasting me telling me how i broke her and that we are over and can't be together and blocked me of, only to be back a few hours later.
few weeks later she started with she does not want to be in a relationship pretty much the same stuff she did before and i told her i cannot force you to stay. She was back the next day like nothing ever happened. But did not speak much till she was back where she said she does not want to date since i am not a gentleman and did not treat her how a princess should be and neither did i get her a gift for her birthday even thoough i was in a financial crisis, she further went on to say that a gentleman wont reveal his crisis and will arrange money to take his girl out and get her a gift, she ended it again and said we will be friends, i said ok. The next day she was back again that she misses me and continued with it for a week wanting to know who i was meeting till she got angry that i have not come to meet her since she was back in the country.
We planned out a long drive and things were going good till she started crying about her ex in my car saying she cant move on and can never and then a few minutes later shes going on about how amazing i am and thank you for being with me.
Then again another fight and then back again a few hours later, in all these fights she has been pretty abusive and if i tell her what i do not like she goes on that i am complaining about her and putting the attention on me. This went on few times and one time i was late by five minutes due to traffic and she went on abusing me till she saw my car where she started smiling.
Recently again she did the break up thing and everything from what she said her replies etc are the same like the previous times, if i do try to explain she will say lets be mature, lets think about this practically, lets not make a big deal of this, its simple. followed by i love talking to you you are precious.
many times when she would fight she would keep telling me that she will go date other guys who will show her what a princess should be treated like.
I have not texted her back or initiated any conversation post the recent break up.
Please advice me what to do further or should i be there to help her out.

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  • Cc jaybee (moderator) Flag

    After reading your story I felt a bit relieved that you'd decided on a break from this relationship. I know that abuse in relationships is often blamed on men but what you're describing seems to confirm that women are capable of this as well - in the form of emotional abuse. It does sound like you've been with a person who has difficulty understanding or showing concern for your needs and feelings. now you've had time to think about it, how confident are you that things could change? If that doesn't seem very likely, you may want to move on?

    Wed 7, Jun 2017 at 3:06pm
  • User-anonymous nickandre21 Flag

    well i am not sure if she would change, I have tried my best to talk to her with reasoning of why she should put her fears to rest and why she should convey me to anything in a nicer civilized way but it only turns to that im complaining and diverting the attention to me.
    Besides that shes blamed me for all of her problems, including when her ex morphed her photos. her sister doubted that it could be me and when i got upset she asked me to understand that its her sister and she reads articles.
    All this always makes me feel guilty for things i have never done, or even if i choose to go out with my dad for a while, or get stuck up somewhere with no network and get on me for not informing her, or taking one of her 30 missed calls when i am busy.
    During our last conversation she stated i am precious to her and wants to be friends, i replied in the negative and she pleaded and said atleast till we move on. I questioned her if i am precious to you why would you constantly abuse you, she went on to say. Its normal to get angry and i have always apologized, when a person forgives someone they do not bring it up again and again. Weirdly she will always bring up the time when i just liked a girls photo, or my ex contacted me or when i did not get her a gift.
    Im done with all this I want to move on from this but i end up at times feeling guilty and wanting to text her or have restless sleep.

    Wed 7, Jun 2017 at 3:47pm
  • User-anonymous nickandre21 Flag

    just to add, she did not tell me of the morphed picture till we made out and as soon as i dropped her back home she told me of it. The next day when the cops told me that she should file the complaint not you she got on me saying its over and that i freed myself. and when i tried to distance myself for an hour to avoid getting angry and saying something, she stated i used her, that i got her body like other men and have changed and have no concer for her and that im a terrible person. I guess when i play all this up in my head with the thoughts of getting over her it starts making me feel guilty rather than angry, im clueless. I would like some advice from folks that have been in this kinda relationship.

    Wed 7, Jun 2017 at 3:52pm