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Am I just wasting my time. Should I break my own heart by leaving before he break mine

Posted by: Anonymous
Sat 6, May 2017 at 9:00pm
Sex/Intimacy and romance, Affairs and Jealousy, Getting on Better with my Partner, Making a Commitment, Communications in relationships, A Psychologist's Perspective, Sex and Affairs
trust issues,resentment,sexting,looking at other women,should I leave him

Hi all,
So where to start. Unexpected relationship both of us have our issues mainly caused by family. We met through shared accommodation and got together. Due to a housemate feud I wanted to move out, he wanted to move with me. I thought possibly too soon and wasn't attached at that stage. If I'm honest in hindsight I noticed that he liked to show off. He's not a popular guy but seemed to be looking at other women.he's extremely handsome though. I'm sharp so this really annoyed me but amazing boyfriend caring and attentive and always telling me that I was his world. Introduced him to a work colleague and her fiance and again noticed his attention on her. Nothing big but body language moving towards her know when someone fancies someone don't you. Had a few arguments where I tend to overreact and threatened to leave. He'd start crying and finally I realised the damage I was doing by threatening. Told him I loved him but something didn't feel right. I checked his phone and he had blatantly messaged a girl in facebook flirty and sent her a picture of her wen she visited him before we met. Since then its been hell in my head. I never thought he would cheat on me. He broke down cried and went to counciling where the woman was for some reason mainly on his side asking was I jealous type?? I knew there was something wrong at the beginning of the relationship and was proven right where is the logic. Anyway he said he is all better better able to communicate changed etc. However I am not better. Initially when I called him out on the message he said that he missed sexting from counciling no mention of this. So i did everything in my power to have us a better sex life but that was a no go as nothing wrong apparently. He now expects me to be okay. I cannot trust him anymore I went through turmoil and feel that as soon as the opportunity comes up then he'll be off. Further to this I have checked his computer, I make no apologies it's my life I need to know if he's wasting it. I've found that he's got dirty pics from an old girl he's never met and messages telling her he loves her ..all before we got together. How can you love someone you never met. I've also seen porn live cam which he said are pop ups. The problem is with me is that I thought nothing was wrong before he was affectionate loving and always confirmed i was his world. He's always been and is attentive. How the heck am I going to know now if he's doing anything behind my back. I'll never get the trust back again. I don't know if I can ever trust him again. Everything is so uncertain. I give him everything I look after him he's always had affection maybe too much but he's lack of confidence and ability to deal with situations probably due to his family issues make him weak and this I feel will ultimately always make him turn his head. Should I just leave now. Was I stupid to stay in the first place as once trust has gone it's truly gone. My feelings have been from extreme attachment to resentment. There are further problems outside of this at the moment but this post is long enough. We have done all the talking and listening we can do. Its me that doesn't know what's true anymore. Thank you for listening.

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  • User-anonymous original poster Flag

    Forgot to mention now been together two years . Yes we moved in together. The computer messages and personal issues were to explain his character. I love him very much and cannot imagine my life without him but I've never wanted to be with someone who looked at other women. I would never cheat on him wouldn't dream of it. I'm so up and down its an emotional rollercoaster. I'll probably push him away at this rate anyway. Ita been almost 9months since I found the message.

    Sat 6, May 2017 at 9:13pm
  • Cc jaybee (moderator) Flag

    I hope it's helped to get things off your chest. Sounds like you already realise that you may need to try and get over what's happened if you're gonna stay with this guy, otherwise you run the risk of poisoning what you clearly feel is a good relationship.
    Sounds like he got some help from seeing a counsellor. Would you think about something like that for yourself?

    Mon 8, May 2017 at 10:43am