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Finding the Time and Space to be Together and Apart

Tags: Finding time, together time, time apart, me time, relax together, managing time, relationship, advice, support, relationship psychology, relationship resource
Featured in Microsite: Couples Living Apart

When we first get together with someone it's normal to want to spend all our spare time together. But as time goes on, at some point, time apart is usually needed. Some couples need more time to be alone than others and its unlikely that both of you will need exactly the same amount of ‘me’ time and together time. Sometimes this becomes a problem and one partner feels rejected but often it is just a natural part of getting to know and understand your partner.

Later on (usually after children come along) it becomes harder and harder to find any time to spend together just being a couple again.

Often couples find it really difficult to juggle all the competing demands on their time – work, children, friends, housework...

It becomes frustrating not being able to predict when you’ll be able to find that extra time just to relax together. But if you can at least try and make a commitment to seizing those moments when they come along it can really help you to focus on your relationship.

It’s finding time to be by yourselves, away from the home and all those other responsibilities and interruptions, that’s important. However, if you can’t make that work, just try to set aside, maybe, one evening a week to slip in an hour somewhere. Commit to some time once a week when you will have time to focus just on ‘us’.

To make the most of this time it might be a good idea to spend a little time talking about what your expectations are, and about what each of you most needs from the time together. You might want to discuss all the things you used to do together. Which do you miss the most – and how can you get them back again?

Try and think creatively and plan to do as much as you think is possible. Even if your plan fails you will know, if nothing else, one very important thing - that your relationship is important, and needs looking after. Celebrate that and have a plan to try again.


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  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    My partner and I seem to be going through the "can't find the time" phase at the moment. I suggested and booked a night away, like we used to have in the early stages of our relationship. I had to cancel as she wanted a spa weekend away with her mother. I obliged and changed the date and now she is questioning why. I explained how I felt and how I wanted to get the spark back, but she sounded non committal. What else can I do?

    Thu 27, Dec 2012 at 11:03pm