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My Partner doesn't want to have sex any more - help!

Tags: sexless relationships, surviving without sex, sex, initimacy, initiating sex
Featured in Microsite: Men's microsite

On forum we see lots of posts about sex, or lack of it. Lots of you worry that your partner doesn’t fancy you anymore because they never initiate sex. The big question is often, ‘Why?’

It’s normal to worry that you’ve become too used to each other. But when you feel your partner no longer makes an effort it can become a vicious cycle; you stop trying because you think they have. So what should you do? It’s a common problem, but being in a long-term relationship doesn’t have to kill off the excitement in your sex life. Research shows its normal for sex to decline, but that doesn’t have to mean you give up trying.

And while relationships, where there is no sex at all can breakdown, what makes this more likely, is indifference to the situation. So take comfort in the fact that you’re worried about it; if you care, you’re more likely to make positive changes.

It's true, lots of couples do “survive” without sex, claiming that “sex isn’t what matters in long term relationship and it isn’t the most important thing”. And while these relationships may last, the couples still miss out. Sexual intimacy is one of the most important things that binds us together. It makes us feel attractive and loved, emotionally closer to each other and relieves stress in our busy lives.

Remember there are lots of reasons why your partner might not want sex anymore and it may just be temporary.

  • Tiredness from work or looking after kids.
  • Boredom from routine sex, it is all too familiar, or your partner’s body doesn’t excite you anymore.
  • Confidence (one or both of you mind) gaining weight, emotional problems between the two of you, unresolved differences in attitude toward sex, depression or a medical condition or a past affair.

But whatever the reason, sex is a really delicate issue. Remember you need to be kind to yourself and your partner when discussing it, but keep in mind that indifference will never help the situation. Here are some things that might…

  • Make an effort every now and then and you may find you can rekindle the passion.
  • Getting in shape and feeling good about your looks will always help confidence, and self confidence is good for your sex life.
  • Romantic nights in or out, getting dressed up and some nice food and wine. Make an effort like you used to.
  • Try new things in bed together. Even if it feels weird at first, try and surprise your partner, and don’t lose your sense of humour.
  • Don’t force yourself. Sex is not an obligation, and if you’re too tired or just don’t feel like it, it’s better to wait another day.

When you get used to each other, sex inevitably becomes less spontaneous and scheduled sex can feel unromantic. But it can be extremely arousing. So why not suggest sex to your partner every now and then and tell them you’d like some physical affection?

Resentment and thoughts like, ‘My partner doesn't love or fancy me anymore’ won’t help. It’s hard, but try not to let the fears that arise when your partner doesn’t initiate sex affect your relationship; they’ll only put more pressure on the situation, which can be an instant passion killer.

Above all, have fun and make an effort…just like you used to.

If you liked this article you may find some of our other articles about sex and intimacy useful

  This was of help to 94% of people  


  • User-anonymous Empty Flag

    It seems I have come to the right place; our love-life went from great to nearly non-existent in no time. The past 14 years have consisted of my practically begging for sex - now just "quickies" with no passion - and feeling guilty about it. I feel like a cross between a dirty old man and a whiny child. I am dead last on her list, down below watching TV and sewing. Once, when I expressed the deep desire for us to do something together, she merely said: "We're in the same house together," as if that should be enough. I get a peck on the cheek in the morning, and that has to hold me for the rest of the day. At bedtime, she stays up much later than I do, so there's no chance for anything. I wonder where the romance and passion went. I know we're not kids anymore, but I am starving for some kind of affection, and I don't know what to do about it.

    Tue 2, Aug 2016 at 9:05pm
  • User-anonymous Ineedhelp Flag

    I'm 19, and my boyfriend is 22. We have almost been together for 2 years now. At first sex was great. But now he barely wants to have sex. If we do, it's usually a scheduled thing. I'm honestly feeling like he's no longer attracted to me anymore. We don't live together and sometimes see each other. I'm the one that always wants sex, but he doesnt. I'm desperate. i need sex back in my life.
    Someone please help!

    Fri 20, May 2016 at 6:16am
  • User-anonymous Robinpam Flag

    I'm old enough to have experienced it both ways. Here's just my experience. ...maybe someone will find it helpful. First relationship, I was married for almost 30 years......29 of which were sexually difficult. He wanted sex every day, didn't matter if I wanted to or not. I found myself to be less and less interested in the point I thought something was wrong with me (the word frigid came to mind often). After seperating, I got together with another man. To make a long story short.......5 years and it's still exciting. ..I still desire him, often. I think what made such a big difference is that we don't live together, we don't get to see each other every day. Even though we do get together at least twice a week, it makes our time together special. So, going on 6 years with this man and our love and desire just keeps getting deeper. I'll never move on with, or marry him. I'm convinced that would kill what we have.

    Tue 5, Apr 2016 at 4:07pm
  • User-anonymous swshawn79 Flag

    Me and my girlfriend have been living with each other for 4 years now. I'm looking to move out soon due to issues I have with her 20yr old loser/mommas boy son. The only problems we have ever had is because of him. Everything is always flipped onto me anytime Im not happy about anything to do with him. He had serious medical issues years ago, and I think because of it, she treats him like a little kid. Didn't work for 2 years after graduating High School, not helping out around the house, making messes, ect. I've agreed on seeing her after I leave. We have always gotten along fine, the only issues when had where because of her loser son. I've been nothing but kind to her, and she has been denying me sex because she said "she isn't in the right head space right now". I asked her why, and she's says it's about all the nasty things I've said to her in the past. Im so sick of hearing this BS. I keep reminding her that the only times we ever even argued was because of her son, and she can't blame me for things I've said outta anger/frustration wile I was mad/pissed because of her consistently flipping everthing onto me when something comes up with her son. But she never sees anything as her or her sons fault. Acourse I'm going to say things I don't entirely mean. But I'm so sick of the dynamic of the way her/her son are. It's always flipped onto me. She's says because of that, "she's not in the right head space right now for sex" I tell her, for us to grow our relationship, she needs to be able to differentiate the issues we had because of HIM, and the issues between us, witch where really none existent other than constant BS from him. I don't think we will be able to move on after I leave because of this. I'm always the bad guy even though her son is a ******* ***** ass, mommas boy loser!! that plays his momma like a ******* banjo.I'm thinking I should just end it once I leave and concentrate on my career and finding a different girlfriend.

    Mon 4, Apr 2016 at 5:19pm
  • User-anonymous Jay Flag

    To Mil_woman. I wonder if you have followed the links at the end of the article might find them helpful. What you are doing at the minute is not you need to change what you are doing.

    Mon 22, Feb 2016 at 6:19pm
  • User-anonymous Mil_woman Flag

    I'm 27 and my boyfriend is 31. We have been together for 2 years and we recently moved in together a month ago. From the beginning of our relationship I have questioned his initiation of sex and he's always said its because we aren't in our own personal space. Now that we live together it's gotten worse and he has come
    Up with a different excuse . He simply says he just doesn't feel like it . I have cried and asked many times why he ignores me when he knows I want to . He just says he's not in the mood. We have no children. I have asked if he's simply not attracted to me and he says that's not it either . I'm not happy and I need help ! What could it be ? We are both young and I don't understand why he doesn't want to as much as I do ???

    Fri 19, Feb 2016 at 5:27pm
  • User-anonymous Jewel Flag

    to frankie10
    The issue about sex is that most women don't understand about men is that WE LOVE a good chase. Since the dawn of times, it was the Man who chased after women for sex. We have a instinct for chasing a woman and not vice-versa.
    sexually speaking, a man has to be ready for it, meaning mentally and physically, a woman on the other hand doesn't have to. that's why so many women can "fake it" where men can't, it's impossible to. can we fake an erection? no way. you see the point? men can be embarrassed if the partner makes the first move and if they are not "ready" in addition to loving a good chase. That "chase" has to be constant, because if we feel that we can get it anytime we want then it's no longer a chase and it's taken for granted. Bring your partner back in time to your first date, the first encounter, (try to keep it there) make yourself somehow difficult to get, difficult to reach, he loves to fight for it, make it a challenge and not a mere request...
    I am saying this after 10 years of marriage, she makes me feel that it's our first date together, well almost, but the passion is still there, she knew the trick...bravo

    Sun 10, Jan 2016 at 10:46am
  • User-anonymous Nickname-Z Flag

    Unfortunately, I am not very optimistic about this situation. one partner does not want to be intuit with you, and you want, because you want, or because it the the best solution for the family.

    the fact is that that partner does not want to be with you, accept it.
    On my opinion and experience 2 options:
    A. Divorce -
    Sorry to say but this is perfect for couples without kids, and do it as soon as possible so you can redo your life.
    I already tried this. I remarried, my new wife was excellent as a couple and intimately, but unfortunatelly not so good for kids, divorced again and back to square one for the kids.

    B. You have or you want to stay together:
    I am still working on this, Please do not pressure the other part.
    I heard that some people is actually not interested in sex, but from my experience it is more like the other parties is not interested in you, but he/she would completely have sex with someone that exit them
    They will never (almost) tell you so, as they might have some care feelings for you and think that would hurt you to know., but just accept it.
    Encourage them to open his/her to yourself, and to go and try to mate with that ideal partner. Ensure him/her that you are OK and want his/her happiness.. You will find out the surprise that he/she will not do anything as you accept it. it looses glamour.
    From experience, when I divorced she was, after we were in proceedings, with this bad guy, also to be around my children, but the most I discourage her to get away from him, the most she was close to him. and it was counterproductive.
    Now it happened again after the years, they start talking.. hiding, texting.. sexting... I just gave her 2 condoms and encourage her to go and have fun as she used to ... she stop communication with him.

    Also to not go crazy, look for an outside of the couple relationship
    This is super difficult, mainly if you have kids, but basically with someone on the same situation, that will understand you, and maybe talking even will be enough, but with the appealing that something else might happen.
    You both know what you want, you both will leave your partner alone, and not drive him/her crazy as under no circumstances they want to be intimate with you. T
    It is clear, by the frequency of sex you have with your partner.

    Remember you cannot talk him/her out of what he/she is and likes, and because you tell him/her that he has to be with you.. that is not apealing.

    How to look for someone on the same circumstance? I am not good at that.
    1. For women: it is not too difficult, as there is plenty of men that would love to have a one or several night stand with woman that wants no strings attached.
    2. For men: that is pretty difficult. Just look, all dating web sites are for singles. (except one that is a fake AM). I tell you probably a friend will help you, if you have any around.

    So if there were a site with people like us that can be open to this solution, that would be great as we would understand each other, and support us in any possible way.

    Now: how would your partner feel about you having something outside... the best is not telling, sorry. Remember you are not causing the issue, you want to be with him/her alone.
    He/she needs to figure out that he/she misses you not because you are doing something, but because you are not insisting about mating or couple things over and over. He/she might miss you at some point, and at that time you would be in a stronger position to be together, as you are the one that want the best for both, and the kids.

    Not all 'cheating' is bad. In this case I think it is a better option than the divorce as it might end up bringing you closer to your partner as you want.

    I am still working on option 2, things have been good as a household since we came back together with the kids, we have no disagreement in that regards and kids, and it is awesome with the kids, but as a couple it is as worse as it could be, and not because I try.

    And I have few years before the kits are 18, as if it does not work i will try again option 1.

    my 2 cents

    Wed 30, Dec 2015 at 12:13am
  • User-anonymous Jay Flag

    To the last used the phrase 'when I attack him'. I wonder what you mean by this. It may be that he is less confident than you. If he is 29 his previous experiences in relationships might be having an impact on how he is now. Why not post on the forum to see what others think.?

    Fri 11, Dec 2015 at 6:25pm
  • User-anonymous An1234 Flag

    Honestly I'm lost as to what I should do...
    I'm 19 and my boyfriend is 29.
    We have only been together for almost 2 years and have lived with him for majority of our relationship. Now it has always been a scare and a worry as to why we never have sex... He doesn't try, honestly he has never tried once now let me re-say that he has only tried when I have complained and begged for him to want me for a change instead of me attacking him. now it has gotten to the point were he just ignores me...
    I just need help an advice on why so early in the relationship?

    Wed 9, Dec 2015 at 5:10am
  • User-anonymous Lastwitsnikki1986 Flag

    Hi I am in a similar situation me and my husband haven't had sex for two years I have been married for 2 and half years had sex twice. There's no passion no fun no sex no nothing. I asked him why he said he doesn't fancy it anymore. I am 29 and he's 46. We have been together for nearly 10 years. Help as now I am very tempted to cheat

    Fri 4, Dec 2015 at 10:02pm
  • User-anonymous Frozen Flag

    Missdyan, funny how reading your comment is exactly the same problem I have and what I feel atm. Im 36, we have 2 children and he has not sex drive at all and it's making me so frustrated ! I already talked to him a trillion times about our lack of sex life, romance, social life and Nothing changes !! sometimes I wonder why do I have to live a sexless life after all we talked and I even bought supplement tablets for us to take, changed our diet, am always pushing everybody out the house to exercise etc....I really dont know what to do anymore with him. I love him but I feel down, unattractive (he was also a porn looser for a long time and I asked him to stop) seems like he is punishing me because I asked him to stop with porn(after also trying to watch with him) . Would like to hear from other men, what am I doing wrong ? I tried movies, sexy lingerie, I feel like a beggar for sex and it's killing my self steem :(

    Sun 4, Oct 2015 at 11:18pm
  • User-anonymous Missdyan Flag

    Its all the same. We get it. We all have the same problem. Bf forgetting we have needs. And is just not all about sex but the intimate moment that comes with it. I have been in a relationship for almost 3 years and at his 36's he wont get engaged. I am in a moment of my life where i dont want to beg for sex. I have read every single magazine about it and they all say we need to talk and talk but le me tell you that talking does not wprk out anymore. And in the end we end up writing our story somewherelse because the only one we want to be heard from is just not there. And in the end. What do we do if moving on is wobbly step really hard to take. Im 32 and i see my life with not a bright future. Or i should i see my self in a sexless relationship?

    Fri 4, Sep 2015 at 7:31pm
  • User-anonymous Jay Flag

    To the last poster, maybe it is time to find someone to talk to about it. Ideally it should be your life partner, so that you can both understand what is getting in the way of physical intimacy....unless you know already. If thats the case it may be worthwhile seeing a relationship counsellor. What do you think?

    Fri 8, May 2015 at 9:28pm
  • User-anonymous TiredLover Flag

    Had a dream last night and I can easily say that 1: the sex was amazing and probably the best sex I have ever had, awake or not, and 2: I know it's because my life partner has not touched me or been interested in sex for months (or has it been a year?) now. I am a very sexual person, so having that dream upset me because sex in a dream shouldn't be better than real life sex. Though I'm not getting anything and masturbating has become so boring, so I'm not even doing that at this point... I'm just so frustrated and have no one to talk to about this.

    Fri 8, May 2015 at 12:11pm
  • User-anonymous One Flag

    I've been with my bf for 3 years with a 3 month break after 9 months. Christmas 2013 his dad passed away and it has naturally been difficult for him. I have tried to take him happy by planning holidays ect. Because hes not the kind of person to talk about it.ive been with him and helped him every step of the way, like any girlfriend would. For over a year we have lived together but ever since he has totally gone off being intimate, and lacking effectionate towards me. Which I feel is cruel as all I want is for him to be happy and he knows this. I've tried everything from a weekend away for valentines, wearing sexy underwear, buying him presents, being over effectionate, none of that worked so I decided I wasn't going stress myself out and wait for him to make a move. But naturally every so often I try it on with him and he moans and says he's tired, or he's in the middle of something or he's not in the mood. It's been 3 months and he still hasn't made any move at all. We had a heart to heart a week ago and he said that he feels there should be a chase in the relationship, and that I make it too easy because he knows I want to have sex more than he does. but what else am I meant to do, it's not normal for a guy of 23 years old to not want sex at all. I understand it gets less exciting but 3 months no move is embarrassing, and makes me feel ugly, lonely and upset. We work in the same building but not together and whenever I see him he's having a laugh with his work mates but never wants to have a laugh with me, it's like He sees me as someone he can't have fun with or chill out. I'm not even an uptight moaning gf, I love the bones off him but he's just lost all interest and I don't have a clue why. It's driving me insane I need advice

    Sat 11, Apr 2015 at 11:17pm
  • User-anonymous Dreamer71 Flag

    I am 43, my BF is 46. We've been together a year. His sex drive is through the floor and he suffers from ED. He's a diabetic (tablet controlled) and blames his ED on this. Whenever I try to talk about the problem he gets defensive and says I'm looking for things that are wrong with him. He got Viagra from the GP but they don't work that well. I am at the end of my tether, I just don't know what to do. I tried to get him to get a blood test for his testosterone levels, he said the GP took a swab of his mouth & said they'd be in touch if they needed to but to be honest I'm not sure I believe him as he's pretty adamant nothing is wrong. What can I do to get the intimacy back!?! Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you :)

    Sat 11, Apr 2015 at 1:17pm
  • User-anonymous stelboy Flag

    Why do I receive multiple copies of the same email notification which are sent at exactly the same time? And why are there 4 identical comments above beginning with: "I have to share my testimony................"?
    3 are from Anonymous (how does he or she find the time to post so much?) and one from Elizabeth 337.
    I'm finally getting into this site but the are some annoying technical glitches that need sorting out.

    Thu 14, Aug 2014 at 8:27am
  • User-anonymous stelboy Flag

    Thanks Sinead. I received 4 identical emails all sent at 10:27 but I read your reply which appears twice above! Never mind. I went to Relationship Forum and searched "prostitutes" and Eureka, there was my post from yesterday in the thread "Cheating with Prostitutes" in the category "Affairs & Jealousy". I didn't relish the thought of writing it all again. I thought from my initial 7 emails that there had been 7 comments since mine but that's not the case. Mine is still the most recent. I was bracing myself for a torrent of criticism for admitting to paying for sex! Maybe that's still to come!
    I shall keep trying to improve my knowledge of how this site works. Thanks, Stelboy

    Tue 12, Aug 2014 at 10:25am
  • User-anonymous Sinead (moderator) Flag

    To the last poster...if you clicked on relationship forum above left it says at the bottom of the page that you need to sign in or register to post on the forum....I just wondered if that was the problem...apologies if you had done that already.

    Tue 12, Aug 2014 at 9:27am
  • User-anonymous Sinead (moderator) Flag

    To the last poster...if you clicked on relationship forum above left it says at the bottom of the page that you need to sign in or register to post on the forum....I just wondered if that was the problem...apologies if you had done that already.

    Tue 12, Aug 2014 at 9:27am
  • User-anonymous stelboy Flag

    Sorry, I must be really thick. I had several emails to say that I had notifications (I think that was the word). Now I'm back on this site I can't find the comment I made yesterday which took me ages. Nor can I see the 6 or so replies that people have made. There was a number 7 next to my username at the top right which I clicked on but each of the 7 lines (are they called links?) brought me to this page. I think I'm confusing the "articles" with the "forums.
    I really would like to participate both to help improve my own marital issues and I think can help others. I wonder if my post yesterday has caused offence by me being honest about paying for sexand has therefore been deleted. That would be a shame because my story was not complete; I just got tired because it took me ages. and I was going to continue that my wife and I have been talking things through and I'm trying to stop seeking sex outside our marriage.

    Tue 12, Aug 2014 at 9:12am
  • Cc Esme Flag

    Sorry you're having trouble navigating the site. This page is one of the many Relationship Advice articles. People do post comments about the articles but many more are posted on the main Forum page.

    If you look at the list of sections at the top of this page on the left side and click on Relationship Forum it will take you to the main forum pages.

    Please keep posting and I hope you find the site useful.

    Sun 10, Aug 2014 at 12:33pm
  • User-anonymous stelboy Flag

    "Hi to the last poster on this you know you can post on the forum...where you are likely to get more responses. You will find a lot of people go through times where they want sex more frequently or less frequently that their partners.

    Fri 13, Jun 2014 at 8:02pm"
    I only joined a few days ago and I'm having trouble understanding how this site works. there doesn't seem to be a section for help with the forum itself. I sent an email for help but had no reply yet. I'm getting more frustrated than I am with the lack of sex in my marriage, lol!!
    Anyway, could you explain what you mean by "posting on the forum". I thought we were on the forum. And I would like to have replied directly/underneath to some posts here but it doesn't seem possible. There's one box (like the one I'm in now) but it is not connected to a particular post. I'm a member of a couple of other forums (related to sex) and they work much better.

    Sun 10, Aug 2014 at 9:50am
  • User-anonymous Deadpool Flag

    To Anon88: Man i have the exact same thing happening with me and my partner right now. when i was reading your comment, its like im reading my own story. I really don't know what should i do to her, i know she still loves me. i almost did everything cuddle, make flirt with her, text her sweet messages, massages her.. etc etc etc. but after that she gets irritated when im starting to the moves. By the way once a week we do have sex, but for me that doesn't count, because its a "schedule sex", because it feels for me that she don't want it, that she's just doing it because she needs do it not she wants to do it or because its been set (i hope you know what im saying) not the way when like when we're young, like she's the one who rip my clothes because she can't wait for my body, or have sex to unknown places because she couldn't wait to get home, she even gave me a fucking BJ in a swimming pool. Now we are like our parents.. Awww.. Sorry guys for the words, because 20 minutes earlier today i just got rejected again for a sex, and that makes me feel so desperate, and i feel so sad because im thinking right now that she's not attracted to me anymore. By the way she is right next to me right now. Sleeping.. :(

    Sat 2, Aug 2014 at 3:23am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    If you don't mind me asking how long have you been with each other, What's his reason for losing he's sex drive?

    Wed 16, Jul 2014 at 3:34pm
  • User-anonymous istherehope1 Flag

    Since last summer our sex life has slowly come to a stop and now we don't have one. He doesn't even touch me and when I've asked him too he said no, when we did try having sex he'd lose it and get frustrated with him self so that stopped us having sex. But he doesn't want to satisfy me even tho his the one with the problem which is selfish to say I know.

    but what hurts more he said his lost his sex drive but while I'm out or gone to bed early he'll watch porn which he hides from me but I've seen and know he is. I don't even get a goodnight kiss and have cried myself to sleep over this.

    I'm very lovely with him and kiss and hug him and try for us to get closer and hope that he'll instrgate sex but nothing, I've given up but it's making me so depressed, jealous, and starting it think it's me!!! We've spoke about this twice but nothing has changed, he doesn't seem to put any effort it...I don't need sex but I need it to feel loved, that he loves me and it's sex which does that for me. We love each other but it's not enough when I'm wanting more

    Thu 10, Jul 2014 at 10:08am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    Hi. This is my first comment. I am 42 yrs. old. Living with my boyfriend. We've been together for 4 yrs. the first year together he adored me and payed a lot of attention to me physically and emotionally. He often initiated sex, foreplay, kissing, playing, cuddling and we were madly in love. I was never so happy. But something happened after his dr. Changed his Meds for depression, he has totally and completely lost all interest in anything to do with intimacy, sex, even kissing. When we discuss it he says he is embarrassed because the Meds caused him ED. I do not know if I can honestly believe just his Meds could totally ruin everything we had!! He lacks any emotion involving touching me or even being affectionate in the past 3 years. We have only had sex a few times in a few years. Leaving me feeling like maybe he has found someone else, that what he is saying isn't even true. Because he can hardly kiss me with out drawing away and just stopping. I am so heart broken. At the same time I am in love with him and have stayed because I want to believe his story. Am I just a big FOOL?? Could this be real?? How could he resist sex with me when I am still trying to please him in every way most men I've been with love and can not resist! I consider myself a good looking, healthy, smart, sexy woman. This ordeal is killing my confidence and my hope in true love and relationships. Should I just let go and move on? Oh, and we have consulted with several doctors about this who've said he has low T and it could possibly be side effects of the Meds but it would return to normal after a few months. He took the low T Meds and says that didn't work and quit them. I feel like he doesn't care how I feel. I'm so devastated over this entire situation. Does he just not want me any more... Or does he have another woman. I need help and advice. I'm tired of asking him to kiss me and getting a peck or a half ass kiss with no passion. Please help me. My heart is broken.

    Thu 26, Jun 2014 at 5:24am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    Hello everyone, I am desperately in need of advice! I am 23 years old and I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for nearly two years now. I met her in my homeland , New Zealand, while she travelled there and decided I would move with her back to her homeland, Germany. By then we had been together for nearly a year. In the beginning of our relationship sex was amazing, even once I had moved here to Germany it was still amazing and frequent, maybe 3 to 4+ times a week. When i first came here i needed to stay with her but she wanted that i eventually find my own place, which i reluctantly did. You see because at first i wanted us to live together, i had left my home country to be with her.. now i have been living in a flat with students since... my problem now is that my girlfriend never wants to have sex with me anymore, she likes to cuddle and kiss but i dont necessarily like that anymore because through our lack of sex (maybe once a month, normally i have to argue for it now with her..) so through our lack of it i have grown bitter and resentful and am constantly agressive because im hurting. I feel rejected, isolated, ugly and worthless. On top of that my girlfriend barely makes any time for me anymore, i feel as if it is not even important for her anymore, that i am not important anymore.. The other day she had returned from a holiday with friends and i wanted to have a romantic dinner with her but she wanted to go watch the soccer world cup and told me i am holding her back from enjoying soccer when i protested against the idea.. we ended up still having the dinner but you see the resentment still sits deep inside me because i had to initially argue with her for the pleasure of her company.. i feel i am too young and have sacrificed too much to feel like this, to feel that im treated as if i mean nothing.. i love to have sex, my drive is high, i could do it everyday without a doubt, but ive made changes in order to accommodate my girlfriend. But when she never wants to have sex anymore i dont know what to do.. i end up watching porn.. everything seems fine aswell, i mean she is happy and spends alot of time with friends or family, works, studies etc but when it comes to me or intimacy, it just seems so difficult for her... so i font know what to do anymore.. im growing hateful and falling out of love with her... some advice would help alot!

    Thu 19, Jun 2014 at 9:25am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    Hi to the last poster on this you know you can post on the forum...where you are likely to get more responses. You will find a lot of people go through times where they want sex more frequently or less frequently that their partners.

    Fri 13, Jun 2014 at 7:02pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    I have been in a relationship for almost 6 years. In the beginning we were very intimate, then he started having some self issues. He had gained weight and would always push me away, I got tired of trying. Now the tables have turned, he has lost weight I have put on a few extra pounds. He is so conceded. Will be a almost year that we have been intimate. I have the I don't care attitude. I know I'm still a very attractive women even with a few extra pounds. True beauty comes from the inside out, some people spend there whole life trying to figure that out. Maybe it's just time we part as friends. I don't think there's A difference in libido, I just think he has his sights on a different exterior. If that makes sense!

    Thu 12, Jun 2014 at 3:28am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    I'm a 27yr old male living in the uk, my patner and I have been together since 2007 sex for us was never an issue (we loved it), about 2 years into the relationship we fell pregnant unexpectadly and made the decision we were not ready. Since then sex has been an issue for us, its not because of any regret on past decision but my partner tells me that it hurts during sex an almost smarting stabbing sensation. Sex use to be as frequent as every couple of days and is now once a month if that sometimes, I love her with all my heart and try my best not to always pester her for sex, the pain is still there for her and makes sex difficult between us, we've been pursuing medical advice and she's even been put to sleep for an operation to see if all is ok. I sense that over the years she has had enough of everyone prodding and poking around with no succes and feel like she's given up. For 3 years or so I've always been the one to initiate sex and am always the one talking about it, I feel rejected. And responsible for this happening to her yet also really angry and frustrated that I can't change things, I wouldn't leave my partner over this because I love her too much but I don't know what to do with myself, there's no sexual intimacy at the moment she kisses me and cuddles me but won't be sexual to me at all. Can anyone relate to this pain my partner has and offer any advice please, I've spoke to her and said we need to get a second opinion from some specialists in sexual health b ut if anyone has had this problem before and managed to cure it or treat it please let me know. Thankyou

    Fri 25, Apr 2014 at 5:27am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    Id take a wham bam thank you sir anyday over nothing!!!

    my husband's drive is low, mine is high. he would be happy with once every 2 months and I like 2 - 3 times a week. Im a nympho cuz I want it more than him. I t has casued much distress in our relationship and much bad feelings on my part. I have found that by drinking spearmint tea I can lower my drive and we are on the same page. Im no longer miserable. people shouldnt have to kill their sex drives, but one cannot make someone else change. so you either adapt or go crazy. I dont even care anymore if we ever have sex again. but I can still have it with him when/if he wants it. just makes it a little harder to orgasm. oh well. at least Im not going crazy anymore. spearmint tea is great and Im trying to let everyone know about it, who is in the same situation as I am..... try it, it works. I use one tea bag all day....just keep adding water and heating in can also chew spearmint gum....

    Mon 24, Mar 2014 at 4:17pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    I hope so as I'm 30 years old and cannot fight this on my own as not managing very well and the worse is that my man ex man is suffering badly too and it's the last thing I would want to do to him...I feel for every women and men going through this and guys who thinks that their woman does not love them anymore, please font leave her in it, just a bit of support can sort things out

    Sun 23, Mar 2014 at 7:22pm
  • Cc Esme Flag

    Yes there are and I'm sure things will work out for you too!

    Sun 23, Mar 2014 at 7:18pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    Thank you Esme I really appreciate it and will try to get appointment with one of the organisations and will keep you posted, as I believe there are many women who suffers with things like I do, but still can have decent relationships and sexual life and I really would like to become one of day hopefully it might happen

    Sun 23, Mar 2014 at 7:15pm
  • Cc Esme Flag

    You could see a counsellor at Relate ( or Marriage Care ( ) Marriage Care doesn't charge a fee but asks for donations.
    Both these organisations have skilled counsellors used to working with people with relationship problems. You can go on your own and don't have to be in a current relationship.

    You're welcome to talk to someone in the Listening Room too (available every day 9-10pm)
    I hope you find the help you're looking for and please post again.

    Sun 23, Mar 2014 at 6:59pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    To Esme, thank you for prompt reply, yeah it did happen to me twice and it's long time ago, but I don't know I asked GPS for counselling many times, but I never get one even in past I had overdosed and had severe depressions as not feeling normal compare to others. Is there any other way how to get help then through go, as I'm not British, but live and work here for over 7 years, but don't know where to seek help, when gp does not help...?

    Sun 23, Mar 2014 at 6:29pm
  • Cc Esme Flag

    To the first poster,
    You might like to post this again on the main relationship forum as more people are likely to read it and respond.
    The pain you're in will make you less likely to feel like being intimate. I wonder though if there's anything that's happened to you in the past that makes you scared about intimacy. I certainly wouldn't want "somebody taking control over me" as you put it but in a loving relationship there is mutual respect, not control.

    I think it would help you if you see a counsellor where you can explore the difficulties you have in a safe and sensitive situation.

    Sun 23, Mar 2014 at 6:23pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    I'm new on here and after reading few posts I can see that I'm not the only one who is suffering with intimacy and having sex problem...I have been with my partner for just over two years, when he left me due to lack of sexual initiative and intimacy from my side... I love him so much and don't want to loose him over this, but I don't know how can I change my way of thinking as this is not first relationship which ended due to me not being able to show feelings and letting somebody taking control over me... Can someone give me any advise as I need to do something about this I can't keep pushing people I love all my life away and hurting them as well as myself... Is there someone who can help me? I talked to go, but not getting nowhere... Probably should also mentioned that I suffer with endometriosis and severe pains most of the day's and on morphine and tramadol... Please any advice would be really appreciated as I'm starting hating myself for it...

    Sun 23, Mar 2014 at 4:52pm
  • User-anonymous redskins Flag

    I am at my wit's end here. My bf and I have been together for 2 years, lived together for 1. We get along, laugh, have fun together....except for sex. He is 50, I am 53. My kids are grown; he has a 14 yo and a 9 yo. I'm at the point in my life where I want a relationship with him to be complete. I know I signed up for this knowing about his kids but I feel very pushed aside. We have sex about once every few months. Yes, MONTHS. I initiate always (after a discussion with him about it when he told me to take the bull by the horns). Last night I tried again, he could not maintain, and we stopped. I said wake me up early in the morning so we can finish. He didn't and never mentioned it. I'm so worried - about his health, our relationship, lack of sex life. I know this is not good. We do not have much money and he has no health insurance so going to the doc may be out of the question. I have tried to dress sexy for him -- he immediately pulls off whatever I'm wearing and doesn't seem to like that. I have asked him what he likes but he is shy and not open about it. Please somebody help shed some light on this. I've been on this forum for many of our different relationship issues and always get good advice. Hard to follow it sometimes but I know everyone has a good opinion on a similar experience. Thanks everyone!!!

    Thu 6, Feb 2014 at 4:13pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    I am the one having trouble with wanting sex. I drop hints and try to tell him I want different things, but for him its the same every time. I dont want sex anymore, im either too tired or not in the mood. im at a point where I dont know what to do. all he dose is make comments abouthow long has been. he also keeos track of itin his phone. theres a lot of factors of why I dont want it. I feel he dosnt try to make it exciting. I feel like im expected to do it everyday. not sure what to do now?

    Wed 1, Jan 2014 at 8:32am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    I'm sorry to hear that. If you don't mind me asking how old are the both of you and I assume you guys live with each other, if so how long?

    Tue 3, Dec 2013 at 10:23pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years. For the first two years we remained intimate, until the third year. At first it slowed to once or twice a week, then to twice a month. Now it is non existent. I talked to him about it plenty of times and told him how it bothered me, but he just takes offense to it and thinks I'm trying to blame him for our loss of intimacy. We are not affectionate anymore, we don't even kiss. When I try to bring intimacy into our relationship he says to stop forcing it, and just let it happen. But once I stopped trying, it just stopped completely. I don't know what to do anymore, and he gets mad and says that relationships are more than just sex; he doesn't understand me when I tell him I want to feel beautiful and loved. I talked to him about it last night, and he just says he resents me now because of how much we used to fight, and he doesn't care how I feel anymore because I'll just get mad anyways so he does whatever he wants. But then when I talk about us separating, he doesn't want that either. I'm confused, and worried, and I cry about it all the time. It makes me feel bad about myself; it makes me depressed. And he knows it. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel that there is nothing that I can do, and I hate it...

    Tue 3, Dec 2013 at 6:54am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    I wonder if you found the article above helpful and if you followed the links at the end? It might help if your girlfriend read them too. . You will find other posters on the forum going through situations not unlike yours.. Why not post on the forum...more of the community is likely to read the post there and respond to it.

    Mon 11, Nov 2013 at 9:38pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    I'm 31 years old my girl is 30, I've been with her for almost 3 years we finally moved in together it's been about 3 months, my girl is a teacher so she brings her work home with her a lot, so I do the cooking & most of the cleaning. Before we moved in we lived far from each other see we would have sex once twice a week which was fine because when we did have sex it was great & intimate & there was a lot of connection which was one of the reasons I fell n love. A little before we moved in she lost her drive and she's no longer intimate, we don’t have sex as much and when we do she’s not really into it, she does it just to make me happy for the time being, but it doesn't I need connection and it's not there I don't want a wham bam thank u ma'am I enjoy making my girl organism rather if it's by penetration or 4play and I don’t mind experimenting I like it, we use to experiment a lot. We’ve had talks about it she says she doesn't feel sexy because she's gained some weight, honestly I don't care about it I'm still attracted to her but if it makes her happy to lose it I’ll back her up, I try to cook healthy and I try to encourage her to eat right and exercise but then she gives up after a while. I think its deeper then the weight issue, she’s genuinely feels bad and cry’s about it, she say’s I make her very happy and she loves me very much and she wants to marry me in the future when we are ready but she doesn’t understand why or how she lost her drive. Were both stressed and frustrated and although I try to hide it and be understanding I cant help what I feel on the inside. I’m sure we are not the only ones that have gone through this please if anyone has some advice please help. Thank you.

    Mon 11, Nov 2013 at 3:14pm