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Breadcrumbs or excuses to talk to me..

Posted by: Anonymous
Mon 2, Jan 2017 at 3:55pm
Sex/Intimacy and romance, Affairs and Jealousy, Life transitions, Communications in relationships, A Psychologist's Perspective, Living Apart Together

My ex and I dated for 2 years and then we had 1 year of that on and off confusing relationship.I told my ex I did not want to talk or see him because I got tired of the games and being disrespected. I was very angry at the time and harsh. So I wrote him a more civil letter saying I'm letting go. And if the time is right he can come find me. I thought the letter was really nice and I felt like I could finally move forward. And I felt really good not talking to him and realized I like being alone and not being this sad and different person before I made this step. I see him the next day ( we live in the same neighborhood). Since I didn't want to be rude I say hi and we had a short conversation. That was the last time I saw him. Then a couple days later he texts me this picture of me and this guy that I did a photoshoot with. He asked me my option of the picture since the way I presented myself looked in spirits even to him and I stupidly texted back and we got in a arguement. I said some things I didn't mean so I thought he would just leave me alone now. Then exactly a week later he texts me says he sells mj and to text him if I needed any. And texts me again when he was all out. He's been instituted ontact with me. Then something really serious happened with me and the law. I know if there are any hardships I should get used to not coming to him. But i felt at my lowest point at the moment and I called him anyway telling him what happened. I know I shouldn't of. He couldn't talk long because he was busy but at the end f the convo. He said he would talk to me later and I said goodbye. Is he giving me breadcrumbs? And yes I know it was bad for me to break no contact but I'm gonna keep moving forward. Why would he continue to contact me after I said all that stuff?

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  • Cc admin Flag

    Hi there. First of all, well done on taking such positive steps to end a relationship that was making you unhappy. That's not always easy to do, but it sounds like you felt so much happier without your ex.

    As for your question... people tend to keep making contact as long as they're getting a response. Each time you respond to your ex's messages, it let's him know that it's worth contacting you again in future. Perhaps if you were to be clear that you don't want to be contacted - and then stop responding - you might be able to regain that sense of freedom and happiness you had when the relationship first ended.

    Fri 6, Jan 2017 at 10:34am