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Bf no longer wants sex or intimacy, is there something wrong with me?

Posted by: Anonymous
Wed 5, Apr 2017 at 5:31pm
Sex/Intimacy and romance

I'm 23 and my boyfriend is 26. We've been together for five years, and we used to have sex pretty frequently, but now we only do once every few months. And even when we do it doesn't feel like the same passion is there, it's more like he's just doing it because I want to. I feel horrible for wanting it more than he does, and each time I try to initiate it he says he doesn't feel like it or doesn't feel sexy, hasn't showered that day yet or shaved or something along those lines. And I don't want to make him feel like he has to or feel guilty for not wanting to be in the mood. But I can't help feeling like there's something wrong with me, like I'm just not attractive to him anymore or he's bored of me or wants someone else. I wonder if it's because sometimes in the past when we've had sex I've asked to try new or different things and he didn't want to, and once it even put him out of the mood right away and we stopped.

We are still very much in love and still affectionate, but I want more intimacy and passion. I miss feeling as close to him as I did during sex. Even if we didn't have sex I'd like to at least be more physically intimate, like cuddling naked or more passionate kissing or something like that. The most we ever kiss now is just little pecks. But I've asked before if we could shower together which we've done once but he never wants to and I feel like he doesn't want anything that intimate so I'm afraid to ask for anything else.

I just feel really sad and alone and everything surrounding sex just causes guilt and depression and I don't know what to do.

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  • Cc jaybee (moderator) Flag

    This is clearly very upsetting for you. What I'm not sure about, reading what you've written, is how much you and you're partner have talked to each other about this? I get the feeling you're trying to guess why he seems to be avoiding getting really close with each other.
    Also, it sounds like you're prepared to get close in other ways - ways that he might be more comfortable with, at least for the time being. Have you suggested this?

    Sun 9, Apr 2017 at 1:09pm