Why oh why
I've been going around in circles for years with my man. He just doesn't want to commit yet doesn't want to let go of me either. He has broken my heart over and over, but I love him so much I take him back. I'm not saying it's all his fault all of the time, but he has done many things to me that hurt and he keeps saying he wants to get married then moving the goal posts and then attaching conditions. I'm scared to live without him because I love him, but at the same time, I'm scared of what my life will be if I allow the circle to continue. I've tried talking with him, which leads him to become defensive and he tells me its over and to go, only to tell me he's sorry later when he's calmed down. He wants everything on his terms. Please help. I feel I can't win!
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Thank you it does help to know I 'm not alone.
My sister has been in a similar situation for 2 years. The guy wanted to marry when he graduated(college) then he decided he wanted to be single. It went back and forth soo many times and it was so hard for her. He then broke up with her over another girl he had knew previously. Through everything my sister didn't lose her temper and kept quiet about his decisions except when he broke up for another girl. That's when she let home have it. She said how along she's supposed to be there for him but he is allowed to change his mind whenever is pleases him. She and him didn't talk after he left for over a year. Then one day he apologized and months later he called and just started talking.
It took a very long time for the relationship to grow but it was very good that he wasnt with her for awhile because when he wasn't he learned how much he really missed her and how when their together it brings out the best in each of them. That is what every relationship should be like.
Hi,
It isn't any wonder why you feel as though you can't win.
Within this situation, I can imagine that you feel as though you cant talk to your partner because he will only get defensive and say things in the heat of the moment.
In my experience, when people behave in this way, they do so because they don't know what they want. Perhaps your partner has friends that are getting married and so that excites him, yet maybe he has friends that have had a tough time going through a divorce and so is happy to wait.
Something that is concerning is that you say your partner is attaching conditions to the relationship. When you are in love, you accept your partner for their good and bad points, however if he is trying to change you by saying that it is necessary for these conditions to be met before he can marry you then it may be that he is trying to put obstacles in place to avoid marriage at this time.
I dont know whether it helps, but sometimes it just helps to knlw that there is somebody else in a similar situation.