A miscarriage is an incredibly painful and emotional time for couples.
A report was written by OnePlusOne, featuring interviews with couples who had gone through one or more miscarriages revealed how different couples deal with the loss of their unborn child.
One participant in the study said that after two miscarriages, she and her partner experienced a lot of severe relationship difficulties.
‘When you go on the downside after a miscarriage, you just don’t want to know. Everybody is to blame and the person you are with gets it the worst. I’d often go and sleep on my own, and make the excuse that our son was waking up at night. I think the only factor that kept us together at times was the fact that we had a son. We were both quite committed to him.’ (Female, married, 51)
Others feel like communication breaks down between the two of them, which can leave them feeling helpless at times: ‘You know there’s only so much asking you can do and if she’s not ready to talk then that’s it.’ (Male, cohabiting, aged 36)
However, it is more commonly reported that miscarriages can help a couple become closer.
Some participants in the OnePlusOne study described miscarriage as an experience in which they could both share and support one another equally. Couples also say a miscarriage is different to other issues such as the death of a parent, where one partner is being supported and the other provides support.
Following his partner’s miscarriage, one participant said that their relationship ‘had been made a lot stronger.’ (Male, cohabiting, 36)
Another said: ‘It’s just got more at ease. She can come over and tell me things which she can’t tell anybody else. None of our friends knew about the miscarriage and stuff like that, because we didn’t want them to know. Because until she was ready to cope with it in her own mind, when we told them, she could cope with it then’. (Male, married, 33)
If you have been affected by a miscarriage, visit the Miscarriage Association website for further help and advice, or call their helpline on 01924 200 799.
Read Coping With Grief for more insight on how to deal with a traumatic event.