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Posted by: Anonymous
Thu 8, Dec 2011 at 2:31pm
Sex/Intimacy and romance, Making a Commitment

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 and a half years, we are both only 20 so started dating when we were 16. 10 days before we got together my boyfriend broke up with me and we had been together a year. Therefore I have been in a relationship for 5 and a half years. I am in my last year at university. He broke up with me a week ago because he thought we were going down different paths then the next day called up apologising saying he wants me back. We talked about our relationship and we got back together. we have had what i would call an immature relationship, we are serious but have never spoke about 'adult' things like moving in together etc. I then found out 6 days later he had been lying about something for quite a while. I was so angry but he said he would make it up to me. I thought our relationship is worth this chance but now i feel like its not the same. he came up to suprise me last weekend and it felt different compared to usual. i have been in a relationship for a long time i would like to be single for a while but we had such a good relationship which i think we might be able to get back. so many people want a relationship like we have, we hardly ever argue and get on so well but i feel like i need some space. i dont know what to do. it doesnt feel the same after he broke my trust so close to after we got back together. it is hard for me to know what to do because i only see him every 2 weeks because of uni. we are 2 very different people which is why we think it has worked so far but have we outgrown each other? i dont know what to do or think.

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  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    You say your relationship is 'immature', you would like to be 'single for a while', you 'need some space'. I think you need to trust these feelings. Finding out more about yourself and broadening your range of experiences will help you to answer these questions. And it does not necessarily mean that your current relationship is gone for ever. From my work, I know many couples who have broken up for as much as two years and then got back together with a much deeper undertanding of themselves, their partners and their relationship (and of course many other couples who have found that mature relationship with somebody different too).

    I can really feel how hard it is to give up the security of that existing relationship. But it has also been a bit of a cage, perhaps preventing you from experiencing a lot of the stuff that teenagers and students do. How awful it would be if you ended up, years doown the line, thinking of it as a cage more than a secure place. How much better to make a mature choice about the relationship you want than stay with the immature relationship that may grow up with time(how?) because you're frightened.

    But perhaps I'm overstating this a bit.........

    Sun 11, Dec 2011 at 1:08pm