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Am i wrong to feel this way?

Posted by: Anonymous
Tue 25, Apr 2017 at 11:39pm
Life transitions, Communications in relationships

Okay, my boyfriend and I are both going through a divorce. We both have a 3yr old child with our ex's. The only difference is,.. I ended my marriage due to not being happy and his ex ended their 10 yr marriage due to,....whatever reason. I get along with my ex, what can is say? We are much better friends then a couple. I get along with his girlfriend and I am super happy about that.
My boyfriend and I met through mutual friends and we haven't been together long when I found out I was pregnant. Yes, fault,..I should've been extra careful. It was a couple of days after finding out and telling him that his ex drunk texts him telling him she missed their family and she still lives him,etc.. All the while laying in the bed next to her boyfriend that is asleep.the boyfriend she moved in not even a week after ending their marriage. I told him that that decision was his to make. To not make the decision based off of me being pregnant.I even told him,etc didn't have to know. When he told me he didn't know where I stood.I willingly packed up what I had there and left. He texted me telling me that she ruined his trust and there was no way he could go back to that. Now,.. Here's where it gets annoying.
He has a kid with her. I totally understand that. Just like with my ex,.. I talk to him about our child,our divorce agreements, and if he has problems and he needs someone to talk to,..I'm here for him.but nothing past that. I don't talk about my feelings towards him.I don't reminisce on our time together.
She has called me names, judged me,and assumed things about me when she has never met me. She has never talked to me. I sent her a very nice message telling her I would like to get along for the sake of my boyfriend,even joking about her calling me names. And she told him she didn't want to write me back because she was afraid she'd go off on me.
Now,..he has to lie to her about when I'm around,..etc. When I question him.he says it's because she is still adjusting.

How in the world is she still adjusting when she made the decision to end their marriage,move a guy into the house a week after she ended their relationship. She didn't care about his feelings when she moved the guy into his home and was toting him around to hold at dinners,knowing he was going to be there. So why can't she handle knowing that he's moved on?
I have asked him multiple times if he's sure he wants this relationship and he keeps telling me yes. But I just don't understand why he is shielding our relationship from her when she didn't give a damn about his feelings but he wants to stay with me.
Any advice?

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  • Cc jaybee (moderator) Flag

    I think your story is an example of how things can get very tricky when people move quickly between relationships and there's still a lot of 'unfinished business'. Also, what may seem to be the case on the surface - that your partner's ex seemed happy to start a new relationship very quickly- is not always a guide to who feels the greatest sense of loss or ambivalence about the relationship ending. His ex may not need to know anything about you to know that she hates you for apparently getting what she may still be missing - i.e. his love and attention.
    It seems to me that their relationship may be 'over' but they haven't completely 'finished' with each other - which of course, especially after 10 years of marriage, can be a lengthy process. He may not want to get back with her, but he may still want to avoid her anger.

    Sun 30, Apr 2017 at 2:08pm