Cookies on The Couple Connection: The couple connection uses cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. If you continue to use the couple connection, we will assume that you are happy to receive all cookies from this site.

Housework- domestic bliss and household chores

Tags: Domestic bliss, domestic, housework, chores, household chores, house chores, house, relationship issues, relationship, issues, mens, men's womens, women's.
Categories: Housework

Who does what around the house in your relationship?

Nearly all men and women say that when you both work full-time, you should both share household chores between each other as this helps in avoiding relationship issues and can help in achieving your 'domestic bliss'. However, research shows that even when women work the same hours as their partners, they do nine hours more housework per week than their partner.

But things are changing; in 1989 32% of men and 26% of women thought that it was a man's job to earn the money and a woman’s’ job to look after the home and family - but in 2006 only 17% of men and 15% of women agreed with this(1).

Furthermore research has shown that when men are more involved in housework and childcare, their partners are less depressed and happier with their relationship.

But it can be difficult – your attitude to what’s okay may be really different from your partner's – each of you will have been brought up with a different view of who should do what; what means tidy and what means mess.

One of you might feel a bit of mess makes a home feel lived in. One of you might feel they cannot relax until all the household chores have been done and everything is in order. There is no right or wrong - often, you just have to try and agree about what you both feel okay with.

Everyone agrees arguments about housework are boring so why do we spend so much time bickering over who does what?

Part of showing you care for someone is by looking after their practical and physical needs. For example one of the ways you might show affection for your partner after a hard day's work is to cook them a nice meal – showing you care for them in a practical way.

So when we fall out about housework, sometimes it is about not feeling cared for.

Often underneath a row about chores there's a much deeper fear that our partner doesn’t care and so housework becomes the battleground where we fight for these needs, leading to relationship problems.


  1. Crompton, R. & Lyonette, C., 2008. Who does the housework? The division of labour within the house. In Park, A. etal., British Social Attitudes: The 24th Report 2007/2008. London: Sage
  This was of help to 100% of people  


  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    So, you have a household to run, and family to care for and a relationship to nurture. How interested are you in these three things. If you are not interested in ALL THREE then you are not engaging with life as a partner., and are probably denying your family unit a highly treasured part of yourself. Being interested in these three things is not BORING CHORES!! These are lifetime learning curves. Not engaging with them is a slow death of self. Nuff said.

    Tue 10, Dec 2013 at 6:21pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    The above didn't come out correctly:

    Me: Cook 3 times week, Dishwasher duty, Tidy kitchen/living room, mowing lawns, packed lunches, any heavy lifting physical jobs, feeding dogs, changing bed sheets.

    GF: Cooks 3 times a week, Does Washing/Ironing, Walks dogs at weekend (Kids walk them during week), Feeding dogs, changing bed sheets.

    This is balanced work load right?

    Tue 10, Dec 2013 at 10:53am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    Myself and my girlfriend both work full time, our chores are divided this way:

    Me Girlfriend
    Cook 3 times week Same
    Dish washer load/unload Ironing
    Tidy Kitchen/Living room Washing
    Mowing Lawns Walking dogs
    Making packed lunches
    Any hard physical jobs
    Feeding Dogs Same
    Bed sheets changing Same

    The Children take it in turns to cook one meal a week, one of them does the hoovering and the other keeps the bathroom tidy.

    My Girlfriend says I don't pull my weight around the house for doing jobs, I beg to differ.

    She complains that jobs that need doing around the house that aren't on the list above are not getting done and that means I'm not pulling my weight?

    I think this is unfair I think our workload is balanced, who agrees?

    Tue 10, Dec 2013 at 10:49am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    I work full time mother of a still breast feeding baby and I am also "held responsible" for all the household chores including the cooking. Husband and I work same hours, but he argues that his responabilities are taking care of the cars, dogs and yards. I can definitly count on one hand how many times a week he has to deal with all of "his" responsabilities. On the other hand, my work is never done, I come home from work, cook, clean, breast feed baby, finish cleaning, put baby to sleep, and I still have to wake up in the middle of the night, 3 times, to breast feed. I he still calls me lazy. I can count on one hand how many times a MONTH he ever helps me with just LAUNDRY, that's it! I am exhausted to my bones, so god help me not kill him!

    Mon 11, Apr 2011 at 6:09pm
  • User-anonymous Alisakitten Flag

    I work full time and my partner does too, we have two children.  I have very high standards with tidiness.  I am not allowed to asked my husband to do a job.

    Sun 23, May 2010 at 7:23pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    im a full time mum and i do most of the housework but he does help with the cooking when he comes home from work xx

    Wed 3, Mar 2010 at 4:41am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    My partner thinks that i should do all the house work even if we both work.His arguement is that he works longer hours and he pays most of the bills so I should do the house work.Do you think this is fair anyone?as it gets to me at times.

    Tue 30, Jun 2009 at 4:10pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    in the bedroom men want woman to also take part(woman on top) so its fair if men also take part in house chores

    Mon 6, Apr 2009 at 9:55pm