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Affairs, jealousy and Facebook

Tags: Affairs jealousy and facebook, facebook, partner flirting with others, marital affairs, marriage affairs, affair, married affair, having an affair, jealousy, jealous, cheating, cheating spouse, unfaithful, trust, trust issues

Most of us are guilty of looking up an old flame on Facebook and having a good old nosey at their new life without us. But at what point does common curiosity turn into plain old cheating?

Facebook can be a great way of reconnecting with old friends and keeping in touch with those who’ve moved away, but it can also pose a risk to your relationship if you let the past interfere with your present.

It’s wise to think carefully before you accept or add an ex-lover on Facebook. Sure, it’s interesting to see what they’re doing now; you may even want to share some old memories with one another. But getting nostalgic often leaves us thinking about all the positive feelings we once had for someone and rarely any of the negatives. By exploring old memories and emotions you could risk misinterpreting your real feelings for both your ex and your current partner. And what’s simply nostalgia to one person can be mistaken for love interest by another.

“I started to get suspicious when I noticed my girlfriend had added her ex on Facebook. She insisted it was innocent; they were just old friends keeping in touch. But then he started emailing her, texting her, calling her... and it soon became clear he just wanted to get back together.” - Simon, Hertford.

To avoid any potential Facebook fall outs (or full on cyber warfare), sit down with your partner and work out what you’re both comfortable with. Most couples will find it helpful to set some boundaries for their time on Facebook. You might discover you’re both happier if old flames are off-limits on Facebook, but perhaps simply telling each other about any new FB friends you’ve added will be enough to maintain trust.

Facebook can be addictive and the advent of the iPhone has meant some fans find it difficult to log out. Many couples now set aside some Facebook-free time, during dinner times and date nights, so no one feels neglected in favour of the news feed.

“Every time I look round my husband has got Facebook up on his phone. I get that it keeps him entertained while we’re in the supermarket or on the bus, but when he’s still on it while we’re sitting in a restaurant waiting for our food to arrive it really, really infuriates me.” – Louisa, Cheshire.

When one partner spends too much time on Facebook it can arouse suspicions and jealousy from within their other half; it’s easy to wonder just whose profile they’re scrolling through or why they can’t seem to turn the chat function off. But don’t let your imagination run ahead of you. Talk to your partner and ask them to include you more in their online life – it needn’t take place in a secret world you know nothing about; often sharing a funny status update is enough to make a partner feel included.

Are you and your partner on Facebook? How has it affected your relationship? Why not head to the Talk it Out forum to discuss your experiences on Facebook with other Couple Connection users?

Other articles in the series:

  This was of help to 100% of people  


  • User-anonymous sal9396 Flag

    " facebook is very evil its full of people who like to cause havoc in relationships but the best advice dont hide anything or it will ruin a relationship"

    I am a first-time visitor. First, I hope many of the commenters are not native-born English speaking, because the writing is appalling. What I was able to read was interesting. The above quote starts out horribly, but ends well. Facebook is not evil, and other people can only cause havoc in your relationship if you or your partner let them. Don't blame the technology or others for your problems. However, I agree that hiding things is death to a relationship. I am speaking from current experience.

    Wed 10, Aug 2016 at 6:44pm
  • User-anonymous Fireball Flag

    Me and my fiancé were together for over a year and we're planning to get married next year.we are happy together and all of our friends says we are a perfect couple .We are such dorks and we always have fun together .but we all know that there's no perfect relationship right?we can't be that perfect couple all the time.we go through serious arguments like any other here's our situation, , we were fighting about he's ex's girlfriends messages on Facebook.i was the type of person who can careless about those little shit.before,I don't go through his phone cause I don't wanna be that kind of girlfriend besides ,we both know each other's phone passcode so I never thought of checking his phone knowing that he's not hiding anything from me but, that day after seeing a pop up message of his ex on his lock screen,I got really curious and started to have doubts ,so yeah I went through his phone and checked the messages.he wasn't flirting with he's exes but those bitch sending him messages like they still like my fiancé so I talked to him about it and told that he should let them know that he's already with someone so that they'll stop sending him a he did what I said and I ended up blocking them on his Facebook.but recently, the night before Christmas,we went out with friends and I remember we both got drunk.the next morning.for some reason I checked his first love Facebook profile,I was shocked cause I thought he stopped talking to all of his ex girlfriend but I saw he posted on her timeline greetings for Christmas.i even checked who he was searching on his Facebook search history .so he really searched for her to post on her timeline.i know I may sound crazy but I really don't know why it bothers me a lot .i know she hurt him 16years ago.cause he told me he was supposed to marry her but she ended up marrying somebody.does it mean my fiancé is not totally over with her yet?he always tell me he loves me and I feel it.his family knows about us that we are getting married soon but I don't know what to do,I'm so confused,i feel so insecure I wanna know if he's really mine 100%.i don't wanna fight with him.

    Tue 29, Dec 2015 at 6:07am
  • Lighthouse whitmore2502 Flag

    me and my bf were always fighting about facebook due to the fact that we took a break and then we got back together and he hide his fb with tons of ex gfs and just slooty women all around. i finally gave him a choice me or your fb so we both deleted our fb accounts and are very happy we fight way less we use to fight daily now we fight maybe twice a month. facebook is very evil its full of people who like to cause havoc in relationships but the best advice dont hide anything or it will ruin a relationship

    Wed 15, Jul 2015 at 1:33pm
  • User-anonymous Jay Flag

    It sounds like she might feel insecure in her relationship with you.. Have you thought of getting some relationship counselling to help you both get underneath the bad attitude etc. and help you to understand each other better and at a deeper level. Relate and Marriage Care offer relationship counselling and have centres throughout the UK if you are interested.

    Tue 7, Jul 2015 at 7:27am
  • User-anonymous Tryin00 Flag

    It's a battle that she doesn't want to do stuff! She is an independent women which I like, I get a little jealous sometimes, I have a beautiful wife! She acts like she doesnt but when I talk to a woman to closely or befriend them she gets jealous but has a bad attitude towards me. I began to gain this trait in me and I don't like it but it is a battle everytime I try to resolve! She has guy friends but if I even cross the line garenteed problems! I used to talk to my women friends about my life advise but I lost all of them as friends!

    Mon 6, Jul 2015 at 11:37pm
  • User-anonymous Jay Flag

    To the last sounds like you have lost touch emotionally as well as physically. What happens when you try to discuss what is going on between you?

    Mon 6, Jul 2015 at 6:44pm
  • User-anonymous debating Flag

    My wife has a flex schedule from work and when ever I'm fed up and starting getting mad about the lack of affection. She changes her schedule! I never felt I had to keep tabs but she has started telling me she has appt. At certain times and then they change day of. There's been a lot of schedule flexing! I fear she is cheating but I can not prove it she doesn't give me affection besides hugs a kiss! I try and be patient but she doesn't come around and act like she ate acted to me by trying to get me aroused, but anytime of the day I want to touch her. I know most women are not like men but I don't feel like she wants me ever even when she submits

    Mon 6, Jul 2015 at 12:59pm
  • User-anonymous Hellcatsrt8 Flag

    My wife got bored in our marriage because I hurt my back and got hooked on pain killers. She went on chat rooms and got into a romance scam and lost alot of money. It has caused me alot of heartache and her response was that she is now on chat rooms talking to strange men and says she needs the attention. We have fought a lot over this and now wants space and tells me she wants out of our marriage.

    I have responded by losing quite a bit of weight and getting back in shape. I have given her space and I am hurt and angry why a woman I have been so good to would do this to me? She will be 60 in 6 months and my friends tell me she will be sorry. When I met her 24 years ago she had nothing and now she wants to throw me away and our beautiful home also. I am focusing on myself and trying to keep away from her. Some days she will tell me she loves me and other days she is cold as ice. Does anyone have any idea what is going through her head?

    She also has told these guys she is 43 not 59 and has cut all ties from her sisters. I am realizing that I need to move on and rebuild my life!

    Sun 10, May 2015 at 10:46am
  • User-anonymous toughth Flag

    My wife had an old boyfriend start back up with her on facebook. While I was in rehab for five months last year he stared seeing her. After I arrived home after about 2 weeks my wife received a phone call, she told me she was seeing and old college friend, the next day. I knew she went to an all female college but the way she cut out of the house the next morning seemed to be funny, I wanted an introduction, But she got up and left so fast all I could do was watch as the person and her went down the street in a Solstice. I called several times but received no answer on her cell, I received a call at 6:33 that night, She said she would be home by ten that evening, I waited until 1:00 am, then activated the tracker on my cell, I found she was at the downtown Hyate. I rose the next morning and watched as they started back. I trapped them in the drive and found out it was her old BF. She asked to take the discussion to the living room and I did I unblocked the car and fallowed. As I passed him he thought it would be funny to kick the cane I use for support out from under me, I hit hard on the floor and the jerk started laughing saying pathetic, I just took my cane and threw it as hard as possible catching him in the side of his head fracturing his scull. I ended up in a stress center for anger management, My wife said the hurt I did was far out of proportion to the offence. The last year I have been defending my rights as a husband. I make her angry, my father and his friends angry by being an person that refuses any request to let my wife in any private situation, four men including my father have been hurt for my defense of my rights, My wife is bi polar and the state forced a guardianship on me years ago, I can't divorce without breaking the bank.

    Fri 1, Aug 2014 at 7:23pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    facebook is evil I have just caught my partner chatting to a woman on it who he knows . He has deleted it and her and wiped her from his phone. where do you go from that.. there is no trust just hurt

    Wed 2, Jul 2014 at 10:49am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    my husband is always on FB...I also...he keeps changing his password but when he forgets to log out i have seen that he is in touch with old girlfrieds from 40 years ago...its funny how they are on his contacts but never comment on his status... and also on my e mail( if i have a facebook message) it comes up there as both have the same e mail ...however my husband never has messages on his e mail with a link to facebook...i wonderered if somehow he got this tken off so i cannot check what he is saying to old girlfriends.....hate technology now it has made me very insecure!

    Fri 15, Mar 2013 at 12:40pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    i have tried to talk to my bf about fb but he has trust issues and i wonder if something is going on i went the extra mile and gave him my fb password but when i asked if i could see his he simply ignored me we have had many problems with him talking to his ex behind my back and i have been trying to talk to him to open up to me but hes always shut down i hope after he reads this article maybe he will come around...

    Sun 3, Feb 2013 at 4:45pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    I spend most of my time on facebook and my partners hardly around, When hes away, he rings me everyday and asks me who i've seen or spoke to but when i ask him what hes been up to, he changes the subject pretty fast. He doesnt trust me at all. I have to constantly reasure him. He tells me to behave and to do nothing he wouldnt, before he hangs up the phone. Most of my friends are male and i talk to them all the time, i'm not going to ignore them just because im seeing someone, He wants to know who im talking to and if its a guy, he wants to know whats being said but i cannot know who hes talking to. My partner isnt on fb but hears me and my friends talking about resent conversations on there, he says he might sign up but tell no-one. When hes away he says he has people watching me, just incase i do something he wouldnt want me to do. I've been going to the shops with my brother one day and he rang and asked who i was with. When i'm in a public place and can hear a males voice he goes mardy. I'm going to uni in september and cant wait, He wants to buy a house near my uni so i can move in with him and only go on campus when hes taking me to my classes. Hes an amazing guy (although how i've wrote all the negitive things down, he wouldnt sound it) but i feel like hes suffercating me at times. I want my space to do what i like without being watched by his friends. I want to go to uni and live on campus to have that experience. How do i say this to him without hurting his feelings? Help..

    Sat 12, Jan 2013 at 5:29am
  • User-anonymous azrieal4 Flag

    My girlfriend spends all day on facebook talking to her ex's and while I understand that they were in her life first I cant help but wonder if all they are doing is talking. She keeps her world private from mine mostly and when ever I try to get her to open up to me its like pulling teath.

    That said I think that after reading this article I might have made much to do about nothing.

    Tue 18, Sep 2012 at 8:10pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    thank you all, for help my family, natural family it is always the future of the world....

    Thu 21, Apr 2011 at 10:36pm