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Found my boyfriend wanking

Posted by: Anonymous
Mon 8, Dec 2008 at 10:18pm
Affairs and Jealousy

Help - I don;t know what to do.  I just found my boyfriend wanking over a girl online.  He was using his webcam and it eas obvious they were both at it.

Please help, I feel so betrayed and don;t know what to do.


  This was of help to 50% of people  


  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    Hi Julie, That must have been a huge shock! You need to try to talk about this with your boyfriend - I guess he knows you saw him? Find out if he knew her in real life, if he was paying for it, etc. Almost all men masturbate, so try not to worry too much - if he didn't know her in the real world, for him it was probably not very different from watching a video of it.
    Maybe you need to talk about what is and is not acceptable in your relationship - I'd be very hurt like you are and I'd ask my boyfriend not to do it again, but you need to find your own solution,
    Good luck,

    Tue 9, Dec 2008 at 10:14am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    why can't girls just accept that all guys do this!

    Sat 3, Jan 2009 at 8:28pm
  • Eyes_068 loobyloo Flag

    Oh please, so if you found your partner masterbating with someone of the opposite sex on a web cam you would be totally happy with it would you?  Its just as bad as cheating, just because the other person isn't actually in the same room, its still doing a sexual act with someone else.  The line has to be drawn somewhere.

    Sat 3, Jan 2009 at 9:12pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    no way is that acceptable its got to think just cause there men they can get away with anything an eveerything.

    Sun 4, Jan 2009 at 4:51pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    It's quite normal, I wouldn't read too much into it.  Talk to him about it.  Maybe he was feeling a liitle frustrated.  If you don't talk you won't find out if there is a real issue there. So talk, I know its embarrassing.

    Wed 28, Jan 2009 at 8:47pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag


    Mon 23, Feb 2009 at 7:46pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    Honestly if it was me and I'm male and in a long term relationship I wouldn't be doing it to betray your trust, I wouldn't want you to find out because generally I think men and women view porn very differently.
    To us I think it's nothing more than a wank. An easy way of relieving a days stresses and entirely meaningless. Live shows are a prefference of some, just like fetish or boob size or any other form of porn.
    I honestly wouldn't be too worried. I wouldn't say it's anything to do with the way you look or satisfy him in any way.
    He is as most men are. A wanker!

    Wed 11, Mar 2009 at 9:37pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    I'm not a wanker actually. I just like wanking

    Wed 18, Mar 2009 at 4:29am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    i was away for a month and found out my boyfriend was on the webcam with other females that would masturbate on the cam for him. he knows some of them in real life. he also denies that he masturbated to it, of course i wasnt there so i dont know. The problem now is that since came back, he doesn't cum during sex anymore. I don't know what to do and i think he cheated, but i dont want to leave him without evidence. i know he cheated on all his past girlfriends, but he denies that he would do it to me. Even though i found messages of him telling a girl to come over and how he wanted to do her, what do i do?

    Thu 19, Mar 2009 at 6:52am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    Coming from a bloke - your bf is being a complete asshole. Wanking over a girl he knows online is definitely cheating in my view, and if he has asked a girl to come over and said he want to do her while you're away, how can you trust him?
    Makes me angry when so many guys excuse other men's bad behaviour just by saying, "we're blokes, it doesn't mean anything". Bullshit.

    Fri 20, Mar 2009 at 12:45am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    I agree with the last comment, he's completely crossed the line, I think a webcam is bad enough but with someone he knows, it becomes too personal!
    On a similar theme, went out for a looong leisure lunch with the girls on saturday, got home, boyfriend went to bed & I fell asleep on the coach. Woke up a few hours later & went to bed. He tried it on, I was too tired & said so. A few minutes later he went to the  toilet & then into the front room instead of back to bed. I waited a few minutes & walked quietly into the room & he had a free sky 'porn' channel on sky & I swear he had his hand down his pants but it ws so quick, I'm not too sure now. If he wasn't he has certainly admitted he was about to have a wank.
    I'm furious & hurt. I feel it's sleazy, I masturbate occassionaly (when he's not at home). I'm open minded & don't expect that he'll never wank again but I find it sinister that he 'crept' off for a wank while I was in another room. He doesn't seem to get that!
    Now if he goes to bed before me or I want to go to bed, I want to make sure i'm in the same room, other people can't trust their partners when their out of sight, but will I be able to trust him again at home?
    I was a lap dancer & worked on chat lines, so like to think i'm open minded, I'm open to porn if it's used a couple, but I don't like him watching porn in what I feel is a sneeky way. Am I over-reacting?

    Tue 31, Mar 2009 at 10:13pm
  • User-anonymous DaveAngel Flag

    Part of this comment has been deleted as it contravened para 3.1.6 of the Terms and Conditions of use of the site.
    MEANINGLESS is the perfect personality descriptor here here in my opinion...What the heck? How blatant can the justifications get? Loser...
    Personally if I was going out with someone that low and skanky, I would be asking myself- 'how did I get here and what is this low-life doing in my house?" Dont you agree?
    I wouldnt take it personal at all, not one bit, as I threw their skanky gear out on the street...I mean really, there is the carpets to consider...

    Wed 1, Apr 2009 at 5:46am
  • User-anonymous DaveAngel Flag

    ...look, if I have to go down the local internet cafe and everyone is 'doin it live' because it is not really sexual or anything... I am not gonna be happy ok?... 

    Wed 1, Apr 2009 at 6:01am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    its onlly in his head most men wank and think of some girl

    Tue 21, Apr 2009 at 1:54pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    get it into your head that he doesnt find you attractive (although you probably have a great personality) and needs something a bit more aesthetically pleasing to get him off? once you can overcome that your relationship should be back on track.
    hope this helps

    Thu 23, Apr 2009 at 12:44pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    Ignore the person above - he/she is just trying to be controversial.

    Thu 23, Apr 2009 at 1:42pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    hmm. really im not too sure. it depends on the extent. in my opinion, a man has the right to wank over who he likes, since he has been doing it for ages he may not see it as meaning as much. other men may see differently. the fact is, if hes wanking over an someone in his head, he is not cheating. but the whole webcam thing is too far

    Sun 3, May 2009 at 1:10am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    my comment would be, if your boyfriend had asked you to masturbate him because he was horny at the time, would you have said yes? - I'm not making excuses for men, but some of us seem to be wired differently to you girls.
     My wife isn't that fond of sex - she finds it quite painful and she would rather masturbate me for a couple of minutes until i orgasm, than have me lay in bed and do it next to her.. and she certainly wouldn't be keen on masturbating over porn -or over a webcamming girl!
    I should add that I'm very highly sexed.. and my wife relieves me two or three times a week. yes I know, I'm very lucky!!

    Fri 15, May 2009 at 12:38pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    (Comment deleted by a member of the TIOT as abusive, contravening para 3.1.6 of the Terms and Conditions of use of the site.)

    Fri 22, May 2009 at 12:05am
  • User-anonymous melonstar Flag

    This post has raised some issues in my head. I have always found it difficult to deal with the fact that most men like to look at porn on the internet or on videos but really, I don't understand how modern men say 'well its just cos we are men and we have needs' - I mean how did men cope for years and years in the past without it? Also if I was going onto dating websites and chatting to men online, even using the webcam, he wouldn't like that! At what point does it become unfaithfulness? It's alright saying 'its just a picture' 'its not real' but every pic or video is a real woman! For me being live makes a big difference, it's like phone sex with pictures and the real-time reacting to each other of the webcam means it is a consensual sexual act with another person, regardless of where that person is. But then I wam left wondering what is my line? Are videos ok? Are pictures ok? Why is it that men need this visual stimulation to wank off? As a woman I touch myself when I feel the need, its not like I have to spend an hour online with strange men telling me I am sexy and that they want to be with me so I can get horny! I don't understand why guys are so precious about it! If my man is horny I want him to call me or come to me to have his needs met. I think men use porn like this simply because it is there and it turns them on to feel rebellious. The trouble is that it affects the way their ladies feel in ways they cant really understand and in that way I think it is a dangerous modern phenomenon. Just my thoughts! xxx

    Thu 29, Oct 2009 at 2:35pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    I think this is getting out of hand.  Like most things in life, how you view this is very much a personal thing.  Yes, men do masterbate...women masterbate...but this is not about that.  This is about respect and acceptable behaviour when you are in a relationship.  And that is different for all of us...however, I will say that what is acceptable behaviour when you are single, is not always acceptable when you are in a relationship...the rules change and, if you are serious about your partner, you understand and respect this.
    When you think about what you saw, what was it that offended you most?  Was it that you were caught off-guard? Was it the act itself?  Was it circumstances around it? i.e. porn online.  Whatever it is, you won't get anywhere guessing and second-guessing...decide where you stand on this for you, then simply talk to him...ask him how he feels about it, tell him how you feel about it and come to an agreement on it...there is no other way around it, it's time to talk.   
    Good luck x

    Thu 29, Oct 2009 at 3:16pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    I had an experience like this, and simple and gf and I broke up over it. I always told her I liked teasing, the act of of someone desiring you but it has to be with someone you don't find attractive and aren't emotionally connected to. I had done this "teasing act" before and talked to her about it, told her how I liked it and how I'd like it if she did it. Flash forward a few months and I was completely loaded and went on webcam with a girl that fit the criteria. No, I didn't wank it. I changed in front of her. I had no attraction to her, and no emotional connection. I did know her, we chatted a couple times a year on msn and had hung out with mutual friends 7 yrs ago. She was very insignificant to me, hence the reason I did it. While doing it though, I stopped myself when I came to the realization that my gf probably wouldn't be comfortable with this. Later on though, I felt kinda guilty about it and figured I should tell my gf about it. It didn't blow over well at all. In her eyes, what I did meant that sure it was "teasing" now but eventually it would turn into me being drunk and screwing around. This simply wasn't true, I had been really drunk around girls and not done anything with them and I had never developed and emotional or physical connection with another girl. This is what is so frustrating about it.It's like less significant than grinding with a member of the opposite sex.
    Now if your guy is mutually masterbating with a girl he knows online. I could see that as an act of cheating. But what I did, simply wasn't cheating and I never had the intention to ever actually cheat on her.
    I guess my advice is. Find someone that can accept you sexuality. And if you're not actually getting physically or emotionally involved with someone else. Don't even bother telling your bf or gf. It will just raise up pointless insecurities.

    Thu 24, Dec 2009 at 7:56pm
  • User-anonymous DaveAngel Flag

    DONT EXPECT TO GET DECENT ADVICE THAT ANSWERS YOUR QUESTION FROM PORN ADDICTS! That is like going to a alcoholic and asking how to get off the bottle, or the crack dealer for the same advice.
    Watching porn while married or in a relationship is mental and emotional cheating (same as fantasising about others while having sex). If they jerk off then it is physical.
    If they are using a webcam and getting off with another girl/guy online, then that is physical even though it is voyeuristic. Dont allow yourslef to be fooled.
    That is justifying behaviour which erodes your dignity and self respect and opens u to worse abuses.
    Ppl- u have to wake up now and see how u are being betrayed, abused, lied to, or worse, addicted and delusional if u r a user in a relationship.
    IThere many issues which will be generated form the misery porn causes, familial, relationship, social, moral...
    It is time to draw clear lines and boundaries ASAP if u r going to remain sane.

    Fri 25, Dec 2009 at 2:29pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    I was with my boyfriend for 5 years. I actually met him on a CHAT site (not a sex site). I didn't have any plans to meet him, but he kept on so much and lived 70 miles away so I ended up agreeing.There has been so much go on, I cannot stop this from turning into an essay, so sorry.
    We met about a month after chatting online, we then would book hotels to see each other every 2-4 weeks (and chat online/phone in between)... we couldn't stay over at each others because we both lived with our parents. He was 34, I was 19 (he'd recently split up from a 5 year relationship so had to move back in with his parents).We had sex, got intimate etc etc. After about a year he got offered a job abroad, he took it and I was guttered. But he asked if we could still 'be together'. I agreed, because I didn't want to let go. He went and we'd only send the odd email at first until he got internet at home. Eventually he got internet and we'd chat online, but he was very distant never would show much interest. He'd fly back about once a month to see his parents and we'd stay in a hotel for the night, and ya know...
    This went on for about 18 months. Until eventually he wanted me to move in with him over there. I went and we were there for 5 months, our sex life died, I have no idea, he just wasn't interested. We had to come back 5 months later due to money issues. So we had to move back in with our parents.
    Basically 2 years on, he dumped me (not the first time) over the phone. No real reasons why. I did some research the other night... I found his photo/profile (with the exact same username he used when he met me, had all his date of birth even his postcode. Said he likes blowjobs, on webcam all the time and possible face to face meet). My heart sank, I confronted him online and he denied it! saying someone took his photo and made it up. He was lying, the profile is gone now so he obviously deleted it.
    He admitted to talkting to women/girls for upto 7 months into our relationship. But deep down I now know he did it all the way through our 5 year relationship. He used to 'cam' me at first and it's obvious he was doing it behind my back with other women too.I am guttered, I feel sick. It is wrong to cam up women sexually on the internet it is cheating. If a man does that and his partner finds out she will be hurt. If you want to mess around and 'have fun' remain single, that way NO ONE gets hurt! 5 years wasted on a pervert basically.

    Tue 26, Jan 2010 at 3:28pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous8 Flag

    I've come to the conclusion that a wank is harmless. As long as it doesn't involve another girl in the screen that will end a relationship. However, I have a question to ask to get from both male/female perspectives. I'm currently married and are in the early stages. I found him this morning having a wank or getting into it for better words in another room. Let me add I myself enjoy sex and all related anytime. My husband tells me he's always really attracted to me and even gets hard when I'm beside him in bed if I do or say something whilst him looking at me. We have pretty amazing love life, so that's why it seems odd.
    This off guard act I found this morning really hurt me at first. He did this in the bathroom one night, when i rolled over asleep being up for it but too tired on the odd occasion. I understand how it was just that a wank - but realsied I felt to blame "not good enough" and I found it disgusting that (shortly after i woke up and wonder where he was) to find him there, and he told me. With me the only thing I expect is honesty/respect.
    Yet this morning I asked why didn't you wake me up for it - and he said that'd be rude and if we did it takes more time, rather a wank is done in a few. Then i said well Id rather blow you and get involved then you secretly do that, cause I want it too! However, last time he said if it offends you that much I won't do it. I tried to make him understand by saying that remember when you said its either the real deal or nothing  -when i jokingly mentioned me with a  dildo. I said imagine if you saw me with it having a cracker and that first thought. he felt pretty guilty today, like he screwed things up again. But I feel like i have to question trust over something silly. I also said this type of thing makes me ask if I'm good enough or attractive - is my body ok. I thought it may of been porn on when i caught him but it seemed as though it was a t.v show, once i settled. He said he's never felt so embaresssed. 
    So should I be concerned at all with anything? 

    Thu 28, Jan 2010 at 4:58pm
  • User-anonymous xxxxxx Flag

    Well for all you wankers out there, you know who you are, sneaking to the webcam while the little lady is asleep, doing it online with women that are yonger and prettier than your wife, thinking what you do is normal and all ok, you all disquist me, My X=guy does it all the time, i saw his revolting webcam tonight and I want to be sick, he does it so much he needs physio on his right shoulder it nearly fell off,I wish it did, we don't have sex because I am not an 18 year old sex kitten,he cannot even bear to look at me, he never opens his eyes, i want to put a bag over my head and I am an attractive fit couger,  he has had onlinefantasies with young women for so long, he cannot look me in the eye, and can;t pleasure me any longer,the thing dosnt get hard with me, he dosn't want me, he wants them. The reason I put up with him is because he has turned into a roomate, we have separate bedrooms, and share meals together, that is it, and this has progressed over meaningless online crap, oh and you should hear him sweet talk, he wants to marry them all, how ever does he keep track of all his lies>? A true pervert, I feel so ugly and unwanted cause he never touches me,and when I do, I cringe.. I let myself go for a year and now I am at the gym, empowering myself and when I get all my self integrity back, I am going to leave his sorry ass, for making feel like a worthless piece of nothing, used and abused yeah guys, it's just harmless - give me a break -
    feel free to comment

    Sat 6, Feb 2010 at 10:04am
  • User-anonymous xxxxxx Flag

    I hope Dave Angel *above* comes back on board, to comment and share his experiences, scuse the typos, I am writing in the dark.

    Sat 6, Feb 2010 at 10:08am
  • User-anonymous annonomous Flag

    hi i am currently going through a rough stage and dont really no what to do i calt my partner wanking in the front room while i was to bed naked he gave me a kiss before he was going to work and then sat in the front room for a while and i came in becus i thought it was well quite in here and i needed my phone for an alarm and then i wanked in he jumped out his skin, and couldnt really turn telly off quick enough i saw he was watching (name of channel removed against T&C) t.v ( woman bobbing her ass up and down on a phone) i know it dont sound like a lot it ripped my heart out though becus i never falt he would look else where u no at another woman and i certainly never falt he would do it wile i was awake in other room and naked aswell i mean i said to him get out and go work and i called him all names under sun i didnt know how to react i was going to leave and instead i decided to stay and confront him when he got home he thought i was going to leave him he told me that was all he was thinking about in work!!although i never did im starting to think should i have because i just cant trust him now keep checking up on him and wats worse is he can get access to that channel everyday when im not around and im well paranoid when i go a work and everything and have been blaming myself for a long time now was bot 3 months ago since calt him!! i mean dont get me wrong i understand wankings natural that especially when single i just dont understand why he went looking while hes with me and it aint like he could have been frustrated because we were at it quite regular,keep putting meself down and thinking its way i look i dnt know whether to love him or hate him for it ya know hopeing someone cud help me see what hell am ment to feel and do????

    Fri 16, Apr 2010 at 6:29pm
  • User-anonymous ANON01 Flag

    I'd like to say first that I've been using this site for a while now and it's a place for people to share experiences and support each other. Those people who write mean and judgemental things shouldn't be on here and those who are seeking advice should pay no attention to any message which they take to be in any way offensive or upsetting.
    This is such a difficult subject and each of us has our own opinions and experiences of it, what I think is important is to know your own boundaries and what's acceptable to you. I'm female, have an amazing boyfriend who I've been with for two years, we don't live together, I watch porn sometimes and masturbate as does my boyfriend. To me this is in no way cheating, we have also watched porn together too. This does not make me a porn addict, as one comment suggested. In some ways I think I'm more like a man than a woman, and I'm not excusing anyone's behaviour when I say this, but I think for men needing a wank is like having an itch that needs to be scratched. When I pleasure myself it's completely different to how I feel when I'm with my boyfriend, it's a simple physical release whereas with my boyfriend it's with emotion and love. Watching porn doesn't actually mean I find my boyfriend any less attractive, to be honest I would never want to actually be with anyone I've seen in porn, it's just a fantasy and we all have fantasies! We're not made of concrete, we're human, being with someone doesn't mean that you're never going to find anyone else attractive or that you'll never need to wank, what matters is the action that each of us takes.
    Going back to Julie's original post, if I'd have walked in on my boyfriend wanking with a girl on a webcam I would have been very upset. For me it's completely different to watching porn, having someone there in real time who you can see and can see you, and even worse if it's someone they know, is taking it a step too far. In fact thinking about it my biggest issue would be someone else looking at or interacting with my boyfriend. I don't mind if he watches porn, I wouldn't even mind if he went to a strip club because I know that he loves me, he might fancy other people but he loves who I am and no one else could change that. But the idea of someone watching him wanking does really bother me.
    For all of those people seeking advice I'd say just be true to what you feel comfortable with. If your partner wanking bothers you ask that he only do it when you're out of the house (because come on girls, they're never going to stop it!). If watching porn or using webcams upsets you talk to him about it, make your boundaries clear and if he isn't willing to compromise with you then maybe the relationship isn't right for you. Any lady who feels that they're partner is looking for a younger/prettier/skinnier model should consider that his actions might not be a direct indication or how he feels about you. Having said that if you feel it is you should find someone who worships every bit of you, wobbly or not!
    Good luck in working out your own opinions and boundaries, I don't know if my words will help anyone but I do hope that those who have problems in their relationships caused by these issues can work them out. xxx

    Wed 21, Apr 2010 at 12:41pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    Hi Six months ago I found my husband view & chating with other cam users, asking for CAM fun.  We got over hat one and he promised not to do it again. 
    This week I found he was using Skype to chat live to one 39 year old saying he couldn't wait for me to go out, and other really personal things.  This has been going on since Dec last year - 6 months.  He said things like he wants to Cum for her and calling her Sexy and can't wait to hear from her again as he misses her.
    Feel heat broken.....
    I love him and wouldn't consider cheating on him. Sorry I feel me life with him is worth nothing all the bad things we have gone through & he does this to me.
    What should I do?

    Sat 12, Jun 2010 at 7:16am
  • User-anonymous guitarist2010 Flag

    hi im 14 :) and im very sexually active but im not a slut if thats wat u thinking , i watch my boyfriend wank all the time and he watches me ,a couple of months ago i banned him from porn and he has respected that and left it alone and i trust that he has! , but there was this incident that happened where he found photos of my friends and random hot chick off the internet and wanked over them , i felt my heart crushed but i love him and im not going to leave him , we have been together 2yrs :) , i dont know what to do about this situation and he is always starting random arguements and sometimes accusing me of cheating cause i used to hang out with a guy , help on how to help our realtionship?

    Sun 20, Jun 2010 at 3:51pm
  • Eyes_068 loobyloo Flag

    Your 14! you shouldnt even be having a sexual relationship yet, in England its against the law to be having sex at your age.  Whats wrong with the world that a child is on this site talking about masterbation.  I am not naive and I know that girls are more active nowadays but it just saddens me that your childhood ended prematurely.
    I have 4 daughters, the oldest is 15 and I know the most that shes got up to is a kiss and probably a bit of fumbling.  I hope that I have installed enough selfworth in her to wait until shes at least legal.  I managed to wait til I was 17.

    Mon 21, Jun 2010 at 9:30am
  • User-anonymous sexyanne Flag

     Have been we my man for almost 13 years,13 years on 3rd of october of this year!
    Been we him since i was 14 risked everything to be we him,wasted almost 13 years of my life we him trying to get him to come around and be ready to commit and settle down we me and get married and have a couple of kids.
    After 12 years he don't want me anymore and seemed like he never has,he said he don't want another woman ever again he says he hates women he only loves them to wank over which really hurts and affends me.
    Hes been wanking while hes been we me for the last 12 years,and gave it up cause he loved me so i thought anyway,and i was willing to give him sex all the time but he said he can't be arsed and would rather wank instead.
    and said he wishes he was single so he can wank all the time and they cheaper hes got that right the dirty cheapo sluts and he said they dont give him hassle like real women do.
    He never wanks over me,and when we have sex we only do it for 15 mins so he can save himself for them,he nevers looks at me and is always perving on other women,and when i confront him he calls me a cunt and a dickhead i mean you dont treat your girlfriend like that,and calls me jealous and paranoid.
    He has been wanking recently and i told him to stop it,and he said no he said if he wants to wank he will do he said hes over 18 and will do what he wants and dont care what i say and if i dont like it he said you know where to go,and he says its not hurting me cause it isnt hurting him.

    Tue 31, Aug 2010 at 7:09am
  • User-anonymous thomasperraz Flag

    Everybody loves to chat, especially with girls who are more bubbly or flirty but it is not always an serious issue that you feel that someone cheating on you.

    Thu 30, Sep 2010 at 9:14am
  • User-anonymous laccy Flag

    I am having a hard time accepting that my BF is jacking ovv on cam to a stranger on cam I feel and know that he gets enough sex with me we do different things and that he doesnt need to do this.  I can not see why someone would pay for sites like webcam sex and write and put how much you want to ---- them and it isnt real. Why would some one do this if they have a real actual warm body next to them that is willing and able to try different things I have discussed this with him and he claims he doesnt show himself on cam but I know different. Any suggestions on how to handle this

    Sat 30, Oct 2010 at 1:29pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    I have been with my boyfriend for just over a year now and we are comfortable discussing such issues with eachother. However, not quite comfortable enough to tell him that it would hurt my feelings very deeply if i ever found out that he'd wanked over porn.
    My view is that when it comes to wanking, it's only ok to do so over your partner. It is very unlikely that most men would respect and obide by this i know, but that's what i expect of my boyfriend. So if i ever found out he crossed that line, that would be the end of us.
    I know i have very strong and possibly over the top views on the matter but i really can't help it. The thought of him getting pleasure through visualising sexual images/motions with another woman is very very hurtful to me, and that's just the way i am, i can't help feeling so sensitively about it, although i wish i could help it so i didn't feel paranoid that he's going behind my back and betraying me.

    Tue 14, Dec 2010 at 12:49am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    Hi, I have been with my boyfriend for 10 months now. We have the most amazing sex life, I never say no, even if i'm tired because if he wants it, I'll give it.
    2 days ago I broke into his email account (i know the password) and I only did this because his behaviour with me changed. I live in Manchester, he lives in London. I spend a lot of time with him in London and go back to Manchester to see friends and family every couple of weeks. Usually when I'm in Manchester he calls me and asks me to go on cam. This week he didn't, infact, he stopped calling me as much as usual, which made me get suspicious.
    When I logged into his email, i found that he had been on 'livejasmin' a sexcam site where you allow girls to see you and you to see girls masturbating. It is real girls, real life and interactive. I like porn, i know he has porn accounts, i know he loves porn. It doesn't bother me. I do not however like the 'interactive' sex camming thing he is doing now. Is it a form of cheating? should i leave him?
    I confronted him about it and he said 'it has nothing to do with me....' does it?
    thanks xxxxxx

    Fri 17, Dec 2010 at 10:36am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    Of course it has something to do with you and you need to talk about it together.  As to whether it's cheating, that is up to you to decide - some couples might regard it as just another sort of porn, but others find it personal enough to be like an affair.
    It sounds as if what has hurt you the most is his keeping it secret and saying it has nothing to do with you.  What would you have said if he'd told you about it, like the other porn?  He needs at the very least to understand that, as his partner, you expect him to be open with you about his 'interests' and 'relationships'.

    Sun 19, Dec 2010 at 12:19pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    i haven't known a man yet who looks at porn cams online that won't cheat on his girlfriend or wife if given the chance.that goes the same for the females that i've known that show themsleves on cam//.any man who has a girlfriend or wife and is wanking off behind her back in front of his webcam on  any of  these cam sites is not a monogamous minded person!!! and furthermore a man like this  has an obsession with sex!! if i caught my girlfriend showing herself on cam that would be the end of our relationship!! and i also have that same kind of devotion to her! it makes me sick when people give excuses like"since you're not doing somethingin person  with someone you're not cheating"...actually you are!!you're mind shouldn't be in another woman's pants if you have a girlfriend or wife..and the same goes for women regarding their husbands.,they're sexual interests should be in their man..not other men./

    Mon 20, Dec 2010 at 12:00pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    btw,let me add that this excuse to video cheat has only come up since the internet and webcams have come into merely gives people who have the mind to cheat an excuse to cheat..period.but on the other hand--to the posters here that have a problem with  a 14 year old girl masturbating...this is normal..she's not having sex .there's quite a difference.most people of both genders at 14 and 15 are masturbating at least once in a while if not  on a daily basis/.and them watching a man wank isn't exactly  defined as a sexual relationship.i admire the fact that she's merely watching and not gone any further than that/.sure i could say "omg youre naughty" but that's not true and what good would it do?" i'd rather the girl watch and be watched than actually do the real's a hell of alot safer and she can't get pregnant

    Mon 20, Dec 2010 at 12:15pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    If he were just wanking to porn or a picture, that'd be one thing. He'd just be relieving himself and keeping himself from going crazy with sexual desire. The webcam thing is too creepy, though; that brings about a whole new element of live interaction and personal relationship (however frivolous it may be) into the picture that brings it far closer to cheating. At that point, he might as well be getting a prostitute. So yes, it's totally natural for you to be disturbed--and in my opinion, it's justified. Try talking to him about it, and hopefully reach some sort of consensus.

    Mon 20, Dec 2010 at 7:36pm
  • User-anonymous TheGirl Flag

    I can't believe the idiotic "god, all men do it" comments you have been faced with. Yes all men and a lot of women masturbate, to stories, or porn films, or pictures downloaded or found on websites of people they don't communicate with. Not to someone they presumable have on their msn/met on a a sex site/whatever.
    This IS cheating in my book. Only you can find out the extent and decide whether or not to forgive.

    Mon 27, Dec 2010 at 10:21pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    I am so happy i went onto this website as my partner told me to type in whether it was normal for guys to wank over girls online because i completly disagree with him . Basically, My partner and I have recently broke up because i noticed he kept deleting his history on his laptop and always wondered why but never asked. i had no idea he was the type of person to look at porn and its the least thing i expected when i found out why he had been deleting history. but as bad as it sounds i wanted to put my mind at rest, to see what else he could be doing that he doesnt want me to see so much so i downloaded a software that enables you to see deleted history and found over 6 porn websites, with free cams, free chat, free live sex ! and you dont even need to sign up to the thing!! its called tnaflix. i was so shocked as its the last thing i thought i would see and god knows if hes been talking with these girls! i approached him on the subject and at first he thought i was being stupid because 'every guy wanks over other women' apparently! but i wouldnt care if every other guy did. its about the reason he did more than anything else, and what gets to me most is that we have sex pretty much every night. and we've been together for a year now and ive only just found out about this. i really do think is wrong for men to be physically touching themselves and getting aroused by another body, another women. and it really has stopped to make me think that now when he sees girls in the street half naked he could be picturing anything with them. its left me insecure, and made me feel like im not good enough. though he's always said to me that things are amazing in that sector, he still went elsewhere! i just dont understand what goes through a mans head! i mean we all know as women that if we were to ever look at porn and be aroused by another man that whoever we were with would end the relationship right there and then, so why is it okay for men to get away with it because they have testostrone? its not. now i have strong feelings for my partner and he cried for the first time when i found out which proves that he is sorry and he wont stop telling me how wrong it was of him even though orginally he was fighting his case and even asked his brother on the matter who laughed at me for even thinking of breaking up with him over it, but i just dont know if i will ever be able to face doing anything sexual with him again. not knowing that he could be picturing these other women whilst we're making love. and on top of that he's always been a bit strange in that sector, like he would always want really visual possitions and would never cuddle of kiss me or make me feel loved at all. just sex. yet we've been together so long so that really bothers me, and makes me realise even more now that ive caught him on porn. im so upset. i never wanted a man like that. i just dont know how im going to cope and whether its worth it. because i honestly believe that if a guy can watch naked girls online touching themselves they may aswell be in the room with them, and cheat. because to me it really does feel like cheating. what do you guys think?     

    Wed 19, Jan 2011 at 2:30am
  • User-anonymous furgus Flag

    WOW. just WOW.... You are all ... Most of you are SO wrong, yeah I'm a guy, but I'm about as feminine as you get without signing up solely for playing catch penis... I have friends who are men, and friends who are women, so PLEASE don't throw the addiction to porn thing at me... half of you sound like my mother! When I was 16 she thought because it said so on the news that the youth did drunks, I MUST be addicted to Crack or Smoking weed out my bedroom window 24/7.
    Porn is porn, men watch it, some women watch it, clearly none of you. If you are embarrased by it, or your man is too embarresed to talk to you about it, from the off, then talking about it now is too late. All that will happen is you will tell him you don't like it, and he will nod and say ok, and do it when you are asleep.
    Understand he wanks... if he is older than 16 he probably wanks... maybe younger (what is disgusting but so long as they don't show people I don't really care), why should he chance because of you?
    It means absolutly nothing, and the only thing about this whole situation that could make him think of you as not good enough or being ugly, is your reaction.  Men wank a lot more than any of you could keep up with, it is not a sign of an unhealthy sex life, or lack of desire for you and your bodies, it is a sign he has an erection that needs dealing with...
    If you had been the kind of people to see porn as a normal part of life you would have found this out from talking to your ex's or current men and probably wouldn't be shocked.
    As for webcam.. I do understand how this is more of a grey area, I can see how it looks, but its not cheating, it is a bit far, voyeuistic behavior is kinda pervy, so get mad if it makes you feel insecure, call him and arse, TELL him to stop because it hurts you. Chances are if he says he did it,  he will be ok with it, and if he denies it, just say fine, for future reference don't do it.
    BUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, don't end it because of this... if he is doing it it means nothing, if he is doing it in a rough patch... it is a rough patch and he is bored and horny.
    There are only 3 exceptions to this, if he won't have sex with you, as in you are in a rough patch because he shows no interest in you, or, if he is planning on meeting these women, or he continually does this after you tell him not to time after time...
    As for plain porn... dumping a guy because he watches porn will lead to either never being in a relationship with a normal sexually developed man, or being in a relationship where you just do not find out because he deletes internet history.
    K rant over, enjoy your lives, I know I cannot spell so feel free to tell me my points null and invalid because I am clearly unintelligent but for the record I did the international baccaleaurete and got 40 points plus 2 core points, Check that out on google if you wanna see if that is good :)
    And I fully expect you to ignore me but maybe one woman won't...

    Wed 30, Mar 2011 at 9:36pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    i have just found my parnter wanking to porn over the internet. he only moved in 3 weeks ago!! Im quite open mindeed and prone to wank mytself occasionaly but weve only been together 5 months and im sitting down stairs in a black negligie waiting for him to finish work!!! Work my arse!! Im sooo upset and instaed of talking to me he has resulted in text messaging ...i sent him a text at work today to tell him how horny i was and now i feel he would rather look at porn than have sex with me

    Mon 4, Apr 2011 at 10:37pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    some of you people are effing's cheating,period,plain  and simple.some of you must be in open relationships and that in itself is sick..if i caught my girlfriend showing herself to a man on webcam  i'd drop her in a new york minute!!! why?? cause ANYONE who is claiming to be loyal to you  that turns out to be flashing or wanking on cam isn't to be trusted!!!! period!!!! yes that person will cheat on a 1 on 1 given the right  circumstances./ it's called being addicted to sex.this absurd casual attitude of wanking on cam is sex addiction..period..and it's not healthy.of course perverts wouldn't see it as being that this girl that caught her guy wankingon cam,either insist he seeks therapy or break up with him...period!

    Tue 5, Apr 2011 at 12:25am
  • Eyes_068 loobyloo Flag

    Being female I dont see a problem in my boyfriend wanking over a porn vid or pictures.  I watch it from time to time and have a wank myself as I find it a turn on.  Sometimes we even watch it together and we have a good session afterwards.
    I dont see it as sick and I certainly dont see it as cheating on each other.  We dont have an open relationship either, we are very much exclusively into each other and I would cut is balls off if he ever did cheat on me and I am sure he would be the same with me if I ever cheated on him.
    I totally agree with Furgus on this matter.  If the porn is getting in the way of having a normal healthy sex life then yes I think that there is a problem which need to be addressed, other than that just accept it as normal behaviour.

    Tue 5, Apr 2011 at 8:15am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    I know this post is old, but I assume people will still search this online for advise. As a Male I think girlfriends should understand that the majority of men wank, we cannot help it the majority of the time; and therefore you should be understandable if you ever see or find out he is wanking (it doesn't mean you're not good enough!). However, I 110% agree if you find out he is wanking with somebody else over webcam then something is up, and that isn't acceptable!

    Thu 12, May 2011 at 7:40pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag


    Tue 17, May 2011 at 3:53am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    now i was always a person that would be hurt fi find my partner wanking but if its a case of a raging boner and me wantinbg to just sleep then thats fine, i even got him a toy to use as i felt sorry that at night he felt the need and i did not as he would have a boner on a nightly basis. just 2 weeks after having my second baby my memory came flooding back to me, all those times wanking, were they all over me or was there another woman on his mind? my mind racing into the past things didnt make sence, things worried me. i rembered he kept talking about this slapper caprice that he worked with, caprice this, caprice that. i asked if he fancied her, he replied no many times but couldnt help himself talking about her. and this was alo around the same time that he was wanking alot, andf iv cought him before doing it when i wake up in the middle of the night. and doing the washing i notice the spunky boxers and i ask but he says over you. but after alot of quizzing and interrigating he admited in, and further more quizzing he dont it more that once, wanked ofer this very cheap looking total bitch with peroxide hair, no cladd at all. he begged me for a child, i got pregnant, put on weight, he starts wanking over a better looking model compared to me, i guess im no longer attracktive, im just a fat whale. he said he wished he was with her, wanted to try it on with her but the only reason he didnt is because he didnt want to be rejected. fantacised over her at work, while i was sick as a dog with a bucket next to the beg puking he was having a great time, checkin out her ass thinking ill tap that and thinking of her all day at home. now i dropped everything to be with him, i lost my friends, all said he was bad news bur stil i picked him, i gave him the benafit of the doubt. i was pregnant, getting fatter, very self and body consious, in bed puking, giving him the child he wanted. all the time he was going to work, thinking of her, probably thinking of her during our sex. going off for wanks with her, with the toy that i bought him as i felt guilty that me beibg pregnant and always sick ment i wouldnt be giving him as much sex, and he used it for her, memories for her. he walkjed home wishing he tried it on with her after he said a moment he felt something was going to happen between them along in the office late in the evening. shouyld i stay with him? this is 100% cheating and the only reason he didnt physically fuck her was because he didnt want to try it on and be rejected otherwise he would have without a second thought. im extremeley hurt and totaly truamatised over this, everyday i over eat, i always think of it. i put my heart on the line, gave up my friends in the whole world, my body, a child, iv done masses of sacrafices for this guy and i feel totaly betrayed. i dont trust him if hes in the loo for more than 1min. the mental damage this is causing me is putting me through so much pain. and stil i try my best to please him, he gets the best of evrything and i go without. i tried a fast extreme way to loose weight in the hope that he would find me attractive, a fast, drinking only water but i broke the fast too quickly and have suffered with gallbladder disease as a result and now awaiting gallbladder removal. do i need the strength to move on or the strength to leave him. my mental health is in tatters and im a mess inside as this betrayl has taken its toll on me. my heart is completely crushed and iv become very bitter, i want to be happy but this mental truama has twisted and consumed he inside and i cannot get past this. i gave everything up for this guy. if i loose him i also loose my only friend aswell im in turmoil. im crushed that i offered my heart to him and he done this to me. and she wasnt even fit, she was a slapper with bleached hair that walked like she had a stick up her fat ass. and then after the baby came, he tried to get a job working alongside her again. you would think that he wouldnt have because of the guilt, but not him he had no shame

    Tue 17, May 2011 at 4:25am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag


    Mon 6, Jun 2011 at 10:23am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    Been with my bf for 10 years,found out that hes been wanking behind my back (not literally) for that time.Obviously would expect him to when our sex life has changed due to me having children.What gets me though is the fact that i found evidence of what he'd been doing and he denied it,then he came clean and told me he'd been doing it for the past 10 years when i wasn't around and that he thinks about me when doing it.I'm finding it really hard to believe him now because of him lying in the first place WHAT ELSE HAS HE DONE BEHIND MY BACK!As on a sat he's home by himself all day and on some occasions i've come home and theres paper covering the web cam (which in my mind means its covered because he's up to something and is worried its going to switch on or someone else is worried)When asked why is there paper/tissue on cam he says he was claening it and anoher time he said he doesent know how it got there.(cam is on top of telly for skype to family)Im feeling hurt and upset by what i've found out and i know what im feeling may seem stupid to some but trust is everything.Please some advice and what you think.

    Tue 7, Jun 2011 at 10:34am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    i would get a giant dildo and shove it up my ass. i am a girl after all. :)

    Sat 11, Jun 2011 at 4:22pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    well there is only one way to see if hes on cam wanking to other slappers, go on ebay and buy a hidden camera, put it somewhere, record then go out and keep doin tht till u catch him out!

    Tue 5, Jul 2011 at 8:48am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    Comment deleted as not in English

    Sun 7, Aug 2011 at 7:25pm
  • User-anonymous chatsohbetim Flag

    will explain all the facts of your sweetie to chat mutual benmopinion, the best of an honest partnership. I would talk to my boyfriend I'd immediately.

    Thu 18, Aug 2011 at 12:56pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    Dont give him the time or the day sweetie. Once you forgive him, he will try it again....again....and again, just cause he knows he can get away with it. Toss him like a hot potatoe :)
    Good Luck hunn

    Tue 23, Aug 2011 at 11:06pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    Comment deleted as contravenes para 3.1.6 of the terms and conditions of use of the site.

    Thu 25, Aug 2011 at 6:31pm
  • User-anonymous relationships_advice Flag

    Wow shocker, Anyway talk to your boyfriend first, find out why he was doing that. You may be able to do something about it or you may be part of the reason so just talk to him and make him feel that he can be honest with you

    Thu 17, Nov 2011 at 1:01pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    This is such a sensitive topic. My partner has lied to me several times about watching girls on webcam and about porn sites. It's the webcam that is most upsetting. Recently I discovered that he lied about deleting all his messenger contacts. they were all still there and he used to webcam with many of them. I am extremely hurt. I feel too old for petty jealousy but when someone lies to you even when they have been caught it damages the trust in a relationship. The offence may be forgiven but lies are a whole different kettle of fish. :(

    Sat 7, Jan 2012 at 3:55am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    I just confronted my bf on this 2 days ago.. you know, this is just sad.. he was doing the webcam thing, and pay over 160 dollars a month to this livejasmin website, when we was telling me that we was trying to save money to finally start our future together, at first he denied it, but I checked his bank account and there was the many bills under then he said it was just porn, the same thing like going to a stripclub, and that it was not cheating.. I lost it!! livejasmin is not just porn.. you're actualy paying a women for her services and there is face to face interaction, going to stripclubs at least for me, is not an acceptable activity while on a committed relationship, and IT IS CHEATING in every sense (he lied and broke my freakin hearth)!!! plus I thought our sex life was great, I consider myself a very attractive woman, I pleased him in everyway, he love me, I loved him (now i don't know anymore), and when I asked "why did you do it? wasn't I good enough for you?" he just broke into tears, like never before, he spent a day crying his eyes out, so bad, I broke up with him, he was shattered, and later we talked, he felt really bad about it, finally he saw that he cheated, he apologize, and I forgive him, but I can't help to feel awkward, he left me insecure of myself, been feeling so ugly today, bitter, confused, is hard to overcome this, don't know if is going to be the same, he has to win my trust again, can't been able to say I love him since then.. I'll write later about how it went..

    Wed 1, Feb 2012 at 6:39am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    yeah, just a heads up here: if you're already in deep shit (meaning you're busted, caught with evidence, etc) the least thing you can do is act like a man and don't lie about it, have some respect for your partner, don't insult her intelligence about this, and try to fix it! guys, i know there's a lot of jerks out there, but real gentlemen wouldn't support bussiness that only degrade women, you can do so much better than that.. and trust me, treating women with respect is going to give you a lot of dates.. because that's what we want.

    Wed 1, Feb 2012 at 6:50am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    I am a girl who spent about 3 weeks 'camming' with strangers online! I just want to point out, that there is such a thing as sexual fantasy, but the reason many ppl do it online is because they would not want to do it in real life. My episode happened when I found out my boyfriend's ex went join him on holiday (they have a small child together)! I was so devastated, we get on so well and had a fantastic sex-life. I got to know from her that they didn't have sex, but the emotional betrayal and being lied to left me in bits. I had had sex over skype with him once when he first went away, and it was amazing, actually the first time I was able to 'come' without real sex. So the next day when I discovered she had gone on holiday with him I was still feeling really horny. I wanted to get back at him. I was so angry and hurt. But the last thing I wanted to do was just sleep with someone… I have never been into casual sex, never had a one night stand, really love to be in a faithful relationship, and know I would feel awful if I allowed a man to physically take advantage of my body. But in the heat of the moment I created a fake username, went on 'skypeme' mode and was immediately flooded with contact requests from horny men around the world. I went naked and masturbated for them, and I never came so much in my life… I went through about 20 virtual men and no sleep in about 3 days… the other 2.5 weeks were spent trying to quit the strange new habit.
    My problem now is that although I ended the relationship with him (he is still away), we continue to be in contact by email and I would like to get back together with him on his return. I know he hasn't slept with his ex. Now I don't know whether I should own up to what I did? It is in my nature to be honest, but would any man be able to handle it and most importantly, is there anyone out there that actually understands that going online was a way to NOT have real sex? I would like to be truthful, but I am afraid he will assume that means at any moment I will do it in real life, and that is practically impossible for me! Somehow being online and me being the only one to touch myself made me feel safe. I would appreciate honest feedback; I am still in shock about what I did.

    Sat 4, Feb 2012 at 2:14am